Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Want your own social home page like this one? Click here.
 
daniel tosh
comedian comedy 9,346,915 followers
don't retweet or favorite this tweet if you loved tonight's show. see you next week.
tonight’s warning will be read in arabic. notice that it takes twice as long, which might explain why they’re so hostile.
i think it’s only fair that episcopalians should get to control the social media. new #tosh in 33 min. #happypassover
guys, this is no way to treat a silver status preferred member! RT @USAirways: @danieltosh Last one, we promise. ;) pic.twitter.com/cBSdmx8QIn
whoever’s in charge over there should be fired. RT @USAirways: @danieltosh We want to smell your finger. #tosh pic.twitter.com/9kjviHB1oc
ha! RT @USAirways: @danieltosh Hope you make it home to live tweet tonight’s new #tosh. Looks like a tough day. pic.twitter.com/SwShCOvPm0
only had the privilege of working with John Winkler for a short while. we extend our heartfelt sympathy to his family and friends.
#tbt not much has changed, one is still short and the other still has no Oscar award.
goodnight asswholes! #asswhole
where is portugal anyway? is it in spain? is it near mexico? no one knows. #tosh now!
now that baseball has officially started, only six more months until baseball actually gets started. new #tosh in 26 min!
all unwatched portions of tonight's new #tosh will be fed to the homeless. 27 min!
just ate mexican so i might not make it the whole episode tonight. new #tosh in 28 min!
mcdonalds could not pay me enough to attend coachella. see you 29 min #tosh
it was your graceful foxtrot that gave us the strength to keep on living @DrewFromTV (winky face)
if you’re like me and only watch one tosh.0 a year, tonight is it. meet dan songer. j.mp/1mWlcDW enjoy going down this rabbit hole
i have decided to parlay my perfect bracket with the goonies sequel winning best picture. #zillionaire
can't we just pay the chinese an extra nickel or something to write "made in the usa" on everything?!
good night and i'll send you all publishing royalties if you contributed to #thebaldingpelican
swedish fish. swedish meatballs. swedish massage. swedish house mafia. swedish episode. let's go.
if tonight’s new #tosh blows, know that you’re all personally responsible. #twittenby returns in 30 min. #baldingpelican
yeah, yeah, i'm lickin' your balls, best balls i ever had. uh-huh, you've got king-kong balls. your balls are so large, just big balls.
my 3 favorite cereals: puffins original, cinnamon life, and shredded wheat (the big single one). one of these is an april fools joke!
Jkffgjkobbb. Gjbcefbbkbbhccfg ggggggggghhhghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
she will be live tweeting her belly rub for the next 10 minutes. pic.twitter.com/koEWVRd2Qj