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Only Minions™
funnytweets 147,134 followers
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard.
You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
I advise you to surrender immediately, or I'll have to use a chat up line.
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
Let's play Winnie the Pooh and get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
You look beautiful today, just like every other day.
You're so hot, I could bake cookies on you.
Are you a girl scout, cause you tie my heart in knots.
Did you get your license suspended for driving so many guys crazy?
Are you a microwave oven? Cause you melt my heart.
Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!
Are you a kidnapper? Because you just abducted my heart.
Do you have any raisins? [No] How about a date?
Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.
It's dark in here. Wait! It's because all of the light is shining on you.
If you were a steak you would be well done.
I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.
I must be dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.
If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
You're hotter than donut grease.
Girl, your so hot my zipper is falling for you!
Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.
If I were a gardener, I'd put your tulips and my tulips together.
Hello, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual.
"Hi, i'm wasted but this condom in my pocket doesn't have to be."
How come i know the hundreds of digits of Pi, but not the 7 digits of your phone number?
When you see a girl yawning in front of you. " I'm tired too. We should sleep together!"
"I had two wonderful pickup lines. then i realized you deserve better. Hello, I'm Preston."
"Give me 30 minutes over lunch, and i will win your heart, as you have already won mine."
Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or me getting you out of them?
Do You Like Nintendo? Cuz "WII" Would Look Good Together.
Boy: "Hi, is your name Google?" Girl: (No, Why?) Boy: "Because you have everything I'm looking for!"
Hey can I follow you home? ("What?") "Oh sorry my parents just told me to follow my dreams."
"Hi, i'm writing a phone book, can I have your number?"
Wanna go on an ate with me? I'll give you the D later.
Are you from Holland? Cuz amster-dayyyuuumm.
I wanna be with you for the rest of my life Bae 😍❤
"Gurl, do you have a shovel in your back pocket?" (No Why?) "Cuz I'm diggin' that ass!"
"I'd like to point out that "beautiful" has U in it. But, 'quickie' has U & I together."
If I was a Jedi, would you be my force?
If I were Peter Pan You would be my happy thought.
Are you the daughter of Willy Wonka because you look delicious
Are you related to Johnny Depp?" (Why?) "Everytime you get near me my heart pounds and I want to scream!
My name is pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?
Do you like hamburgers? cuz i'll go in-n-out of you!
Damn girl! have you been eating Lucky Charms?(why?) because you`re looking magically delicious!
Let's make like fabric softener and Snuggle.
You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!