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daniel tosh
100% chose the easy way out, dead in 5 years. quitters.
thanks for watching everyone. please watch brickleberry for the next 15 seasons so i can continue to live the life i am accustomed to.
tonight i will only be answering extremely personal questions. #tosh starts now.
the first 10 seconds and the last 10 seconds of the show are pretty rough tonight, but the middle is the sweet spot. 27 min til new #tosh
just left a $100 bill in the take a penny/leave a penny tray at a motherfuckin' gas station even though the service was subpar.
let’s not forget that most athletes (most, not all) are really fucking dumb. #dumbathletes
after reading AP’s texts to his baby mamas defending his “discipline,” the one thing i know is he didn’t write a word of his apology.
if you want to give me one of your kids, adrian, i will happily raise him. great genes, you’re just a shitty role model.
i’m officially declining the offer to become the oldest cast member of snl so i can focus on comedy. new #tosh & new #brickleberry tonight!!
hey adrian peterson, remember when you were only 9 yards shy of the single season rushing record? that was god who tackled you.
roger goodell doesn’t care about black women.
do you know how much healthier PED’s are for you than chewing tobacco? baseball is stupid.
the cousin fuckers have it, but i think that's only because the south is on the east coast and gets to weigh in early.
let's get this fufu lame shit started. swag, bitch. #gratata
15 min out warning. tonight's show is pumpkin spice flavored fyi.
fellas, thanks for all the sexy selfies! look for yours tonight in the return of “bros pose like hoes photos” #gratata
“put the mac to yo head then you goooooone.” -bryan silva, from tonight’s fresh ep. #gratata
“i run the fuckin’ internet.” -bryan silva, from tonight’s swag sode. #gratata
santa’s not real and your heroes are shitheads. RT this if any children follow you.
men only! for next week’s ep, leak me sexy pics of yourself that you want ONLY ME and my audience to see. here’s mine pic.twitter.com/PEQ7K6k2Vt
thanks for watching. the results are in - 88% of you weirdos on the east coast would rather sleep with 2 dead cats.
it’s time, mom!!! daniel’s on!
sit in front of your tv. in 29 mins i would like you to turn it on #tosh
out of respect, please don't watch tonight's leaked #tosh. i was underage when it was recorded.
if you're wearing white today i hope you burn in hell.
if you love football and you love women, tonight’s episode is right up your alley. if i do say so myself, if i do say so myself.
congrats fellas, we made it! no more faking interest in endless conversations, no more dumb weekend plans. football is back!
charity show in flagstaff, new show in hawaii, reno, and tahoe. all on sale today with password “tosh” bit.ly/1pyWkmQ
we have enough to project the results. only 91% of you would choose to make your mom quiver with delight. #wouldyourather
good night. be sure to tweet me your answers. #wouldyourather
special thanks to @baracksdubs for getting president barack obama to record our warning this season. let the tweeting commence!
i hope tonight’s web redemption will answer all the questions you had about this “wholesome” family. bit.ly/1j4jvAG see you in 30!
sick of watching ice bucket challenge videos? a new season of #tosh starts in one hour.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ R _ _ is the new wardrobe starting tonight! #tosh
hang in there, gays. only one more generation has to die before no one gives a shit. minorities, you’re going to have to wait a bit longer.
usc football player injured rescuing manti teo’s girlfriend from drowning...more to come.
couldn’t be more pumped about making a brief cameo on the season premiere of #tosh!! see you in 6 hours!
wow, just found out tosh.0 won the emmy for “funniest comedy show that people actually watch.” #blessed #sofuckingblessed #tosh
i would be interested in trying to make love to nicki minaj.
thank you to the trillions of people that kept #bringbacktosh trending for the last 9 weeks. it worked! all new sodes start next tuesday.
Katt Williams Day! HBO.
if you love stand up comedy but don't want to watch me, go see my buddy @NickSwardson on his new tour. bit.ly/1rlmfjx
sorry to hear about your suspension, @LeBatardShow. DM me your salary and i will happily cover your lost wages. #comicsans
congrats to andrew wiggins on winning the real lottery... not having to live in cleveland.
took my first pilates class!! not as hard as you girls say, but then again is anything? HA! #pregnancyiseasytoo
If you wanna look like a loser wear that bathing suit if you wanna look like a GOD wear @stringfling if you don't.... FUCK YOU
i blame chalmers!!!!!!!!!
#BETAwards got the king of comedy @chrisrock to host, and i couldn't be happier! black people, may i please watch your channel tonight?