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Diablo Cody
I'm older than Jim.
GUYS! GUYS! James Eckhouse (Jim Walsh) was 35 when "90210" started! I'm gonna go kill myself, bye!
I'm sorry I can't stop tweeting about chicken.
There is a recipe for "engagement chicken" but I can't find a recipe for "leave me the fuck alone with my magazine."
Guys! This is so fucked up because they actually DID get rid of Brendan. Like, the kid got written off the show. #foreshadowing #stepbystep
"I guess I'll have... SEX ON THE BEACH! (uproarious laughter)" -- first customer ever to order it
I mean, I do want this.
My mom is the Salvador Dali of texting.
BTW, you can buy roast chicken and pretend you made it. Just stuff some sodden lemon halves in the chicken's gaping b-hole and look smug.
There are so many roast chickens at the store that I have to wear a butt plug to keep roast chickens from flying up my ass.
I think I've gone this long without roasting a chicken just to defy the people who are like, "Everyone should know how to roast a chicken."
I don't just read "The Baby-Sitters Club," see.
If you're seeking a great fall read, check out "The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace"…
I think Ann M. Martin hated Stacey. "You're pretty, so I'll make you sick all the time. Meanwhile, Mallory is the picture of good health."
It was cruel of Ann M. Martin to stick, Stacey, of all people, in the infirmary for a week at Camp Mohawk.
God, I love old People articles from the '80s.…
This candle has a wood wick and crackles. This is the type of basic shit I have to rely on for excitement these days. #turnt
This Jehovah's Witness came to our door and told us she was 103, so naturally my brother demanded a pic. If Adolfa is telling the truth, she's my hero. #CentenariansInAnimalPrints
Since some of you are truly invested in the sweater story, here's a picture I drew of said sweater while I was emotionally spiraling. (And yes, that is a STACK of other journals under this one, all filled cover-to-cover by my crazy college self.) #tbt #sweater
The ongoing saga of the $70 Limited sweater I left at an ex-boyfriend's house in 1998.This is what unmedicated OCD/graphomania looks like. #tbt
My 2-year-old screamed "OHHHHH SHIT!" this morning, like I'd just told a devastating Yo Mama joke.
Nokia phones and Von Dutch! :) RT @johngary What will we be nostalgic for about the 00's? Food security? Air quality? Water?
I don't think celebs should be allowed to tweet at other celebs. You guys have plenty of places to blow each other. Try the Ritz lobby, IDK.
Regram from the Duggars... I love you, Jinger. I believe in you. The world is your cheeseburger.
I had a TV show that no one watched before all these other people had TV shows that no one watches.
After my 500th viewing of "Frozen," I'm rooting for Prince Hans.
I had a shitty dream last night that I called 911 and the dispatcher was noodling on a classical guitar and telling me to "be more chill."
#OOTD uniform skirt with hesher tee. Except you can't really see the outfit, and I'm not really an outfit person, so I guess this is really Bitchface of the Day. #BOTD. Also... Welcome back @sarahsowitty! 🐆💍
OH NO, NOW IT'S "BEAST OF BURDEN"! Do these people know my entire set list?!
I'm writing in a bar, and they just put on "Armageddon It," and I had to suppress the Pavlovian instinct to give someone a lap dance.
I would sometimes have to censor the outrageous shit the kids said. They would complain about their host families and I'd be like "Masha says she's very grateful!" Still love my Russians. #tbt #1999 #любовь
I admire classic filmmakers. They make me want to step up my game. For instance, Orson Welles would be on his 5th BLT & scotch at this hour.
Retweeted by Diablo Cody
@jillianharris my wife @diablocody and I love you, and we have an "open concept" marriage, just FYI ;)
Retweeted by Diablo Cody
An insult to the class. #tbt #1997 #journal 🐄
All us old weirdos who've been dealing with online shit since the '90s think your "modern" thinkpieces about your hurt feelings are cute.
CONFESSION: Sometimes I'll casually leave a Tampax Ultra wrapper lying out so people will know how big I am. ;)
We felt like Islands.
If we're being honest, I wish I was a little less about that bass.
Do you think anyone has put the watch on their penis yet, and if not, who will be first
I can't wait to see "Love & Mercy." Brian Wilson is my hero.
I found a saved document on my computer that's just Ben & Jerry's flavors I invented while stoned.
Jill is the Warmest Duggar
If a monstrously huge red dog came into my possession, I wouldn't name it fucking "Clifford."
I dreamed @robdelaney and I were at the airport. Gate attendant says "Now pre-boarding #ChristianDadsWhoVape" and Rob was like, bye. #true
Bruno Mars never talks about his love life because we're very private people.
"Kent" was my guitar. I can't imagine why this guy dumped me! #fbf #college #90s #outerspace