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Eric Schwartz
Donald Trump's accomplishments: 1. Celebrity Apprentice 2. Gucci store owner 3. Invented duck lips
As a wedding DJ, I told the crowd to "Say 'HO!'" #WhyTheyFiredMe
#FoodAnEightiesSong 🎼🎢 Do you really want some turkey? With some BLT stacked up on white?🎢
Great 1st night @RoosterTF...if u call getting bald hazed by these 2 hairy mfs "a great night." See u here thru Sun.
#GeekPickUpLines Q: You wanna know what the biggest bone in my body is? A: My femur. #fact @midnight
World Trade Center One: I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't have that kind of power. #NYC #sunset
#IHaveGeekCredBecause my last relationship was purely physical – she beat the crap out of me.

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