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Eric Schwartz

San Diego! Let's get classy with @billygalewood and @SarahHylander this Thurs-Fri. Tix:…
LA: Just a last-minute TV taping you can come see at @westsidecomedy tonight!
Just found out Jeff Bezos has become the richest man in the world AND that I'm his son.
☀️Thank you, Tucson!☀️
#Tucson: It's 90° at 7:30 AM. Get ready for my SPF '17 Tour tonight.…
GET IN FREE to this 🔥🔥🔥 line up SUN @ 8! Click the link and get here early to ensure your spot! ---&…wyvJ
Retweeted by Eric Schwartz
I'm going crazy on #NationalJunkFoodDay eating this kale that's NON-ORGANIC! 👅#CheatDayyK
Chester was at my show once and couldn't have been a nicer, gentler, genuine soul. Voice of a generation. Handsome guy, too...
From "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" to "If he's been released, you must retweet." #OJSimpsonParole
.@Apple unveiled 56 new emojis for #WorldEmojiDay but STILL haven't contacted me about mine. #HolyShirt at
Just shot some sketches with @billygalewood and @thepetermarr to counter Ann Coulter's negativity.
I'm starting a petition to rename #NationalIceCreamDay to "Ice Cream Sunday." Like and/or RT to sign.
I'm Bringing the Heat This Summer - SPF '17 Tour: via @YouTube
#90sWereTheBestBecause if I didn't find the next song in four minutes, there would be dead air.
Does this make you 😂, 😞 or �6vD
Pence: "Boots on Mars by 2033. But first, hands on this thingy..."
Politics treats handshakes like movies treat kisses.
Happy 4th of July, 1991.
I can't let the neighborhood fall apart without at least trying to do something.
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