I'd like to send thanks to the Antonov An-225, the worlds largest plane.. Your arrival in Perth today has made a 20min journey a 2hr slog!
This Tuesday is officially Admin day.. Monday will be Family day, then I shall be ploughing thru all the piles of back logged communications
Final solo show of festival season done! Finished with a sold out show, I ain't complaining about those biscuits!!
2 more gigs & my festival marathon is over. 1st normal gig in Melbourne will be hosting #PintOfOrigin @GoodBeerWeek
I love this job
Been talking #Cricket
2 a load of #England
supporters. Ended up coated in bread crumbs, ketchup, cheese & ham. Parmy Army! @AdelaideBarmies
's only cooking/comedy show: @georgeegg
has just 3 nights left at Herald Theatre. Book @Ticketmaster
It started Jan 12th in Perth.. 5 months later, via Adelaide, Melbourne, New Zealand & Sydney Festivals.. I'm back in Perth, 1 week to go!!!
Ive just been charged $26 for a thimble of beer and two teaspoons of tapas.. Yep, I'm at the airport! #movida
Bondi ain't too bad.. But I do get a tinge every so often that makes me miss Newcastle - a greggs steak bake would go down a treat right now
2nd day of Sydney Comfest, no solo today, but busy- opening at Happy Endings & shoot across town to finish @ Comedy Store. #CanSleepin12days
The UAE imported $456m worth of sand last year, somewhere out there is a superhero of a salesman..
Tonight I will be mainly performing comedy at Bondi Pavilion, is tell you who else is on, but we've been sworn to secrecy.. #sick
Arrived in #Sydney
decided to treat myself to a Taxi, thus timing my arrival for Dolly's bedtime.. I'm gambling on a cuddle, possibly 2..
2 weeks at New Zealand Comedy festival completed.. Sydney comfest here I come! Am being joined by my ladies for this one, so double bonus!
Am packed, ready for flight- just got a couple hours to kill.. Was meant to meet @IamRichWilson
for lunch, but the beast he sleeps!!
Have completed #NZICF
now a quick shuffle across the Pacific and #SICF
will have the dubious pleasure of my company.
It's been a while now, a good few years.. Am thinking Pete Townsend is putting loads of work into that book of his..
I'll tell you what's happening Auckland- my last night of Solo shows! Then there's a pyjama party, then #NUFC
may well get relegated!
4th show at #NZICF
last night and first sellout! Great fun had, usual stupidity afterwards.. One more show to go, with way more stupidity!
Standard festival night, opened at the #AllStars
with @JamesNokise @JamesAcaster
then taxied across town to do my solo show, beer then sleep
The Comedy All-Star show is back by popular demand! Catch @JamesAcaster
That's it, I'm staying in #NewZealand
.. Erin and Dolly I'll be sending for you soon!
I wouldn't read too much into the far right making political gains in #Austria
it's not like they, ah wait a minute #AustrianPresident
Just randomly watched one step beyond by #madness
it's got to be rated as one the single best tunes of all time. #ska #needs30yrstobejudged
genius of @vodafoneNZ
they give you a zillion minutes of international call time, data to download the titanic, but no credit for voicemail!
went great- i was a bit Zombiefied to start, but shook off a few limbs & managed to train a few Kiwis in the arts
Another 80's Genius gone.
Raspberry Beret, Little Red Corvette, Alphabet Street & way too many more classics to fit in one tweet!
Doing first MC gig of #NewZealand #comedyfestival
and have managed to call the crowd Australian twice.. I've been festivalling way too long!
Just discovered my hotel doesn't supply toilet roll.. I'm so classy, I've just had my second shower of the day #luxury
Arrived in NZ, now living in a shoebox next to a building site, with paper thin curtains & sun facing mornings.. Sleep is now an issue!
2 trains, 2 buses, then a plane, another bus and a short stroll, that's my day.. I don't think I've ever wanted to own a helicopter more..
About to head off for my 4th comedy festival in a row. It's around about now I could use a nap and a foot rub.
Schools are to debunk sexual myths portrayed in porn- this will surely lead to a dangerous decline in Pizza Delivery boys & fridge repairmen
Aroundabout 70% of my crowd in #WhingingPom
last night were studying English as a foreign language.. Not the most rocking gig ever, but fun!
This is not a good start to the night.. In the old days at least you could shake the machine! #kitkattravels
The weekend is over, I now have a few brief moments to pause.. Wait a second.. I've a baby girl, that's those brief moments gone..
Today feels like a Sunday, as it's Sunday, I'm guessing that's good.. I could seriously go a Roast, and possibly an episode of Bullseye.
Nearly broke a venue today- at the Exford my shows clocked just over 700 people.. Add the 2 pub crawls and we smashed 1000! Rock and roll!
3 shows in, about to start number 4; So far all is going to plan, though Ive a feeling we're playing a massive game of comedy Jenga tonight!
Saturday Exford gigs kick off at 130pm, in 12hrs time 7 shows will have happened, I may well then sleep.. Then same on Sunday.. ZzzzzzzzZzz
My wife has a new #Fitbit
which means we now have to march everywhere at pace. It's 6.15pm, I'm pooped from shopping & have 4 gigs tonight.
is a lot easier to achieve when you've got a big plastic turtle filled with sand!
Physically I'm feeling fighting fit, vocally I'm completely screwed.. Luckily @Bradshaw
Brit comedy veteran @danwillis007
has got a bag of jokes, experiences and hangovers to share bit.ly/1ROk0Nz
; they did "Bloke in a dress" way funnier than any b4 or since in "The worm has turned" love it!
I'm sat in China Bar, sipping tea, waiting for my Wife to finish partying. She's got a 12am curfew, I suspect I may have to ground her..
Voice appears to be fighting back. Mental solo show. And now I'm gonna introduce Donny Donkins to Best of British. Mental may well continue!
It took 2.5 months & 212 gigs,
(58 solo, 86 MCs & 68 random)
But my voice has packed in, so tonight.
I'm a lazy git- 1 gig only.
There's a great crowd at the Exford hotel, and they need acts.. @GreekGeordie
and co- get down