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A good message to women who withhold their intelligence, etc. to please someone else.
I wish I had a branding iron with a hashtag on it, so I could sear it into people's flesh when they use the word "hashtag" in conversation.
Quit trying to change the word "fucking" to 'ducking'. We've been together a long time.
♪If you don't know me by now♪
Some reflections on a new year, my time in the South Pacific, and trying to prioritize moments instead of outcomes.
My NY resolution. I stopped after "eat the delicious food."
Christmas in Rarotonga. Had a wonderful time with the island folk.
It's been 25 years since "Home Alone" came out. I just saw a recent picture of Macaulay Caulkin.
Something tells me he's still home alone..
Off to Rarotonga. Reminds me of a trip to the Virgin Islands I took
They were just called the "Islands" when I left
Baby it's cold outside-A rapey dude uses the cold weather to entice a resistant woman to spend the night. Watch your drink around this guy.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer- An elderly drunk woman wanders into the snow to get her medication and gets killed by a wild animal.
That dude that screwed over Adele is sure responsible for some good songs.
Shame we can't get him to date Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber now
Not sure what Kim Kardashian and Kanye will name their 2nd child.
But you can bet it will be something stupid...
Planet Earth to Kylie Jenner,
"What would you say. Ya do here???
Wow! Coldplay is gonna play halftime at the Super Bowl. That should be a high energy affair.
Was Kenny G busy or something??
I don't trust a mall santa. It's basically a job for morbidly obese dudes in onesies who are unemployed 11 months out of the year.
My newest article about how we often give too much weight to the past, with our "unreliable narrators."
Me to client- You're 15 minutes late dude. Jesus man, what are you? Ten years old?
Client-Actually I'm nine.
Me- Okay then. Tell your mom..
So Facebook added this new feature that monitors how often you see your ex's posts.I already have that feature my life.
It's called alcohol
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
How I feel about those clever "copy and paste" Facebook games..
I would do ANYTHING for love.
Even that shit Meatloaf wouldn't do...
So Chipolte closed stores in the NW because their food caused diarrhea? I could have told you that.That's the price you pay for convenience
My newest essay about the elusiveness of the perfect road trip..
Aussie, Aussie, Auusie!!
Started today with a "Moons over My-Hammy" from Denny's. God I love the name of that breakfast.
It's almost worth the heart disease...
We blew it. My take on guns, violence, and America.
Steer into the skid. My newest article about avoidance, motivation, and change.
Woke up groggy, turned on the TV and saw "Tommy Boy" was on.
Took me 20 minutes to realize it was actually a Chris Christie news conference
Joe Guse ran 0.0 miles in 184 minutes. He also stopped off for chicken wings like an hour after eating breakfast...
My latest article on the importance of encouraging children for "Stuff" in New Zealand.
For all women betrayed by husbands on Ashley Madison ,I feel for you. Men are dogs. I'm free for consultations.
Bring some wine though...
Supposed to be majestic as fuck. Didn't quite work out like that.
My newest blog post about staying in the moment and how my mother almost failed me in the 4th grade.
Don't believe everything you see on Facebook. My latest article for Stuff NZ.
got fired from NBC. Sounds like karma. Especially after he fired that poor Gary Busey for spilling paint on Celebrity Apprentice!
Donald Trump on traditional marriage... #3rdtimesthecharm
Sooo, I'm going to be writing a column on dating/relationships. My maiden voyage..
Love that gmail "unsend" feature.
Now if they just had an app to take back drunken texts & inappropriate comments blurted out at work...
"Keep on rockin' in a free world!"
Except Blacks, Jews, Mexicans, poor people, women, and immigrants that is.
Trump may be tougher than everyone thinks. He really gave it to that singer "Meatloaf" with both barrels on Celebrity Apprentice...
"I resent people accusing me of being racist. I have a fabulous relationship with the coloreds."
Sunset tonight on the long weekend.
It's not all bad....
Good times in Australia!!
Looks like Oscar Pistorious may be getting out sooner than expected.
Let's hope his next girlfriend is a Kardashian...
Making my mom semi-famous in New Zealand. I'm sure she'll love that hat pick!
Another article for "Stuff" here in New Zealand..
One of my articles for Stuff New Zealand.
This dude I was talking to kept calling an affidavit a "half a David" today. Nice guy.
Not wild about his chances in court though...