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Heather B. Armstrong

blogging blogger 1,548,396 followers
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OMG, I am never forgiving you for this one @jkottke: kottke.org/13/06/massive-…
  3h
Join me, @laflowers & @GirlsGoneChild now for some #NetflixFamilies fun & an opp. to win a 1-yr sub. to @netflix
  4h
Netflix Launches Netflix Families, Wins All Of The Internet Things (+ Giveaway):... fb.me/2rZ5wF3TI
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Please send your thoughts and love to @blurb today: blurbomat.com/status-loss/
I want to forget having ever seen this and yet I'm posting a photo of it to Instagram instagram.com/p/amTe03AkXW/
The great thing about your kid losing her glasses is that she can only *hear* you losing your shit.
9-yr-old: "You can't play this game. It's too hard." 3-yr-old: "I think YOU are too hard."
My sister's name is September and my brother's name is Ranger and yet *I* am the one who ended up with a blog.
"I will turn this car RIGHT AROUND!" was one of the most thrillingly effective things that has ever come out of my mouth.
I told her Celtic Fairy Tales was no Game of Thrones but did she listen? instagram.com/p/aPNVWZAkfV/
Quality moments in mommyblogging vine.co/v/bLAt1r7wP9J
The best thing about being a polygamist has got to be all the people you can blame for not replacing the toilet paper roll.
“As I have loved you, love one another”: dooce.com/2013/06/05/as-… fb.me/2tmJ5Senb
"Mom, don't forget your birthday on Thursdays." - 3-yr-old who has obviously confused "birthday" with "therapy appointment"
Despite what has happened to "Arrested Development" I hope this is the future of television:... fb.me/1LzMC8nbL
"Whoa! Almost hit that window!" - 3-yr-old who just smacked me in the face with the end of a rope.
I could just post this photo and it would tell the whole story:... fb.me/1y4Gmg473
A personal injury law firm called Bluetooth & Sideboob
Today's the last day to shop my Curate for a Cause event benefitting @everymomcounts:... fb.me/27PQEMH3e
A personal injury law firm called Cougars & Douche
My 3-yr-old just told a random kid at the grocery store, "My granddaughter has the same shoes!"
What. Doesn't every mommyblogger have her own chauffeur? instagram.com/p/Za9G0jgkao/
Did anybody else in NY get caught in that flash flood last week? dooce.com/2013/05/16/may… fb.me/SV2KFYhz
You know who's super cute? The god who invented curdled milk. What a great guy.
The number one piece of advice I give to new parents is: you are so fucked.
The farting. It's as sacred as a prayer. "@fishsticked: @dooce Because of the fart or the apology? This requires clarification.”
My kid just apologized for farting. In the eyes of my immediate family she might as well go ahead and deny the existence of god.
You're not allowed to tell me about the dream you had last night unless you have a British accent AND just inhaled a helium balloon.
If this isn’t for you, it’s for someone you know:... fb.me/PmZPvTWQ
Shazam for personality disorders.
Check out my Curate for a Cause collection benefiting @everymomcounts over at @jossandmain:... fb.me/2y0OPqGO6
That moment you accidentally pinch your kid with the seat belt and instead of sympathy you think karma.