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kelly oxford
Nothing like watching a grown man ask Taylor Lautner for a picture to ruin your Friday night pretty early.
WOKE UP LIKE FRIDAY
The photo on the right was taken one month after the photo on the left, if you've ever wondered why I call bullshit on everything and DGAF. #Tweezer #EIPWYAL #TBT
French kissing in the USA
πŸ“±πŸ“· @sosupersam @stopitrightnow being normal against a wall #thateklife #carondelet
'Bout #thateklife πŸ“±πŸ“· @katienehra @erinkleinberg #pastel #ootd #justkidding
I wanted to show my 13yr old a photo of 1993 teen grunge so I dug this photo out. Beside laughing at the ex's face I cut out, she observed, "I CAN'T TELL WHOSE LEGS ARE WHOSE YOURE ALL WEARING THE SAME JEANS" #90sPitfalls #softgrunge #SameJeans #FaceOff #tbt
Getting hit with that puck at the Kings game last night made ESPN's Top 10 plays of the day, so I guess I'm an elite athlete now.
I have a photo of Joan's corned beef hash that I like to look at because it's all I ever want to eat. #victim
FAULT Magazine - issue 19
Love Tina Fey's Bossypants? @cbcbooks thinks you'll love @kellyoxford's Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar: ow.ly/CNO6m
Retweeted by kelly oxford
If you aren't sick of me, you can pick up the 19th issue of Fault Magazine for more stuff about me. Or not. Whatever. fault-magazine.com/2014/10/fault-…
Shock over: I GOT HIT IN THE NECK WITH A PUCK.
I'm not even kidding you. I just got hit in the neck with this puck.
I just got hit with the fucking puck. No joke. pic.twitter.com/KnuwrbljhN
I called 7-1 Kings to @shanenickerson when we walked in here, it may be worse...
This game is painful. I am gonna drink a lot. If you see me drunk on tv, send a photo. #yeg
These dicks are in my way.
Those will most definitely be my dying words. RT @jenhasgreathair Today is the 35th anniversary of Gretzky's first NHL goal!
HOMETOWN TEAM! WATCHED THEM BRING CUP HOME 5 TIMES U DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON THAT SHIT! RT @BillBelsey OILERS ?How about Habs or Flames? ;-)
IF I'M MURDERED AT THE KINGS GAME FOR WEARING AN OILERS JERSEY ON THE KINGS BENCH IT'S ALL UR FAULT FOR TELLING ME IT WAS AN OK THING TO DO.
Anyone want to go to the Kings game with me tonight, Kings bench seats? I'm wearing my Oilers jersey. Should be chill.
FYI- Telling a woman she should smile just makes her want to stab you. Stab. Stab. Stab.
I just told her about Ebola. #NoFilter #StraightTalk #SheNeedsToKnow
The moment Bea saw this chair at the tennis courts she climbed up and started to wave, "Hello people down there." #bossbitch
This morning was very E.T.
This is what happens to us white women when we get prosecco. @zandywithaz @susanorlean
if I ever need to lower my heart rate I will think about the $4 ranunculus I get at 8am on Sunday mornings. I'm a simpleton who will never stop eating bread.
"Grunge AF. Who tricked you into being emo?" My 13 yr old came out of photo storage with these and pity.
"3 o'clock, you're gonna get raped" πŸ‘€
Amanda Bynes twitter feed is depressing me right off twitter today. Mental health care failure. :(
#fbf that time I saw Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams at the beach & couldn't help myself.
For weeks I was like... Who is this new Kardashian (L) !? This morning I realized it was the one on the (R) Guess it was her turn to see the Dr. HAPPY FRIDAY!!
Sometimes I miss record stores and video stores so much I'm convinced Apple is the devil.
#tbt Back in Canada, where we had PVR's and Henry was an Olsen twin.
Gross. RT @BuzzFeed: These are the hand prints of people who lived 40,000 years ago bzfd.it/1xtt5Dq pic.twitter.com/361T5KiIYO
I've had this screenshot saved since 2004. #sorrynotsorry
I caught @sal.ppt in her coven glee dress and natural lasers. #godslasers #gothchild #victim #calmdown
Know some adults that don't even get this. πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ‘πŸ‘
πŸ‘Œ BEST BBQ WITH @adamperrylang #backyardBBQ behind @jimmykimmel El Capitan/beside Orange parking lot in Hollywood. MEAAAAAATTTTTT
When a guy gets dumped by a girl and says, 'She had issues,' I assume one issue was that she didn't like him.
I have zero tolerance for customers being dicks to service people or service people being dicks to customers. Fuck all y'all.
Packing lunches for tomorrow. #AheadOfTheGame #Health #Planetbox #AllMomsAgree #FrenchLunch