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braden graeber
I have looked upon the face of God.
billion dollar idea: coffee-flavored pumpkins
Hey girl are you arctic ice, because - oh no, where are you going?
Job Qualifications: adequate at monotasking knows what Photoshop is driven by fear
crazy christmas card collaboration coming RG: @saplingpress
I got my PhD in avoiding the workforce.
An app to block your bad vibes.
Redecorating the guest room.
Time flies when you’re having fun and ignoring the lingering fact that you’re running out of options.
Praying for people who think pumpkin is a spice.
The year is 2030. You're still an intern.
Rising global temperatures mean people will wear fewer layers of clothing and that is a bad thing. #PeoplesClimate
I majored in stress-napping.
It's not you it's your aesthetic choices.
*rubs self in truffle oil* "This is going to cost you $10 more now."
💩: The Human Condition Emoji
Trying to figure out what to do with your life? Here's what I do: lay down on the floor. It doesn't help but that's what I do.
Retweeted by braden graeber
This tomato is really into yoga.
The Internet: Come for the prospect of productivity, stay because hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
"Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" *likes Instagram* "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh" "Ugh"
At the farmers market trying to return all the shit I bought there last week that died.
Retweeted by braden graeber
Believe in yourself but don't be gross about it.
What about taking vegetables from strangers? Is that okay?
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
"Which college will you get into!? Take this quiz to find out!" *hands out SAT packets*
The year is 2020 - your body is covered in screens. You rent out your chest to live-stream Buzzfeed headlines to pay off your student loans.
"The bigger screen allows people further away to see that you have an iPhone. Never be mistaken for a poor person again."
This iPhone 7 "tweet to the past" feature is pretty cool. Also -- you guys should probably start stockpiling water.
I just love weather that requires people to wear more clothing.
sweater weather > sweating weather
God bless our national symbol, the Pumpkin Spice Football.
Sometimes you just have to disconnect and experience #nature.
RT if you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Retweeted by braden graeber
True Life: Whenever I express genuine enthusiasm about something, people assume I’m joking.
R.I.P. dead celebrity. You are in Heaven now with other celebrities, still doing what made you famous. My idea of Heaven is just Hollywood.
Retweeted by braden graeber