just showed the @gregorybrothers
my butt on skype because they deserve nice things
couldn't turn around for this one
Congrats to @NachoPunch
for birthing itself today. Enjoy their first sketch as part of today's Cyber Monday sale. youtube.com/watch?v=zy84_X…
Very proud of this new comedy channel I've been writing for these past 6 months. CHECK OUT OUR FIRST SKETCH!
Here’s a slam dunk: Bring back MicroMachines and have Eminem do the commercials. youtube.com/watch?v=TzbUPf…
Selling my parking spot at Best Buy Culver City! $80 OBO. It’s the one in the back right roped off by stanchions
just a heads up I’m zestfully clean today
last words to my pest control guy was “thank you, you’re doing dogs work"
rent the abyss starring Ed Harris
poetry is a 700lb man trapped in his room with a pet veal calf
rasta hat maker on boardwalk slipped on patchouli oil slick from first rain, reggae children lullaby guy in for backup. incense everywhere
It's been 8 hours without a stabbing in Venice! May even go a whole day at this point.
Just something to get you going this foggy morning. youtube.com/watch?v=oupGA_…
easy breezy mother fucker
New Bath Boys Sketch: "INVISIBLE BEST FRIEND" youtube.com/watch?v=WlDdBL…
Justin Bieber sleeps with Brazialian prostitute and she filmed him sleeping haha youtu.be/BMk9jHCa3e8
thank you @Fwiz
for letting my crash your @machinimalive
stream. I’m inspired to Bo Jackson CoD and BF4 and get free pizza
This episode of "California On" is arguably one of the funniest yet, all hail Dr. Ian Malcom Lionel Richie @kassemg
Twitter follower found this sweet, lost chihuahua on 5th ave. can u help spread the word!!! fb.me/2b6h7kFZj
FACT: UCSB’s main import is Fireball whiskey. And then 3 hours later it’s the main export. youtube.com/watch?v=7wzEu_…
A California On Special: Isla Vista youtu.be/7wzEu_sKcac
for YT artist of the year. If not Eminem will just get it then Skype in an acceptance speech. goo.gl/XA9oBg
thanks to Isla Vista for a weird night and the guy who owns this car we randomly walked by
worst attempt at jurassic park I've ever seen
$20 off your first uber? Use "kassemg" as the promo code. All you UCSB people should do this tonight after buying me drinks.
Hey UCSB boys and girls, we’re shooting a California On in your incredibly white town of Isla Vista tonight. Can’t wait to see your mileys
“Cut! You can see the strings!” -Director making a tampon commercial
The ‘Burbs is a great movie to watch with the kids on Halloween and is a perfect excuse to eat sardines on pretzels without scorn
Two years old today! Taking this senior citizen on a birth-date
12 Years A Slave was a brutally honest look into Brad Pitt's eyes that seem really hard to keep open.
Here’s a convenient thing for tonight - download Uber & get $20 off your first ride. Use “kassemg” as the promo code. I am great.
Congrats to @shaycarl
on the birth of their third or fourth son!
my jogging style is "girl at end of house of a 1000 corpses"
upon completion i will have air support (crow), ground support (dog), emotional support (friends & family)
researching pet crows as it’s time to fight fire with fire
I asked folks about the bedroom sasquatch known as the female orgasm. youtube.com/watch?v=CGD-2V…
Happy Birthday to my brother and fellow Dodge Caravan owner @oothmar
What treat do I give my dog for jumping off a dock, swim chasing a seagull and biting it's wing?