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daniel tosh
it was a would you rather! you can't choose not to read and put skittles up your butt. see you next week.
let the constructive criticism begin
a reminder that my new tv show is on in 28 minutes. please watch and tell me what you think. i look forward to your comments. #dicktuesday
So ive been made aware of a pretty interesting educational project going on right now that started down in south Florida (the best place on earth) called #FlyingClassroom if anyone is interested in our youths future and our own PLANET you should go check out their website and
watch tonight’s new #tosh to be eligible to be in a raffle for a chance to enter a lottery where the winner will be put into a sweepstakes.
the redskins should only have to change their name when johnny depp apologizes for playing tonto.
bill belichick and tom brady should go back to cheating.
i’m excited to see tom brady leave the league the same way he came in - on the bench. #garoppolo
okay, throw caution to the wind and get to twisting! send me your own #officetornado videos and i’ll put ‘em on next week’s show.
the results are in and this one was split right down the middle. fruitbootin’ for life. right, man?
tonight all harassing tweets directed toward me will be reported to the proper authorities, you dipshits.
#tosh in 30 minutes. that's enough time to make a taco, eat the taco, do the dishes, poop the taco, and then sit down in front of the tv.
it finally happened. castro is the first victim of the leaked celebrity dog nudes. #yappening #butthole
rt if you want to get stinky #tosh
100% chose the easy way out, dead in 5 years. quitters.
thanks for watching everyone. please watch brickleberry for the next 15 seasons so i can continue to live the life i am accustomed to.
tonight i will only be answering extremely personal questions. #tosh starts now.
the first 10 seconds and the last 10 seconds of the show are pretty rough tonight, but the middle is the sweet spot. 27 min til new #tosh
just left a $100 bill in the take a penny/leave a penny tray at a motherfuckin' gas station even though the service was subpar.
let’s not forget that most athletes (most, not all) are really fucking dumb. #dumbathletes
after reading AP’s texts to his baby mamas defending his “discipline,” the one thing i know is he didn’t write a word of his apology.
if you want to give me one of your kids, adrian, i will happily raise him. great genes, you’re just a shitty role model.
i’m officially declining the offer to become the oldest cast member of snl so i can focus on comedy. new #tosh & new #brickleberry tonight!!
hey adrian peterson, remember when you were only 9 yards shy of the single season rushing record? that was god who tackled you.
roger goodell doesn’t care about black women.
do you know how much healthier PED’s are for you than chewing tobacco? baseball is stupid.
the cousin fuckers have it, but i think that's only because the south is on the east coast and gets to weigh in early.
let's get this fufu lame shit started. swag, bitch. #gratata
15 min out warning. tonight's show is pumpkin spice flavored fyi.
fellas, thanks for all the sexy selfies! look for yours tonight in the return of “bros pose like hoes photos” #gratata
“put the mac to yo head then you goooooone.” -bryan silva, from tonight’s fresh ep. #gratata
“i run the fuckin’ internet.” -bryan silva, from tonight’s swag sode. #gratata
santa’s not real and your heroes are shitheads. RT this if any children follow you.
men only! for next week’s ep, leak me sexy pics of yourself that you want ONLY ME and my audience to see. here’s mine
thanks for watching. the results are in - 88% of you weirdos on the east coast would rather sleep with 2 dead cats.
it’s time, mom!!! daniel’s on!
sit in front of your tv. in 29 mins i would like you to turn it on #tosh
out of respect, please don't watch tonight's leaked #tosh. i was underage when it was recorded.
if you're wearing white today i hope you burn in hell.
if you love football and you love women, tonight’s episode is right up your alley. if i do say so myself, if i do say so myself.
congrats fellas, we made it! no more faking interest in endless conversations, no more dumb weekend plans. football is back!
charity show in flagstaff, new show in hawaii, reno, and tahoe. all on sale today with password “tosh”
we have enough to project the results. only 91% of you would choose to make your mom quiver with delight. #wouldyourather
good night. be sure to tweet me your answers. #wouldyourather
special thanks to @baracksdubs for getting president barack obama to record our warning this season. let the tweeting commence!
i hope tonight’s web redemption will answer all the questions you had about this “wholesome” family. see you in 30!
sick of watching ice bucket challenge videos? a new season of #tosh starts in one hour.