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Ken Jennings

I don't know anything about Fiona Apple but I guess I was right: all her songs are named for varieties of apple.
The doctor IS IN biatch
Not even stopping for red lights
y'all looking at a man on a mission
Hold my calls for an hour. I'm at my parents' & my childhood Choose Your Own Adventure books are all out of order.
Me: I wonder if a lot of older white people live in this town. Movie theater:
An app where you can scan bits of text and it tells you whether or not something is a bad idea.
When I was in third grade, I thought I was THIS GAY
The best gimmick in WWE history belonged to "Tugboat Thomas." His gimmick was: guy who works on a tugboat.
so sick of #Obama's goons ordering me around
*smashes fist through steering wheel so hard horn breaks & I have to make honking noises w/ my mouth till I die*
Retweeted by Ken Jennings
Twitter is a private hell for all of us, but my own little circle is getting 1 or 2 of these every time I tweet.
My faith reassures me that God will raise up Kenny Baker to eternal life, just as He does at the end of Time Bandits
Now pitching at Safeco Field: this Gabriel Garcia Marquez character
Everyone thinks Clark Kent's glasses disguise is lame, but when I put down my pipe, no one can tell I'm Evelyn Waugh
Well, so much for these 2 classic summertime activities. Political correctness run amok.
This is the antidote America needs to Jared Leto as the Joker.
"Look, it's a guy with a hammer! And he's repealing something!"
.@USPS This is an action-packed sign posting.
Hey guys at the end of Walk Hard, Dewey Cox turns into Robert Pollard, ok good night
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