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Dan Willis

I'm in Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast, anyone fancy a pint?
Off to Brisbane tomorrow; thus it's time to give the dog a massive walk. She's getting dogsat by her Grandad, he walks for no man..
I'm in #Perth, #NUFC kick off at 7pm tonight (Perth time). It's the #championship decider & absolutely no Channel is televising it! #sulk
Great fun with my fellow geeks @ComedyFestPerth last night, only one more Computer Comedy show to go- tonight 8.30pm perthcomedyfestival.com/single-event?s…
I don't know if I've just bought a deodorant, or a lifestyle.. either way, $2.90 is a bargain, and my armpits now have a VIP area! #playboy
#Perth you are sunny & warm, I'm taking notes at the minute, which I'm then going to take East & lecture #Melbourne on #Australian weather!
Tonight's my first show at Perth Comedy Festival, things certainly aren't as hectic as Fringe.. not sure if that's a good or bad thing..
I'm in Perth twiddling my thumbs, anyone around? Pretty much everything I had planned today has fallen thru!
My Brother-In-Law @JackCouvela was a #JudgeDredd artist back in the day. Thus Birthday cards from him & @JadeHull are full of Thrillpower!
That feeling when you treat your Daughter to some #UggBoot slippers. Only to discover you've in fact treated your Dog to dinner at the Ritz.
Louis XIV, Bonaparte, The Kaiser and Hitler tried to unite Europe in opposition to Britain. All failed. Now we've brought it on ourselves
Retweeted by Dan Willis
#Championship is decided on Sunday, me in Perth, midday kickoff means a reasonable match time. @SkyFootball aren't showing #NUFC #ratscocks!
I'm at the Gym now, this tweet is the 3rd thing I've done to avoid starting to work out. The other two involve a small room with a chain.
I've been avoiding it for just over a week, since festival ended. Tomorrow, I start my detox and exercise regime. Tonight though- Pavlova!
I used to stress about life- I've just had a great night out with friends, tomorrow I wake up with amazing wife and daughter. Life is good.
It's frozen yoghurt time at Knox City @yogetit and that there be a two and a half year old with #brainfreeze
About to instigate an afore-agreed-upon contract with my Daughter- 1 more episode of #PawPatrol, then it's bedtime. I may need an attorney!
#Arkansas have executed 4 prisoners this week- The reason? Their lethal injection drugs are near their expiry dates. #dontlookinmyfridge
#Melbourne! I don't know if you've read the rules correctly.. #Australia = HOT !! I am absolutely freezing me nuts off here!!
I've just been sent VIP pre-order status for @RealAliceCooper The last live act I saw was @taylorswift13 - I love their algorithms!
Decent nights sleep, salad for lunch. Ahh, luxury- and if I do a solid 8hrs admin tonight, that's festival paperwork done till Edinburgh.
If I'd been just moments later I'd've missed Flash Gordon's Nemisis serving up his famous Panang Gai. Now that's Thai Ming!!!
.@danwillis007 has recruited a stellar line up of 2017 comics inc @CareyMarx Taut joke writing. Superb standup. DO NOT miss #BestOfBritish
Retweeted by Dan Willis
Actuaully went a bit wild and stayed up till 2am last night- The occasion? #NUFC being live on Aussie TV for once. Bloody Ipswich!
Easter Monday, of a huge #Micf weekend; I haven't been staying out late, I've not been partying. Yet still I'm knackered. Middle age rocks!
Angus Young is investing profits from @AC_DC into opening a greasy cafe on Everest. "It's a long way to the top if you want a bacon roll"!
It's just getting silly now, #MICF is a pleasure to behold. The Exford is rocking, and Im yet to break anything. Plan 1 and 2 going to plan!
Easter, with your Eggs, Bunnies & religious fun. Oh, & running 28 gigs in 4 days. I need the energy of a Bunny, but have the body of an Egg.
Tonight is the halfway point of my #micf2017 - 59 gigs done, 59 to go.. I'm feeling remarkably healthy, Easter weekend will sort that out!
Big up @theheraldsun for doing a round-up of #micf2017 and managing to completely ignore acts that aren't performing in town hall venues!
Melbourne is officially the most #TightArsed city in Australia- I've never seen a Tuesday so busy! #micf2017 #micf
I've decided to take the night off & treat my Family to our fave Indian Restaurant. Next Weekend will be way too Easter-riffic to pause!
After a record breaking Saturday at the Exford, we're now in a chilled out Sunday mood- #balloonatics #theashes #BestOfBritish all rocking
#Melbourne a winter is coming! I'm thinking @AmosGill22 is the most prepared.. Oh to look like John Snow as the clouds are sweeping in!
Planning a holiday this weekend with the family- Dog in kennels & booking a hotel for wife and daughter- Ive only 16 gigs to do, so rock on!
I started standup in 2001, figuring showbiz would be way more flash than my office job. 16yrs on, Im spending more time on admin than jokes!
Totally chilled out Sunday at #micf2017 good sized crowds, relaxed atmosphere and great shows. Now for #supernatural S12E16 then bed. ZZZ
The sober week begins. Every Festival I do, for livers sake & now I'm 44, for energy's sake, I spend one week beer free. I'm already bored!
It's Saturday night, and for the first time at #Micf- both early and late shows of Best Of British are completely sold out, presales rule!
#micf2017 is rolling now; sellout shows last night & more of the same tonight. And by tonight I mean from 330pm onwards. No sleep till June!
#FIFA are now guaranteeing at least 1 #WorldCup qualifier from Oceania, My money's on the #MarshallIslands for #Russia2018
Day 1 of #MICF off to a ripper.. Am expecting @kaihumphries to be slightly worse for wear today. @Daniel_Sloss had him on a red wine drip.
The very first #Comedy show of #MelbourneComedyFestival is now under way- The Early Show at the Exford Hotel. #micf2017 ball is rollin #micf
After a week where I only did 5 gigs, Melbourne Comedy Festival starts today, so I'm back to 3 a night. #MICF you have my soul for a month.
I'm going to walk the dog, I said the "W" word about 40mins ago & people keep mailing me.. She's going nuts.. So stop mailing! I'm gone!!!
Plenty of rain and sunshine here in #Melbourne today.. Comedy festival starts in 2 days.. Then I'll probably not even notice the weather.
It's #MothersDay right now in the UK! If you're on the other side of the world, like me. Right now is a pretty good time to call your Mum!
Do kids still sing "Johnny had a pigeon"?? I'm bored, sitting on a tram, wondering if anyone else knows the words.
I get sexually aroused when my garden hose loops back on itself, goes flat & the water stops. I know what you're thinking.. Kinky!
I've begun my week off with a sleep-in till 8am. Tonight, MCing @TheComicsLounge oh yeah, I'm working my week off. :-)
 
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