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Diablo Cody
Girl, you're never "out of the woods" with an English rock star. His 4th wife when he's 80 will be out of the woods, MAYBE.
Mom and I left the sick people at home and got us some-ah MEATBALLS!
If you're having a stressful day, perhaps this will help: Carol Burnett is aging well and looks great.
Retweeted by Diablo Cody
I got a little too excited about Dan's trip to the doctor for pain meds.
Ebola? Try applying organic coconut oil to the rectum.
Alcohol is like putting on life-canceling headphones.
We get it, you like your kid.
Consider @robertmarbury's Taxidermy Art:… It's funny & entertaining and strange and cool and u learn about taxidermy
Retweeted by Diablo Cody
Our NY den of cool has turned into Sick City. 👎
I saw the table of bootleg scripts on the street in Soho and I had to look...
Yeah, but standing INSIDE the fire probably isn't the best idea either.
Jan Hooks and her characters were quoted a LOT around my house growing up. RIP to an amazing performer.
Shit got dark in Iowa. (The corn baby is still funny, though.) tbt #1997 #depression
Not too often that you get to take your mother-in-law to the set of the movie SHE inspired. Super cool day!
We are having a good time on "Ricki and the Flash," man. This Jonathan Demme kid can DIRECT!
Us Weekly's quiz writer really phoned it in this week.
I woke up to a series of late-night texts from @louisvirtel. Apparently I made a flippant remark about Paul Lynde years ago and he finally decided to confront me about it. Really hoping we can work this out.
Is there an actual Hamilton Beach and do they have smoothies
Take a moment to thank your anus for all the years it's been working.
I told my mom that the polar bear at the Central Park Zoo died, and she non-jokingly, very seriously said "Suicide?"
When I met you, I saw everything. I know you now.
I had to sneak this photo, but Dan's mom is visiting and they both ran out of shit to say and fell asleep.
#BestPicture 2014
Rye Playland is closed and cold, which is basically a Morrissey lyric.
There's so much written about which directors are the most talented, but not enough about who's cutest.
Madonna's Instagram is amazing. She writes things like "Icon!" and "Slayyyy" ABOUT HERSELF.
I'm pretty sure most of you already guessed this, but I'm officially coming out as Slytherin.
Script is done and ready to shoot tomorrow, so now I just walk Jonathan Demme's poodles.
Everyone says my nephew takes after me.
Remember when that study came out & said men get aroused from vanilla, and then we all walked around smelling like boring cookies for 5 yrs?
I see you lady, shakin' that torch.
I was really excited to try on a fake "scarf lady" persona in New York but it's like 80 here.
As my producer/pal Marc Platt just said, "The day I walk onto my set and don't get chills is the day I retire." #RickiAndTheFlash
Serving Vulcan austerity & Quaker Oats realness for the club tonight.
Bill Clinton can be my grandpa, if you know what I'm saying.
Ordinarily he would never dare to go on this couch, but he's fully aware that Daddy is out of town.
The scariest storm troopers have meat tenderizers.
Having to dye your eyebrows black along with everything else. #gothgirlproblems
I have baes of the week undies.
Never get your nads pumped for an ancient 21 year-old who's jealous of your A minus! #tbt #1997
#tbt Drunk peeing in babydoll dresses. Pure class. I never saw this guy again because he moved to North Carolina, but we did hook up later that night after sharing a pouch of Skoal behind a dumpster. #1998
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You can slap the adjective "calming" on just about any product and parents will buy the shit out of it.
I'm older than Jim.
GUYS! GUYS! James Eckhouse (Jim Walsh) was 35 when "90210" started! I'm gonna go kill myself, bye!
I'm sorry I can't stop tweeting about chicken.
There is a recipe for "engagement chicken" but I can't find a recipe for "leave me the fuck alone with my magazine."
Guys! This is so fucked up because they actually DID get rid of Brendan. Like, the kid got written off the show. #foreshadowing #stepbystep