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Malcolm G Patten
I saw the best book title today: 'The complete idiots guide to religion'
Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them ~ Oscar Wilde
Q. What flower grows on your face? A. Tulips. (Trina, age 11)
Avoid eating snacks while watching TV. Instead, Start Here tinyurl.com/FLPFIT
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do...
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand...
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either
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God, for not existing ~ From the 'Thank you' section of the credits for the movie Waiting
Why does the Vatican have lightning rods?
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
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There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing
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Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party? Because he was a party pooper
The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies ~ Mark Twain
What makes a man think about a candlelit dinner? A power cut...
Cut Down on “Saturated Fat” since saturated fats increase the LDL (Bad) cholesterol levels in our body
If spitting gets Tiger Woods a fine, imagine by how much we could reduce the deficit if footballers and their Mangers were fined too...
I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took an excuse ~ Florence Nightingale (1820 ~1910) English pioneer of modern nursing
Perfection of character is: to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretence ~ Marcus Aurelius
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Yo mama's so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
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3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face
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Be a good ancestor. Stand for something bigger than yourself. Add value to the Earth during your sojourn ~ Marian Wright Edelman
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts. (Mallory, age 10)
Christians think superstition is immune from derision just because it has been around for 2000 years…
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason... there's a reason. - Molly McGee, N.B.C
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Nobody likes to be sold to. So, let them come to you asking... tinyurl.com/4everFITFree
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important…
Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking…
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Red Rice is one of the most effective ways to reduce bad cholesterol in blood
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.
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