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kelly oxford
comedian comedy hipster 580,320 followers
Good evening, FRIENDS.
Can someone develop an app that electrocutes a person who asks to see a photo on your phone then starts scrolling through all of them?
They gave him a spot to lie down in the alley. I'm done.
Continued.. This woman found him, bathed him and clothed him..
Well, that's it for me today. In Liberia, some locals found out where Ebola patients were being treated, they over ran the center, stripped Saah Exco of his clothing and left him in the street alone.
Once you've so-they-say "peaked," nothing beats coming home to this sort of situation in your bed. 💞💘💞
The chapter in @kellyoxford's book about going to LA to find Leonardo DiCaprio should be required reading for everyone.
Retweeted by kelly oxford
Emilio Estevez is beside me and for two minutes I thought he was Martin Sheen. That's how old we are now.
Honored to sexually exploit Drake and Steve Buscemi's eyeball for @clashist On site today.
Ryan Gosling pants? Drake sweatshirt? I love it all & wearing it all on @weareclashist website
Every so often, as I fall asleep, I think about our lives & families pre-iPhone & post iPhone & I wonder: Did Apple ruin everything?
Meanwhile, the craziest thing happening in America remains overlooked. #FifteenDollars
return of Stinky Pete, the giant cat.
Does the couch leg behind me make me look perverted?
In the end, we will have spent years of our lives reading comment sections & pitying the commenters who were "wasting their lives."
Stayed up past my bedtime last night to watch, @iamjohnoliver tear into racism and militarization in #Ferguson…
Sick of listening to my husband say he could win America Ninja Warrior & my son tell him he couldn't. Can we get him on the show?
My boyfriend and I are watching 60 Minutes.
NETFLIX REC #sarahpolley documentary about her late Mother's secrets; as told by family & friends. Stories We Tell. I love her dad, Michael.
"I won," he sighs, playing the game alone.
Just asked them to make their "coolest face"