Monaco news. It transpires that @MBrundleF1
rather fancies Fernando Alonso.
Top Gear's coin operated cameraman pic.twitter.com/sGd9ZYObef
Watched the Dambusters on Channel 5 earlier. Can't help thinking the BBC didn't show it because of Guy Gibson's dog.
It'll be interesting to see how the Mail responds to these supportive tweets.
I have sparked FURY at the Mail for saying babies should travel in a plane's hold. Mine didn't fly till they were old enough to behave.
My first day of filming the new series. And.... The car's broken down.
The reason why Top Gear isn't back. @MrJamesMay
is busy managing Benefica.
Relax everyone. There IS a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow in The Sun. Thank God.
I've been through all the newspapers and I'm now certain: there isn't a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow in any of them. Or Claire Balding.
A podcast interview with your friend AA Gill. Please retweet - not for him, but for me tinyurl.com/ahkdgyz
Oh Christ. I'm back in a cat
I'm bored with my life. No more dreary details. Goodnight.
My wee is finished. It was satisfactory.
I'm not interested in old people's carers. I'm going to have a wee.
I have just finished a treatment for an item in the next series of Top Gear.
I'm wearing a white shirt
I have had a good idea. Tell Twitter every dreary detail of my life and the Mail doesn't bother writing about it.
One last thing. I couldn't borrow a suit. Because no-one else is shaped like a telegraph pole that's swallowed a Space Hopper. Went in jeans
Since you're all interested, I sat next to someone called Alice and opposite someone called Pippa and I had a double espresso as a pudding.
Just so the Mail is clear, I had a prawn cocktail.
My lunch was excellent. Doubtless the Mail will tell you all about it tomorrow.
It's amazingly hard to type accurately when you're in the back of a London cat.
I think I'm supposed to wear a suit for lunch today. But I've lost it.
I can't wait to read Vicky Pryce's book: she's such a lovely woman.
People are asking when season 20 of Top Gear premiers. I think they mean "series" and "begins".
I've been to the place in Turkey where there's been a car bomb. It's not really, as the BBC said, a market town.
I use "superb" as an homage to John Cleese, who used it brilliantly in Fawlty Towers. "It is not moth eaten. It is superb".
I hate the word "meal" as well.
the only time you should use "superb" is when prefixing the word "gash". I find.
Got bored with the Grand Prix. At the pub. Who won?
The Chipping Norton car is epic.
I don't normally do this but I'd be grateful if people read my column in the news review of the Sunday Times today. It's not on-line.
Kimi. Drive faster than the German chap and you will be able to overtake him.
This Irish band, Taken have acquired a set of skills over many years....
My daughter's been taken...
By an Irish band. They're called Taken.
I'm told they're worth a watch.
Does anyone else think Sir Ferguson retired so he doesn't have to drive that stupid Chevrolet any more?
Torres is totally fucking useless
Why are they wearing high visibility jackets?
How has Sugar ended up with this lot?
You try dealing with 730 bhp when it's pissing down.
Filming in Scotland always reminds me why we film so rarely in Scotland. It never stops bloody raining.
Can I just say that I've worked at the BBC for 24 years and in all that time, no-one has ever tried to put his finger in my bottom.
When will British Airways realise that babies belong in the hold?
Och aye the noo. I'm off to Scotland.
Many of the people I encounter while walking around London are quite mad.
A revolting youth on a moped just said he was going to "egg" me because I didn't have time to stop and pose for a picture.
He stood so close to me. But I'm still not convinced.