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Dan Willis
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4th #nufc match in a row I've stayed up to watch,.. Not wanting too much credit, but I reckon Alan Pardew owes me a pint
Sat in #Perth departure lounge, way too early for my flight, but the 38°C heat was causing me to crave the mild breeze of air-conditioning.
Is Australian #graffiti really sinking this low? They don't even qualify for Panto anymore.. #SClub7
Back in #1992 I traveled across the #USA, visiting friends and generally living like a hippy on a train.. Whilst...
Tonight, the Charles Hotel shall be home to comedy, Jokes will be merrily told and Perth will chuckle at the word bum..
I'm gigging tonight at The National Hotel, #Freemantle; There's me, some comedians, beer and free sex.. Note: Free Sex is not guaranteed
At an open mic in Perth, 15 comedians and I don't know anybody, it's 2001 all over again.. Mind you, back then I had a job..
Off to Perth for a week of comedy gigs, lots of silliness will ensue.. Starting with me making my first airport journey as a car driver..
Remastered #MichaelJackson & #freddiemercury duet is days from being released, yet I seem to be the only person excited, that cant be right?
As #Sunday goes, cold with a touch of drizzle, overcast & not much to do.. If #TheWaltons were on TV, I'd be right back in the late 70's!
Yesterday 30ºC and Sunny as Cher's ex husband.. Today hail-storms and rain.. #Melbourne, tomorrow I'm expecting frogs to fall from the sky!
Thirsty, Fridge, Beerless, Shop Closed. #ScaryStoriesIn5Words
It's only taken 3 weeks, but Ive just discovered a baby seat is the perfect vessel for the transportation of takeaway Indian food. #macgyver
It's nearly November, the Sun has been scorching me at +30's today.. Life in #Melbourne is a little different to #Newcastle Upon Tyne..
Kids in scary costumes may look frightening. But when you've killed as many as I have, you realise they're no more dangerous than you or I.
Retweeted by Dan Willis
To fulfill my need for men in tight Lycra reading poems; I'll be performing at the Exford Hotel this eve, in CockBags Halloween Spectacular.
Micro sleeps, that's the way to handle #parenthood - I think I caught between 2 and 3 seconds here..
#WalkingDead S05E03 !SPOILERS! Now, how stupidly fan freaking tastic are the universes entwining themselves in at...
#singalong I was a PFC on a search patrol huntin' Charlie down It was in the jungle wars of '65 My weapon jammed...
Fair play to @jimmycarr.. Whilst other comedians are slaving away trying desperately to get attention, he cracks...
For the first time yesterday I was asked "Sandwich or Toast", I answered "Sandwich", this morning I regretted my actions. #Australian bakers
If you're described as "From celebrity #BigBrother", your celebrity has already ended. You'll realise this in about a year, Im just helping.
Now, after one entire week and one entire day of #Fatherhood, I've just got to ask- who's tiring who out????
Just watched Episode 2, Season 5 of #WalkingDead, this is the point of which I should slap a spoiler warning.....
Have just turned down a night on the beer with @BlokeFranklin I have officially changed; Does anyone have a spare bra I can borrow??? #ManUp
I'm currently the only man in Australia shopping for a heater.. That's babies for ya!
Last minute dot com, sorting out my NZ Comfest applications.. I've the excuse that I've just had a baby, but then I've also been watching TV
Yesterday my daughter was born, today the new series of #TheWalkingDead starts; Tomorrow I'm buying a lottery ticket- I'm on a roll!
All's great with Erin, she's got another few mins of post opp, then I'll give her phone back! She may even switch facebook back on!
And here's my first selfie with my daughter.. Next, nappies then it's all fun till the teenage years!!!
And after 20 tense mins, where I avoided temptation to look over the curtain.. We have our little lady- Dolly! Yay!!!
They dressed Erin as Santa & prepped up to do what pushing couldnt; And that's not making Monty Python tour Australia
Twists and turns of the day took a mental flip at 10pm, big baby + small Erin = Scrubs on!
I've decided against stealing the wife's dinner.. Chip shop or grey sludge, chip shop wins this time..
Relaxing into a night of waiting.. Who's that on the phone?? Only comedy super nurse Georgie Carroll!!!
5cm dilated, that's 50% done; In total that's the time it takes to fly #Newcastle to #Melbourne- Coincidence???
Before, during and after.. The wonders of modern technology; as soon as the nurse leaves I'm having a pop!
7 & a half hours so far- that's a full working day- No tea breaks either, I even stole her lunch! Erin's a true workaholic!
Father to be's bonus; (wife + contractions = no appetite) = free lunch for me :-)
Now in the waiting game- playing words-w-friends via IPhones, the trouble we could save with a scrabble board, now that'd be true old school
Waters broken, heart rate monitors on, drips inserted, time to get back on the phone.. #exciting
The waters broken face we've been waiting for.. Wasn't expecting that much of a grin till we got the gas rolling :-)
Always time for a luxury hospital breakfast before laying back and getting the push on! #exciting
Wife attached to ECG, it would appear that Baby Willis is a snooze inside the belly, doesn't she realise she's got an appointment? #exciting
Arrived at hospital 7.10am, induction cycle begins soon, I've passed test No1- found my wife in maternity ward #exciting
I admire #Google for hiring a camel & everything, but mapping a desert?? They change every hour, it'll be like painting the Forth bridge..
Just made my 1st solo drive to #Bunnings, I returned home to find the #Aussie government have upgraded me from "Sook" to "Semi-Bruce"..
Blood Moon Eclipse in Melbourne tonight, I've ordered Pizza, got wine in the fridge; Potential perfect timing for my wife's waters to break!
Right, the parties over, I now own a car and at some point in about 72 hours I shall become a father.. After...
Last #MelbourneFringe show tonight at 6.15pm, at the Court House Pub! Come down & survive the #Zombie apocalypse! Also beer is available :-)