San Diego! Let's get classy with @billygalewood
this Thurs-Fri. Tix: eventbrite.com/e/billy-galewo…
LA: Just a last-minute TV taping you can come see at @westsidecomedy
Just found out Jeff Bezos has become the richest man in the world AND that I'm his son.
LA: Free tix to see me at @HollywoodImprov
tonight! Click: goo.gl/forms/visdhWqx…
: It's 90° at 7:30 AM. Get ready for my SPF '17 Tour tonight. eventbrite.com/e/eric-schwart…
GET IN FREE to this 🔥🔥🔥 line up SUN @ 8! Click the link and get here early to ensure your spot! ---&ggoo.gl/forms/cEPWcfTD…
I'm going crazy on #NationalJunkFoodDay
eating this kale that's NON-ORGANIC! 👅#CheatDay
Chester was at my show once and couldn't have been a nicer, gentler, genuine soul. Voice of a generation. Handsome guy, too...
From "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" to "If he's been released, you must retweet."
unveiled 56 new emojis for #WorldEmojiDay
but STILL haven't contacted me about mine.
Just shot some sketches with @billygalewood
to counter Ann Coulter's negativity.
I'm starting a petition to rename #NationalIceCreamDay
to "Ice Cream Sunday." Like and/or RT to sign.
I'm Bringing the Heat This Summer - SPF '17 Tour: youtu.be/B7BfU6EwxU0?a
if I didn't find the next song in four minutes, there would be dead air.
Does this make you 😂, 😞 or �6vD
Pence: "Boots on Mars by 2033. But first, hands on this thingy..."
Politics treats handshakes like movies treat kisses.
I can't let the neighborhood fall apart without at least trying to do something.