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Jhonen Vasquez
My funeral is just gonna be the bagel bites pizza jingle on a loop until people can't take it and leave.
I've got to be honest, very few of you are actually my homechuds. Most of you are the ambiguous, chudless dark matter.
Whattup, mein homechuds?
Sick on cake squeezins.
"But I don't understand, what does do it more like a hot dog would even mean?!!" " ENOUGH SASS! NOW DO WHAT I TELL YOU, ACTOR!!"
I know I'm close to getting the right take when the actors start crying and begging to be let out of the booth. Cartoons!
Directing a voice session today. Out of practice! Hope I don't forget how to shriek at someone furiously until they do the right thing!
If male video game characters were dressed like female characters
Retweeted by Jhonen Vasquez
There's a cricket behind my fridge and it's driving me insane. Gonna try that grenade trick from The Raid.
"You don't care that we scorched the sky?" "Yes, Morpheus, that's important, but it SOUNDS stupid when you say it." "But we scor-" "SHUT UP"
"We don't know who struck first, us or them. But we do know it was us that scorched the sky." Talk like a PERSON, Morpheus!
Bungie must have Morpheus on staff as story lead because everything has that vibe of thinking it's weightier than it really is.
All I'd need is just ONE line of dialogue explaining that the cataclysm that ruined the world was responsible for annihilating personality.
The gameplay's fine, and I'll play it with people, but I can't help but think of all that money not being able to buy any amount of soul.
Kinda like with Halo, I've got no idea why I'm doing anything or who those guys are or why anything and what's that and huh?
Destiny's fun enough with friends, but I think I'd feel too sad and empty playing it solo. It's just got no character, no zazz.
Heh...look who I just ran into in the Tower. That's his best disguise yet.
All of your Ghost's reads in Destiny should finish with a lethargic, "I guess" or "whatever, I don't really care."
Dammit, Destiny, if I pick a character that looks like a badass robot I want to SOUND like a badass robot.
Taye Diggs started following me. I dunno why. Why is Taye Diggs Following me? Taye Diggs, what is your game?! What're you after?? DIIIIGGSS!
WHATTUP, BENCHES?! (Tweet to all mah benches)
I'll probably say the same thing about my PS4 friends once Sunset Overdrive comes out, though, so let's all just be friends.
Just cuz I'm playing Destiny on PS4 doesn't mean I hate my Xbox One. It just means my Xbox friends are dirty garbage people for avoiding.
Fuck what everybody else tells you, lampshades are badass.
Quick horror story: All of @JhonenV 's tweets have been true.
Retweeted by Jhonen Vasquez
Cheez-Its, healthier than you think, and guaranteed to save you from the eternal fires of Helll. CHEEZ -ITS!
I once karate kicked a toddler in the throat when he said Four Cheese was better than White Cheddar. I think they're BOTH great. CHEEZ-ITS!
I can't wait to get home after a hard day of work and inject the intense flavor of White Cheddar Cheez-Its directly into my scrotum.
"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked, the life ebbing from his battered body. "Because Cheez-Its, bitch" I grunted through the munching.
I just murdered a man for some Cheez-Its.
So my next couple of tweets are designed to get attention from the Cheez-It people to maybe pay me to promote their snacks.
So if someone buys you a quadcopter for your birthday, do NOT crash land it into a swimming pool. That...that doesn't go over well at all.
real men ejaculate so hard it rips their dicks off and propels them across the room
Retweeted by Jhonen Vasquez
It's the amaaaaazing @rikkisimons' birthday, everyone. Give him the greatest day ever by NOT singing The Doom Song at him for a change!
Really? Squee is not a word? @JhonenV and countless fangirls may disagree.
Retweeted by Jhonen Vasquez
Exfoliating my eyes was dumb.
No matter what you make, every meal tastes better if, while preparing it, you hum the Terran theme from the original Starcraft.
These battle arenas in First Light are a lot of fun!
Holy shit cops do NOT think jazz hands are a funny response to being told to put your hands up. Live and learn, I guess.
Hey, banks, instead of calling the cops when I come in cackling "I WANT ME GOOOLD!" maybe just laugh because Leprechaun movie.
Cyborgs are the best at spooning.
We are all almost pizzas until hamburger.
We're constantly almost dying until we die.
HEY! Help good people continue to make good things! Also: force Rikki to draw Bloaty over and over AND OVER AND OVER.
Retweeted by Jhonen Vasquez
Every fifteen seconds someone marvels at how nobody else has ever thought up the name "Dildo Baggins'.
I just think of myself as an impatient paranormal investigator with no time to wait for ghosts to happen naturally.
Retweeted by Jhonen Vasquez
When I get angry I eat a pie. Wanna know my secret? I'm ALWAYS eating pies.