"I SAID, HANDS UP, WHO LIKES ME???" pic.twitter.com/o1Mjd3opKj
You can find cool shit on the Internet if you know the right words to type in. pic.twitter.com/IsEmoxPHBt
Yes, I like Santa. Are you really him? Why aren't you verified? If it's really you, I'm a big fan!
If you're unable to feel the "Oscar Buzz" during this time of year, there's something broken inside of you spiritually.
Want a glimpse into the life of this ultimate punk rock Hollywood bad boy? I am #pressed
Let's face facts, gang. I would NOT be a good rapper! I know my limits. I'm flattered you think I could spit fire, but it's not the case.
YOU AIN'T GOT THE ANSWERS, SWAY YOU AIN'T GOT THE ANSWERS, SWAY YOU AIN'T GOT THE ANSWERS, SWAY YOU AIN'T GOT THE ANSWERS, SWAY YOU AIN'T GO
writers: y no podcasts created by women on yr best of list? ppl like @julieklausner @ChelseaVPeretti @JenKirkman
are killing it.
My end of year list is just #barksy
over and over again. It's a great joke I wrote.
Whoops! This guy is on your Twitter timeline all of the sudden! You never know what will pop up on here! pic.twitter.com/1ywdIJtNls
Last week's episode of THE FOGELNEST FILES with @sosoglos
is now up with full video! youtu.be/PZw_S2lK9UE
Thank you very much, @TheAVClub
! I really like doing the show and this was a very nice thing you wrote. avclub.com/article/the-be…
Hi, I replaced the creepy mask on the cover of Billy Joel's "The Stranger" with @APMike
's head. #BestShowWFMU pic.twitter.com/GLLkyaslwF
No one has ever unfollowed me.
My Uber driver thought "Last Vegas" was "just okay."
Put a Juggalo in the White House by 2016 or admit that democracy is dead.
Have friends that don't follow me online? They are cowards!! Cut them out of your life. Feel good that you're on the right side of history!
A lot of bad @ replies to my last tweet from civilians. Maybe trying leaving the comedy to the web elite? You just sit back and enjoy. :-)
Twitter sucks. Get a life.
These 32 Naked Dads Setting Up Christmas Trees Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity somethingawful.com/news/thirtytwo…
Diane from 7A was JT LeRoy, thank you, this is the final tweet about this, smart literary reference, can't be topped, Fogelnest wins again.
The "7A!" argument at the beginning of "Daydream Believer" rightfully reclaims its spot as the most important #7A
in pop culture.
I get along with most people and I like to have fun. Do we goof around online sometimes? You bet we do! Hope this tweet brightens your day.
lol just gave this note to the mean lady that's on this airplane with me. pic.twitter.com/jWpB8uGr0L
hey guys i'm on a plane right now and a lady is being really mean and loud
The important thing to remember here, is that none of you learned a goddamn thing!
None of us are happy with your account.
Maybe Diane in 7A should've taken one of those Amazon drones instead? (I took two things people are talking about and mixed them together.)
It's been too long since we've heard from Katy Perry's character, Kathy Beth Terry. What's the latest in her life? The fans want to know! :)
one time Anthony Kiedis came into my work and asked if we sold women's tights and I told him to go to Ross dress for less
Make fun of my mixtape all you want. When it drops and you hear the track I do with Zach Braff, I think you'll be humming a different tune.
When my new mixtape drops all the haters will be sorry and rush to retract their mean spirited tweets.
I also have a fun take on Cyber Monday!
I bet the people who work at the Laurel Canyon Country Store can still get quaaludes.
. Please approve the Amazon Prime Air drones quickly. I want to be the first to have one deliver a dildo. It will be hilarious.
Disappointed that Mike Tyson's one man show doesn't begin with him saying, "Oh, hi. I didn't see you come in."
Terminator X from Public Enemy now runs an ostrich farm in North Carolina. It sounds like some dumb joke I'd write, but you can look it up.
Did you know it takes three hours to make an Iced Latte? Ooh this is a sassy and passive aggressive tweet, isn't it? I am such a bitch lol!
if you hear about someone passing away and your instinct is to think of the best joke for the occasion, i think you're human trash
Everyone retweet this, I have a question for your followers: where do you get off not following me? What's your fucking excuse? Smarten up.
Don't think you're so special. I'll have you know I've frenched girls before. Think about that the next time you try to bully me.
Today is #SmallBusinessSaturday
. Please support my small business. I sell angel dust on Etsy. For 20% off use offer code: KONY
J.D. Salinger locks a bunch of stories in a vault and they get leaked on the internet. Lol Salinger got pwned. Epic fail for Salinger.
I NEED MORE THINK PIECES ABOUT THE FAKE THING, GIVE ME THE THINK PIECES.