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daniel tosh
try to scare me with a tweet by any means necessary. winners will be on the halloween sode next week!! #boo
congrats dummies. you made #beefbaby number 1. we changed the world.
let’s get this #beefbaby started #beefbaby - tweet at me using #beefbaby hashtag beef baby. #tosh #onemorebeefbaby #whatthehellbeefbaby
well i guess i can take michael sam off my fantasy practice football team and put him on my fantasy fantasy team. ;) c u in 31! #tosh
just found out my small dancing scene was cut from #magicmikexxl - my wife (who is a ballerina) is going to be crushed.
royals fans, you guys can make it to the world series any year but my show might only be on for 3-5 more seasons tops. #tosh
guys i’m renting a bus!! any “out-of-towners” want to go with me to chico for halloween?
some of your all time faves will be making a rare return to #tosh tonight! hints: hide yo kids, X12, and the guy we pepper sprayed… and ???
thanks for watching. for me personally, it's gangbang all the way.
best #tosh ever starts now!
do you hate or love bama football? that sexy SOB lane kiffin makes a rare appearance on tonight’s new #tosh!!!!!
i'll be tweeting from the toilet or the grave in 26 minutes. new #tosh
this is what i had for dinner: creamed corn, fried chicken, quinoa, baked beans, mac n cheese, biscuit, brussels sprouts (1 of 2)
sweet potato casserole, mashed cauliflower, caprese salad, nutella cookies, banana pudding, potato salad, lemonade (2 of 2) #potluckdiarrhea
go ahead and follow this redneck rabbit hole before tonight’s web redemption.
fyi, last week’s family friendly episode was our highest rated of the season. who gives a shit? tonight is for you deviants, my real family!
thanks to the hackers, paparazzi are now irrelevant. seeing stars buy a cup of coffee isn’t as exciting as seeing their butthole.
west coast #familyfriendlytosh starts now! i'm going back to bed now. tell me how much you love or dislike me tomorrow.
until they turn black and blue.
#familyfriendlytosh was fun. back to the old me next week. sleep tight. don't let the bed bugs bite. if they do beat them with a shoe.
RT "@cameron_lucero i've been tweeting @danieltosh for 2 years now and haven't gotten one response" #familyfriendlytosh was it worth it?
RT "@gr33kw0man I love a good Benjamin Button joke @danieltosh #familyfriendlytosh" they never get old. like benjamin button.
RT "@AdamRJensen You definitely invited to my next sleep over!" #familyfriendlytosh okay, but i'm all time top bunk
RT "@jsani have you seen Frozen?" #familyfriendlytosh why? do you want to build a snowman?
RT "@2real_AP Where do sick boats go?? To the dock Lmfaooooooo you're a genius bro" #familyfriendlytosh you might want to thank laffy taffy
RT "@dedsajavon I wish I was funny/stupid enough for @danieltosh to tweet me" #familyfriendlytosh ha ha ha! just stupid enough.
RT "@_DerekWhite The audience isn't laughing at the funny parts!" #familyfriendlytosh they are children. they just like me to scream!
RT "@JustonianD is the only appropriate way to view #familyfriendlytosh on the floor crisscross applesauce?" if you don't have a racecar bed
RT "@GunnerBurkhardt why did you make fun of my name. That hurts" #familyfriendlytosh just teasing you, gunner
RT "@vavravoom you're honestly not even funny." #familyfriendlytosh i'm glad you took time out of your day to share that with me.
RT "@alexhunt67 @danieltosh you would be a great elementary school teacher, Mr. Tosh." #familyfriendlytosh i like making money too much
RT "@skellingtun I was guna go lift but i guess il sit down for this #familyfriendlytosh instead." your muscles need the time to recover
RT "@saint_nik56 the children laugh track is a little off-putting" #familyfriendlytosh a room of 5-16 year olds sitting right in front of me
RT "@RobertPhillippe @danieltosh Do you have any kids" no. but i would have made an excellent father if i wasn't so ambitious.
RT "@somekidjake am i allowed to drink during this episode or is that frowned upon" #familyfriendlytosh like hot chocolate? drink up!
RT "@TheRealRyanKent should I study or watch the show?" #familyfriendlytosh study, dvr the show and watch it after you ace your test.
enjoy, children of the world. #familyfriendlytosh starts now.
RT "@WestNile757 Do I have time to make a grilled cheese @danieltosh #familyfriendlytosh" you have time to make an ungrilled cheese.
RT "@jacksonjones28 can you promise that the family friendly episode will still be funny?" #familyfriendlytosh no. but i will pinky swear.
RT "@1967300 who we kidding? SOA is on" #familyfriendlytosh i hear they are also doing a family friendly episode.
RT "@RaySquared_ what's the guarantee tonight's episode is safe for the little ears?" #familyfriendlytosh check your guide, it's rated G.
RT"@chuylennon I wont let my kids go to sleep. I'm forcing them to see #familyfriendlytosh. Better be worth it!" we'll take naps tomorrow
RT "@AdamSmith012 can I skip my homework to watch your show?" #familyfriendlytosh you can take a break from homework and finish it after.
RT "@Karehunny but it's a school night. Should I really let the kids stay up?" if they promise to go right to bed afterwards.
RT "@BobbyDare have you ever gotten into a fist fight?" #familyfriendlytosh in 6th grade tj bullied me, one day we fought. told it was a tie
RT "@bigdaddymuncy what do I need to wear for tonight's episode?" #familyfriendlytosh footie pajamas
RT "@jdamon4 my little sister is excited for the first Tosh she can watch" #familyfriendlytosh i am excited to entertain your little sis.
RT "@Alan_not_Allen i cleaned my plate and washed behind both of my ears!" #familyfriendlytosh but did you floss?
RT"@tthomaswhite Will this episode of tosh tonight affect any of my morals, like it usually does?" #familyfriendlytosh yes it will heal you!