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Maesti Lacerta
I want a fried pickle.
I'm taking the activia challenge.
Wait, Shaggy was stoned?
Down to the last PBR. Tragedy.
Any one of these bus riders can be a psychopathic mass murderer.
Facebook comments, the horror.
My teeth hurt. That dental hygienist removed my desensitizing layer of plaque off my teeth. Curse her!
This salad tastes a little food poisony
Hunkering down for another solar storm. I haven't restocked the root cellar from the last time.
Guys who bring their drinks, food or toothbrushes into the men's restroom, you know what we do in there right? There is feces in the air!
Called pavlova by proxi RT @JScottPatterson: Whenever I see a dog salivating I think of a bell ringing.
You will probably outlive your dog. Happy Friday.
War, huh, yeah What is it good for Apparently the bottom line. Uh-huh Hooowah! Cha-ching.
Nose hairs: arch enemy.
On 2nd cup of coffee, may not keep me awake. I want a slow release transdermal mega dose caffeine patch applied directly to my brain stem.
If you haven't walked down a busy street listening to the Imperial March on your headphones, you're doing life wrong.
Retweeted by Maesti Lacerta
Thought: every time the USA deploys military assets into combat situations, everyone's federal tax, fine & fee automatically increases.
This bus driver has a lead foot on the gas pedal and especially the brake. #whiplash
The moon is low in the east. You know what that means?
Booze from a bowl.
"if a double decker bus, kills the both of us, to die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die" do NOT accept a ride from Morrisey! #wtf
Parts of this day are super long.
Productive training meeting.
My mouth and head hurt.
Dentist this morning. Boooooo
Is there an "acupuncturists without borders" curing epidemics in the world?
Is there "chiropractors without borders" curing epidemics in the world?
Is there a "homeopaths without borders" curing epidemics in the world?
Having concentration problems today.
Fine, follow your tribe. Right over that cliff.
Test your information. Quantity is not quality.
Roast beef sandwiches in space.
If you eat any kind of mass produced food, you're eating some amount of bugs.
I feel like a non avian dinosaur, only slower.
phone says I have a pulse of 71 bpm. I'd be more impressed if it knew my blood pressure & cholesterol levels & nagged me about my diet.
I love reading #fml tweets. Humanity is so cute.
Oh snap, there's a skinny jean sale at hot topic and I have to work. #fml
I wish Joe Biden would stop sending me emails.
Say @Cherriots, you need bigger prohibido fumar signs because, cough cough #keizerOr
Even if you're just calling to say hello, the #Veterans Crisis Line is there to help
Retweeted by Maesti Lacerta
Hurry up coffee machine! Aaaah!
I think it could be bed time. #soOld