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Dan Willis

Front Page of @theTiser - cycle lane to be half removed, also Red Apples to be grown. Page 2- Backpacker kidnapped. Priorities?
#Clipsal500 we have survived you! Now I'm expecting a chilled out Monday night of laughs followed by #TheWalkingDead and a good snooze.
Back in #perth via #melbourne and #adelaide.. sold out shows rocking the house.. on Monday it's back to Adelaide and reality! Livin Perth!
I'm in the South Australias version of the Mos Eisley Cantina. Border town Hotel. I'd like to fit in, but I don't have a hi vis vest..
#PTV 693 bus more than 5mins early (9.20am stop ID 14416), what utter uselessness is that? There's no excuse for an early bus. @ptv_official
Just messaged Norman Lovett to confirm tonight's gig, looked up and realised I was sat next to Craig Charles, never felt so #RedDwarf
Into the final 3rd of Perth Fringeworld. @kaihumphries and @CareyMarx are doing the business, and my voice remains unbroken. 3 months to go!
After 2 nights of full solo shows and #BestOfBritish I've a sneaking feeling Sunday is gonna bring me back to earth with a resounding bump!
It's January 3rd, and I'm already feeling good about 2017.. I bought a calendar today- 50% off and only 0.5% of it is unusable. #2017rocks !
Merry New Year I say! In an #EddieMurphy throwback! Just had a lovely gig, followed by #melbourne #fireworks now at……
Sat waiting to go on at a #NewYearsEve gig at a very posh jazz bar.. one of the bar staff just handed me this note..
Paperwork all afternoon. It's hot out there, boiling in here. I'm sensing a15min break coming up- 10mins in the pool, 5 in the shower. #hot
How's this for a #christmas2016 glamour shot? Dolly decided we were wearing the wrong hats, thus a quick swap & I t……
Happy Christmas one & all. Santa's been already- it is, after all 1am. So getting close to bedtime, now Dolly's 2, #Christmas is fun again!
It's #Christmas, we've got a fridge full of food and a 2yr old waiting for Santa. Luckily I fit right into the role, belly, beard, the lot!
#ChristmasDay in #Melbourne is set to be between 37°c & 42°c. Santa's gonna need a shave, some flip flops and a shandy! #NeverInNewcastle
Having tonight won the prestigious comedy award "Token Ethnic of the year" at station 59. I feel compelled to make a speech, I'm also tired.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing! Boom, it's #christmascracker time people!
#Technology is an incredible thing.. Asked @Apple @AppleSupport for a new password for my #iTunes account, it's gonna take them 3 days!
After a nuts week of fun in #Perth #tigerair have got me back to #melbourne 15mins early. I shall use the time to consider taking up yoga.
Window shopping in #Fremantle.. not much point really, I flew here #Tigerair thus there's no space in my hand luggage for goodies..
Arrived in #Perth for a weekend of gigs, it's 5pm, beautiful weather.. And I've nothing to do for an hour.. I think I shall stroll..
This week is looking busy, 5 gigs covering over 7000km.. I'll have used planes, boats, buses, cars, trains & 8 pairs of socks #youdothemaths
Anyone in camberwell tonight? I'm at the Palace, near the station.. feel free to hunt me down, I might be funny. #might #outsidechance
I'm a baby goat! Stop pretending to be me!! I Kid you Not!
Just as I thought #NUFC would give me nothing but pleasure this year. A full week of defeat takes me right back to the good old days (2015).
How's this for a #charityshopfind that reminds me of @MickNeven ? Send me $10 and I'll snap it up for you!
Tonight I had to leave a #Christmas party 30mins b4 #Santa arrived. What a start to the weekend! @TheComicsLounge had better appreciate me!
#Australian judge let's off man for sleeping with 14yr old girl because she was "Nubile & hard to resist"……
Im thinking they pitched this story wrong- "Shark attacks fisherman", more like "Shark defends itself from predator"…
Just walked past a bit of water that a bloke described to me as "Kinda Croccy". That's a description you don't hear……
Thanks to #Rockhampton for a weekend of laughs & sausage sizzles.. Now it's back to #Melbourne for a week @TheComicsLounge with Steve Hughes
I'm nearly feeling sorry for @realDonaldTrump - only nutters would openly support his candidacy, now he's gotta give them jobs..
Am awaiting a transfer in Brisbane Airport, it's 30c outside and I've had to put a hoodie on, the air con is killing me! #GlobalWarming
Just hosted in the main room of Star Casino, last night the #Arias with Kylie and Robbie. Tonight twas me and a lot of good people from #HP
Can't stop watching the #TrumpPenceVictory2016 Opera; but only because of the genius @StephenAtHome @sethmeyers @iamjohnoliver commentaries.
Where will @gazinthechapel be on Sat 17th of December??? I've heard #BurtonAlbion are hosting someone for the first time!
In CQ we don't have much, tropical Island, best beaches and top weather so this is gunna be a top notch nite……
Retweeted by Dan Willis
Internet Trolls- I've recently experienced one that looks like an actual Troll.. This must mean that nature is taking its course..
40 mins till #TheWalkingDead Im showing a great deal of patience. In 1hr40 I'll begin a 10080 min wait for the next episode. Ad infinitum.
Id like to thank #Toyota @Toyota_Aus for a car that Immobilizes itself with no reset option- leaving me with a new car & 2 useless keys
Today is International Toilet Day, and just to get with the vibe, I've made numerous donations. #internationaltoiletday
3 weeks ago I was focussed on fitness, then a week of flu, a strained back and I'm back to my old weight. So it all starts again!
I've decided to watch episode 4 of season 7 of #TheWalkingdead even though directly after each episode I spend about 4hrs craving the next 1
It's Saturday and I've been moderately active, cleaned the pool and sorted out the garden. C'mon Summer, I'm ready for you!!
My Sister would love it if anyone interested in #Pies & #Ale would fill out this it literally takes 1 minute! #beer
Well, the next 4 years won't be boring.. In a sort of 1939 to 1945 kinda way..
Just when the day starts getting me down. Tourism Australia go and release another advert. See you in the Northern……
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