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Ken Jennings
trivia author authors comedian 169,449 followers
Just made an order from the Barnes & Noble @Criterion 50%-off sale so big that my kids have to go to state colleges now.
Why isn't there a WHITE Batman Day.
Come to Vegas in 2 weeks for the Trivia Championships of North America! You are running out of time to register!…
I could probably write 5-10 Yelp reviews every week that just said, "It was fine I guess."
Life's too short to listen to songs that don't have handclaps.
I debunked 4 heat-related myths for @woot this July. 98.6° isn't body temp! Ben didn't invent the Franklin stove!…
Kanye forcing Owen Wilson to lie in the back seat of his car & make comments on the road so he can pretend he’s driving Lightning McQueen.
Retweeted by Ken Jennings
I was kicked out of the adult film industry for failing to think of a porn title for Nights in Rodanthe. Just call the girl Rodanthe I said
"OK guys, line up in the order you're going to die in."
Retweeted by Ken Jennings
Even as a kid I remember thinking "Wile E. Coyote" was a pretty weak pun. "Wile" isn't a name. In fact it's a form of the word "wily."
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" had a good run but I'm working on a song that will take the "lake-chanty" genre to a whole new level.
I like those fish-shaped soy sauce containers bc I can make this barfing noise when I squirt it on the sushi. Hi I won 74 times on Jeopardy
Actual exhibit at the new visitors' centre, Stonehenge, UK.
Walking in the English countryside. There are 2-3 XTC songs about every single plant we've seen.
A gay snake just hissed at me.
Microsoft to lay off 18,000, yikes. Keep passing the open Windows, everybody.
I want to make a Boyhood-like movie about my son but it's just 18 years of him putting empty containers back in the f***ing fridge.
Rest In Peace to my boy. Gone way too soon. 💔💔
"The humor has to come from the characters!" --Chinese comedy writer
I’m sorry, but you can’t pre-order my new album anymore. Because it’s OUT NOW!!!!!
Retweeted by Ken Jennings
Is it "cultural appropriation" when I sing the Jeffersons theme on the escalator
If this bozo gets killed by desert nomads, don't blame me.…
Can't believe I'm about to achieve my childhood dream: outliving Archie.
This wasn't true 30 years ago but today nearly all street fighting in Brooklyn is over the correct pronunciation of "Moleskine."