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Jim Gaffigan

comedian comedy actor director 1,661,570 followers
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If you are watching TV in a hotel room and you are not in the bed, you are really weird.
Photo by the great @dan_dion at @BottleRockNapa
@LifeOfDadShow: "Jim Gaffigan – Life of Dad Champion" by Art Eddy lifeofdad.com/blog_post.php?… // #DadIsFat via @DadatworkNJ @tommyriles” Thx
No, no talking on speakerphone on an airplane while people board is very normal.
Best way to help tornado victims is to donate to the Red Cross at redcross.org or text REDCROSS to 90999. #okwx
Retweeted by Jim Gaffigan
i bet we can get people to click a spam link if we say they started their own diet!
i bet we can get people to click a spam link if we say they started their own diet! say.ly/Ccz5RHm
Due to bookstore avails I am going to CMH instead of Nashville on my #dadisfat book tour. ATL, SDF, IND, STL, DSM, M… say.ly/Kpp5RH7
@kaylabowers90: @JimGaffigan I am 22 & don't have kids (nor do I ever want to), but "Dad Is Fat" is great & laugh-out-loud hilarious.” Thx
I'll be eating bbq Tuesday night in KC and doing a #dadisfat book event. jimgaffigan.com/tour-dates
Congrats to my old Gladys Comedy club buddy @Deanofcomedy with an article in @dailybeast say.ly/CoI5RCd
I don't even have the energy to do the daily iTunes software update.
I wish i hated pizza as much as pizza hates me.
Yes this is my almost two-year-old with his head suck in a potty chair.
Yes this is my almost two-year-old with his head suck in a potty chair. say.ly/yOH5Rkt
@laughspincom: Hey. @JimGaffigan is #5 on the NY Times best sellers list! #dadisfat congrats and stuff.” Thanks
Wait, Taco Bell is a chain restaurant?
Okay, who is carrying me to the bathroom?
Dad Is Fat is available in print, digital and audio. 13 city book events. Www.jimgaffigan.com
DAD IS FAT is available in print, digital, audio and smoke signals. 13 special book events. Info and links here say.ly/jQL5ReY
If by chance you need a copy of DAD IS FAT with my name scribbled in it click here and scroll down. say.ly/lrd5Re0
When will there be legislation to stop this?
When will there be legislation to stop this? say.ly/lPB5Rdd
Thx @BostonGlobe for the article about my #dadisfat book event in Boston this Thursday 5/23. say.ly/NmP5R8Z
Thx @bostonglobe for the article about my Thursday 5/23 #dadisfat book event in Boston at Coolidge Corner Theater. All events at Jimgaffigan.com
“Oh cool a street fair.” - Nobody
KC and Boston #dadisfat book events this week. All White Bread and Dad Is Fat tour events here say.ly/PLn5R8q
Some of our best friends also have five children. The brilliant Nora Fitzpatrick. cc: @jeanniegaffigan say.ly/Img5R1y
You know God only had one child because he considered Sunday a day of rest.
What were people excited about before pretzel nubs filled with peanut butter?
I met @JimGaffigan when I did my @TalkStoopNBC int in NY. I thought he forgot to shave but he told me it was in fash… say.ly/qck5QZH
Retweeted by Jim Gaffigan
My four year old daughter just asked her grandma, '"Why do you have witch hands?"
Hear @JimGaffigan get frustrated with why I've never tried guacamole on this episode of the Alley Oop Podcast: paulhasawebsite.com/?p=696
Retweeted by Jim Gaffigan
Ugh the timing of my last tweet was unfortunate and obviously unintentional. I hope everyone in VA is ok.
"How about something as annoying as a parade but causes more traffic?" - Inventor if the street fair.
Just had my daily “favorite color” conversation with my four year old. #green
My favorite part about making breakfast for my children is either the fact that they don't eat it or that I get yelled at for making a mess.
My kids begged to watch "something on TV." Prayers answered.
My kids begged to watch "something on TV." Prayers answered. say.ly/hsw5QJj
Is there any word better than didgeridoo?
Want to get an autographed DAD IS FAT? Personalize for you Dad? (Click and scroll down) say.ly/dLC5Qz1
Thanks for helping Dad Is Fat become #5 on the New York Times Bestseller List. Wow!
Thanks for helping DAD IS FAT become #5 on the New York Times Bestseller List! Wow! say.ly/GOi5QtD
This being awake stuff is harder than it looks.
@WholeFoods: @JimGaffigan Then we're on to beets...the dirt taste is an added bonus, right?!” You are the Bill Belichick of grocery stores.