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Today is brought to you by the words ... "Meh" and "Pfffttt!"
Just went to pick up a paper clip but accidentally picked up two paper clips. Sometimes I don't know my own strength
TBH My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
Back in my day, you didn't even know who was calling you when your phone rang. Now that seems scary.
#SundayTip One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
I want to start a Precedents Day, but it's tough because there's never been one before.
I'm definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
I know I sound like a broken record but tomorrow I'll sound like a misfiring engine and, next week, continuous loud television static.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
#BBC3 Watch this lots! But never watched bbc4 - and bbc4 has lower viewing figures! #MakesNoSense
Driving Lessons Telford - Well Done Reece! Passed his driving test in Telford with just 4 minor faults!...
#Perton crash - Pupils on the coach involved in the crash believed to attend Adams Grammar School in Newport, Shropshire
Retweeted by ⚡⚡⚡Chris⚡⚡⚡⚡
So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.
I made my son a castle with a built in abacus. It's the fort that counts.
Sometimes a photo-bomb opportunity is just tooooooooo good to miss!!
If you're looking at this on your phone .... Try this