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Dan Willis
The more I listen to the new #JustinBieber song, the more it sounds like a preemptive strike should his career go all #BillCosby
The closest match to date, but #garfield just pips it, meaning the #Hawks will win the #GrandFinal but it'll be tight
#GrandFinal weekend, thus my daily cartoon battle will have #garfield as the #Hawks & #calvinandhobbes the #Eagles results in 5 pages time!
I'm not convinced Calvin would use the word Isometric, thus I'm giving this one to #Garfield
#calvinandhobbes is feeling mildly philosophical today, but #garfield just pips it #whichisfunnier
Not great from either camps, #calvinandhobbes just pips #garfield at #ufc.. Least they're better than #FredBasset
It's a close one today between #garfield and #calvinandhobbes .. But the daily #ufc title goes to Garfield...
My last show of Whinging Pom at #MelbourneFringe is tonight at the courthouse hotel, as it's in 15mins, I'd get a rush on!!!
B4 I kept count, #garfield was romping away with the #ufc title; Since scorekeeping #calvinandhobbes have a 2:0 lead!
Well today's #ufc between #calvinandhobbes and #garfield.. It's a draw..
I don't want to upset the young lad, but @JacobCrawley94 predicted #NewcastleUnited would beat #SheffieldWednesday 5:0 Nostradamus skills!
In #garfield vs #calvinandhobbes #ufc (ultimate funny championship). Today, Calvin and Hobbes wins!
Full respect to the Melbourne Underground Film Festival for not changing their name to avoid a dodgy acronym! #muff
@danwillis007 This does not look like a man who will give you (and everyone else) free money... #WhingingPom
Retweeted by Dan Willis
After joining the mile high club with your wife, what you don't want to see is her swiping a members card and redeeming points!!
@danwillis007 this is why the jocks and Geordies was cancelled tonight
Retweeted by Dan Willis
Today at 2.50pm, Liquid Rooms Annexe Double will host my final show of Edinburgh Festival 2015.. I shall then sleep, wake up and have a beer
Tonight at 12am, I'll be taking on @obiecomedian in the Comedian Rap battle at Bannermans pub.. I will be genuinely awful.. come along!
This is Scottish pizza, served in the traditional way!! #edfringe
It's Wednesday already.. that's about a quarter of the way through #edfringe2015 .. I'm yet to break anything yet, but there's time..
#edfringe2015 kicks off for me tomorrow at Midday, Cabaret Voltaire will bare witness to what is currently a shackle of Rams with potential
No valentines, birthday wishes or bottle of wine for #Australia - 64 was too high a target! #TheAshes2015 #bbccricket #kangaroos #barmyarmy
#Edfringe kicks off in a handful of days; It's basically the start of the school year for me, without the new blazer, pencil case & wedgies
It's 7yrs since Carol Vordermans last countdown, that Pride of Britain gig must pay a mint- 1 nights work & a cougar is funded for life!
For years I've thought my wife suffered from Tourette's, but it turns out I am a c£nt and she just wants me to f£ck off!!
My computer keeps saying it's gonna go to sleep if I don't start supplying it with energy, I've never felt closer to technology in my life
In #newcastle and just passed the cathedral of worship for way too many fellow #geordies
Flight into second hour of delay.. I've used my #Macgyver instinct to make a cot.. Out of my wife!
Flight delayed, have made a playpen out of my own legs, the #Macgyver instinct kicks in again
Cool stuff I've seen in #Auckland today, great sculptures, fire escapes and toilets in the middle of motorways..
Last night of my New Zealand escapades today, 2 shows to do at @ClassicComedyNZ then refreshment and back to family life!
How good is the Classic Comedy club?? You get personalised welcome notes.. Now that's classy!!
Argued with my mate about whether to have Turkish bread prior to or after hitting the pubs- I told him "Pide comes before a crawl"!
Onto gig 7 of my trip to #Perth, tonight takes me to the Charles Hotel for fun, mayhem and a laugh or 2 from 8pm..
I officially nominate Kevin Keegan for #FIFA president, he's a good bloke, loves football and speaks many languages. #kevinkeegan
Good to see a top #English #beer on sale in #Australia for once!!!
Stayed up till 230am watching #NUFC and they actually won.. So it's another year of the same then.. Glory glory Toon United!!
On the plus side, this is the first time in 3 yrs I've seen #NUFC have a full column in the @theheraldsun #Melbourne
Bored on a Thursday night? Got no cash? Need laughs? Come down to the exford, free comedy from 830pm, Ill be talking silliness at some point
Authorities blamed for not giving man support after he was 1st caught pony shagging- what did he want? A stepladder?
Chocolate Tart, 4 Pines Baltic Porter.. What more could you want for a desert? @GoodBeerWeek #PoO15 @Rainbow_Fitzroy
Modus Operandi, not only a life choice, but a top beer.. Slapped down with some spiced lamb! #PoO15 @GoodBeerWeek
I think I may be getting tipsy, stone and wood alt beer, matched with mushroom broth.. #PoO15 @GoodBeerWeek
chuck Norris's single hop red ale, oh alright then, but only if it comes with smoked duck breast #PoO15 @GoodBeerWeek
What's that, course 5 ish, beer 5 ish.. Best MC job ever.. Oh yes, it's 44 Amber from Riverside breweries #PoO15
Amuse-Bouche from the chef; artichoke soup, artichokes make up the best punchline of all time, 3 for a pound at Asda
Rocks Brewery, Rainbow Connection and throw in a beef rib slider.. Now a 3rd of the way thru the night #PoO15
Nomad Breweries, Long Trip Saison.. With pickled prawns, luckily not in the same bowl! #PoO15 @GoodBeerWeek
Course 2, Akasha Brew, Freshwater Pale ale with citrus tuna and Ox tongue.. Oh yeah! #PoO15 @GoodBeerWeek

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