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John Cleese

actor humour comedy satire 2,679,169 followers
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Great audience for opening show last night. Thank you Port Elizabeth. Matinee today, shows in Cape Town Tues & Weds.
LA-My offspring, @CamillaCleese will do stand up w/ @kellylandry & friends at The 3 Clubs, Saturday @ 8pm She's the one with the mustache.
Good luck to our wonderful friend Danielle Lineker who is opening at hampsteadtheatre.com/whats-on/2013/…
Here I am wired up for the night to see if I'm suffering from Sleep Apnea. #sleep pic.twitter.com/xwjzjcdJy9
My wife AKA The Fish on account of her swimming found this beautiful fish bracelet #faraonemennella pic.twitter.com/r9sjLszutF
My wife says “don’t worry about the weather, it’s going to be a hot Christmas”
Saw this on Sloan Street, so stunning. You can vote for it here chelseainbloom.co.uk pic.twitter.com/FWomfw6QrM
A former London tabloid editor tells me large parts of our press are still out of control and that Cameron must not back down
Gary says we have only 3000 qualified coaches in the UK, 30,000 in Germany.
Dinner with Gary Lineker... he’s even nicer than Michael Palin pic.twitter.com/3QLqd6WBOX
Thanking the three great guys from Harrods who managed to get a sofa into our flat despite the cat @Harrods
Trying to get my old age pension. They want my wedding anniversary but they won’t say which one.
I don't use skin care products myself but I know someone that does, check out @HealGel youtube.com/watch?v=zS-r3q…
I don't use skin care products myself but I know someone that does, check out @HealGel youtube.com/watch?v=kWfyhw…
Follow @spudthemovies on Twitter for updates and behind the scenes information.
Visit the SpudTheMovies YouTube channel for the trailer and special unseen footage. The direct link to the trailer is youtube.com/watch?v=MwyWnR…
Made a film last year set in South Africa’s most famous school. I play an eccentric English teacher. Touching, funny and coming in June.
Please lend a hand to/share this Kickstarter film appeal; nicely mad and worth a punt ow.ly/jBXyc #teashopasylum #kickstarter
Why haven’t they told who was elected vice pope? Is it a cover up?
My offspring, @CamillaCleese, is up at the Laugh Factory Chicago tonight @ 10pm, Sat @ 8pm. Feel free to throw (soft) rotten fruit at her.
Reading Andrew Marr’s History of Modern Britain. Wonderful!
Have fun at a @GardenReLeaf event this weekend & raise £ for kids' hospice charity @Greenfingerscha gardenreleaf.co.uk Please retweet
Many thanks to Eric for his lovely blog commemorating 50 years of friendship. ericidle.com/blog/?s=john+c…
Just been recording fourth lot of commercials for British bookmakers William Hill to be shown on Austrian Television
Chicago! my offspring, @CamillaCleese, is doing stand up at @ChiLaughFactory tonight w/ the hilarious @realmikeyoung headlining- 8&10PM!
Explanation required: Someone made the comment. I said yeah we should tweet that – sarcastically. Misunderstood
Sorry if the last tweet was a bit naughty
Oscar’s defence will be that he was absolutely legless at the time.
When the Mayans spoke about the end of the world they were referring to the end of civilisation.
We are devastated at the loss of Baggy and are consoled that he will find Monte and the two will romp together through the fields again.
Retweeted by John Cleese
I would like to take this chance to say Happy Christmas and wish you an outstanding January the 10th.
Thank you to originalmemorabilia.co.uk @MemorabiliaCo who have just sold my dear old Bentley to a lovely gentleman in Australia!
He brought us so much joy in the short time he had with us. Her True Love! pic.twitter.com/GxQYbVs1
Our thanks to all of you for best wishes and prayers about Monte, sadly he died this morning. He was magnificent, beautiful and gentle.
In the debate about decency in the British press, I note that the newspapers have come down on the side of the newspapers @HackedOffHugh
My dear old #Bentley of 25 years needs a new home and I will be delighted to take its new owner to lunch ! Details @MemorabiliaCo
Beloved Twatterers check out this fantastic band @tsscband. Vote for them to appear in Canne! indabamusic.com/opportunities/…
In LA working with Python producer John Goldstone and daughter Camilla on acting and writing master classes for the internet.
Presidential election today when we finally find out just how batty America is...
Congratulations to John and Jennifer's web designer Chris. He's just won the Best Construction Site Award 2012 @chriscurddesign
Staying at Gaylord National Hotel. Bought a candle. Concierge wouldn't give me a match. Candles not allowed in the hotel.
For those of you who have asked I believe the Monty Python limited editions I signed go on sale today @MemorabiliaCo
Who did they think was me?
The Sunday Telegraph reports that I was at a party in London on Thursday. I wasn't. I was in Monaco working on my autobiography...
Daily Mail: ‘They live in a rather ordinary block, well back from the sea, surrounded by busy roads and flyovers.’