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I saw the best book title today: 'The complete idiots guide to religion'
Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them ~ Oscar Wilde
Q. What flower grows on your face? A. Tulips. (Trina, age 11)
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I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either
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God, for not existing ~ From the 'Thank you' section of the credits for the movie Waiting
Why does the Vatican have lightning rods?
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
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Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party? Because he was a party pooper
The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies ~ Mark Twain
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I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took an excuse ~ Florence Nightingale (1820 ~1910) English pioneer of modern nursing
Perfection of character is: to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretence ~ Marcus Aurelius
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Yo mama's so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
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John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face
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Be a good ancestor. Stand for something bigger than yourself. Add value to the Earth during your sojourn ~ Marian Wright Edelman
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts. (Mallory, age 10)
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When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason... there's a reason. - Molly McGee, N.B.C
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Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
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Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.
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