@laurenandra came to town!!
I made the kids instant oatmeal. #thismomlife
The garbage man on my street is singing Extreme's "More Than Words."
It's a @clarevivier Christmas this year!!!
Mom just being Mom!
Guys, I'm still at my office. Did the Sound of Music event look like a cross between the Today Show and a soap opera??
Imagine this shit with a filter?
Just typo'd 'security' as 'sexurity' and why isn't that a word?
My husband just saw a 10yr old boy driving a car through Inglewood.
To the mother of that child: Your left tail light is out.
Putting a tattoo on your boob is like decorating a TV.
My "Cabin Fever" collection is front page @eBay
, which is great, everyone's bitching about the cold. #followitfindit r.ebay.com/UVO2m5
I actually looked at the time to see if it was 7:30. Thinking I missed Cardog time!! You pulled me in!!
Cant wait to see your #cardog
episode tonight!! Cracks me up.
Oh, probably. RT @Yagurlhan
is your son on stage with Mariah Carey right now?
My abdomen just made the sound of a 400 pound man asking, "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????"
Let the photoshopping begin RT @bennyjohnson
: THIS.PHOTO.PEOPLE. pic.twitter.com/HbJ8dDbk6X
How is Bea even going to school without this backpack?!!?? @shopjeen #appropriate
As a kid who was addicted to Archies, used allowance solely on Archies and was given Archies for good behavior, every part of me wants this clutch. @charlotte_olympia
Your movie is called cardogs?! RT @NiaVardalos
: Yesterday, finished filming cardogsmovie, today #crafts
It happened. I just wrote #CARDOG
into the feature I was paid real money to write.
Every weeknight since May. RT @BaileyFink
how many nights in a row is this?? #cardog
I SHOCKED #CARDOG!!
I have to get home soon to catch #CARDOG
This was the biggest internet hoax of all time ... pic.twitter.com/Zl4vYoYtha
YOU CANT TRUST ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET
One of the most important blogs I ever wrote.
Tons of photos of boobs.
Mom keeping me informed on Canada's Prime Minister.
Ugh, I hate people. Not us, them.
People obsessed with other people are the dumbest people. Obsess over creativity, knowledge or money, not idiot people. We're idiots.
No, you're just 20. RT @MileyCyrus
: I'm an idiot.
Me to Bea, age 5, "I'm going to put you on the top of the Christmas Tree."
Bea "That would hurt my butt."
40 mins into Blackfish. This is killing me.
When people say things like cockroaches and rats are disgusting creatures remind them of people.
Guys forget Diane/Elan, the #CARDOG
in my previous post is real, must be identified and stopped.
I GOT IT !! This person lets their dog bark out the window of the car!! Every night between 730-750 they drive by my house!!!!
AUTHENTICITY ISSUES OVER HERE
#pms Henry was basically born talking. 10 word "sentences" by 12 months. Anyone that knows how talkative he is now will not be surprised.
Thanks for the luscious thick hair @honeytruffleco
My one and only purchase on this year's Cyber Monday: @kellyoxford
's book for Kindle. #everythingisperfectwhenyourealiar
Great work team! 8 months after EVERYTHING IS PERFECT WHEN YOURE A LIAR was released, it's #1 again because you guys love cyberdealzzzzzzzz
The older I get, the more annoyed I am that we have to pee.
My book on Kindle is less than Starbucks. $2.99! You've no excuse & you'll have a great time reading about teen sex! tmi.me/1cKkQZ
In labor from 6pm until I had Bea at 6am, this is 7am.. I went home 10 minutes later.
4 yr old Henry rolling his eyes at a loud Walrus
Bea won't eat her dinner so I told her Santa wasn't going to come and she told me I was fired :(
THE YEAR I COULDNT GET HER OUT OF CROCS.