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kelly oxford
Michelle Phillips explained that John woke her up in the middle of the night and asked her to help him with a song. She told him, "tomorrow, I need my beauty rest" and he said, "no, this is really a big song and I need you." And she said, "I'll get up and write it with you if I get 50% rights." And
With my #roaddogs. (If you want to know where I am, I'm dead DEAD DEAD)
I'm a HUGE FAN of @jillsoloway @JoeLewis @Amazon_Studios TRANSPARENT & want u 2 BINGE watch w/me so we can discuss.
I'll never beat him. Never.
Thirteen & taller than 6'2" dad... #newrealityshow #froyo #dontsayfroyo
#tbt cheech and chong, 2012
Forgot to post the beer penis last night. I can't believe they thought it was a lot of beer. 🍁
It wasn't. RT @MissLauraMoses: "It's not really THAT much beer!" - @kellyoxford ladies & gentlemen.
This fully explains why I'm obsessed with FOX's new reality show, Utopia. OBSESSED.…
Even if you were a kid when it happened, if you've ever stepped in dog shit with a bare foot, you can feel it as you read this.
Me: You smell like meat. Bea, age 6: I am meat.
"Look at him, he's a moron." Gertie
If the dog that @ikebarinholtz just posted isn't named Richard Belzer, fuck everything.
Bea made this for you.
One thing that pisses me off is when birds choose to run from things.
This newborn gorilla's reaction to a cold stethoscope is basically how I internally react to everything.
Yes. These are my cats. RT @BuzzFeedBooks: These Two Persian Cats Are The Weirdest Of Friends:…
SUNDAY: There is a really great PIROGY pierogi pyrogie discussion happening on my Instagram account. @kellyoxford
I just bought American pierogi. Here are the serving suggestions. May god save their souls.
Clive. Gia. Canter's cookies.
Henry just told me Justin Bieber has three main looks, so I asked him if he could create them. Laughing so hard at his.
none of the kids in Red Band Society look sick enough :(
Gus* is OBSESSED with Utopia. *Kelly
#fbf the time Bea dressed herself for the market and then said "take a picture of me beside these onions."
Life Side Note: This new reality show Utopia would have been much more interesting if the producers hadn't planted troublemakers.
WHAAAA @Homepolish and @Apt2B are giving away my coffee table. (Not my actual table, another) Enter here
there is a dent in my head. GOOD BYE WORLD. (Yesterday I had a headache, drank a ton of water. Before bed I took an Imitrex and @white_lightning sent me a photo of Snooki's tweet asking if mermaids were real. I woke up like this)
Video of me chugging WINE?!RT @MarissaARoss by the time my homegirl @kellyoxford popped in, i was wasted. #giawine.…
My favorite thing in the house is this couch because all of us can sit on it without touching each other. #myapt2b
@hommemakerblog and I found this poster at the Rose Bowl Flea Market and now the old guy who sold it to me calls me once a week to try to sell me more posters.
I painted bathing suits on my nude paintings and now the lady who cleans my house once a week is happier.
My house is featured on @homepolish website today! @hommemakerblog
NEWSFLASH: I rent a house. I wanted it to be homey. I used @Homepolish to book a designer & this is how it turned out
There's not enough water to help the situation. #LAHeatWave #drought #dehydration #sorrynotsorry
Someone knows how to give great gifts. 👏👏👏
Thank you @thealistofficial for throwing another boring party. 🙌🏆🙌😘😘#springlive
You know in the winter when you stand in front of an air vent blasting heat from the furnace? That's how all of Los Angeles feels right now.
Every single Republican in the US Senate voted against equal pay for equal work for women today. Unreal. #equalpay
Retweeted by kelly oxford
Professionals. Cc: @mmcnearney
Hard to believe there was ever a time so innocent that George Thorogood's Bad To The Bone truly described a badass. A lunch lady, maybe.
I wish one of these Miss America contestants would intro herself "Fuck all y'all!!! Beauty pageants for scholarships is some horseshit!"
delivery. #StudioCity4Ever #Ventura
@hotpatooties just read #paperaeroplanes #paperairplanes at @booksoup like she was fucking Meryl Streep. Brilliant teen fiction, buy it!! If we had PR or hustle sense we would be holding a copy of it in this photo. *please imagine her fucking Meryl Streep. #hustle #pr #fuckingmerylstreep
That moment you complete your first somersault that doesn't hurt..
Gertie is pissed that Hugh Grant got a shrine at the bar instead of her.
5 mins into What's Eating Gilbert Grape, ten year old son shouts, "OH MY GOD LEO IS THE BEST ACTOR EVER!"