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daniel tosh
congrats fellas, we made it! no more faking interest in endless conversations, no more dumb weekend plans. football is back!
charity show in flagstaff, new show in hawaii, reno, and tahoe. all on sale today with password “tosh” bit.ly/1pyWkmQ
we have enough to project the results. only 91% of you would choose to make your mom quiver with delight. #wouldyourather
good night. be sure to tweet me your answers. #wouldyourather
special thanks to @baracksdubs for getting president barack obama to record our warning this season. let the tweeting commence!
i hope tonight’s web redemption will answer all the questions you had about this “wholesome” family. bit.ly/1j4jvAG see you in 30!
sick of watching ice bucket challenge videos? a new season of #tosh starts in one hour.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ R _ _ is the new wardrobe starting tonight! #tosh
hang in there, gays. only one more generation has to die before no one gives a shit. minorities, you’re going to have to wait a bit longer.
usc football player injured rescuing manti teo’s girlfriend from drowning...more to come.
couldn’t be more pumped about making a brief cameo on the season premiere of #tosh!! see you in 6 hours!
wow, just found out tosh.0 won the emmy for “funniest comedy show that people actually watch.” #blessed #sofuckingblessed #tosh
i would be interested in trying to make love to nicki minaj.
thank you to the trillions of people that kept #bringbacktosh trending for the last 9 weeks. it worked! all new sodes start next tuesday.
Katt Williams Day! HBO.
if you love stand up comedy but don't want to watch me, go see my buddy @NickSwardson on his new tour. bit.ly/1rlmfjx
sorry to hear about your suspension, @LeBatardShow. DM me your salary and i will happily cover your lost wages. #comicsans
congrats to andrew wiggins on winning the real lottery... not having to live in cleveland.
took my first pilates class!! not as hard as you girls say, but then again is anything? HA! #pregnancyiseasytoo
If you wanna look like a loser wear that bathing suit if you wanna look like a GOD wear @stringfling if you don't.... FUCK YOU
i blame chalmers!!!!!!!!!
#BETAwards got the king of comedy @chrisrock to host, and i couldn't be happier! black people, may i please watch your channel tonight?
congrats to apple on finding a way to call women fat without all those (chicken) fat bloggers losing their minds.
turns out the brit who coached my under 13 soccer team didn't believe in my comedic potential. #toshhistory pic.twitter.com/l1NQTxeEYI
hopefully the usa does better in soccer than they did in basketball tonight.
.@carlyhallam is john cusack in there?
please NO ONE give any money to @ToddGlass. take it from someone who has sooo much money, todd, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Comedian @ToddGlass hits the streets w/ some historical facts to see if things were really better back in the day: ow.ly/3ljMXz
Retweeted by daniel tosh
john legend wrote the romantic song 'all of me' for his love. i just wrote a new joke for mine, 'WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE TOUCHING ME?!'
durant is tired of finishing 2nd. congrats, you finished tied for 3rd. #babysteps
THE miami heat vs. the all world ymca team, part 2. proving again the nba is not fixed.
don't get too down, pacers fans. you still have game 7 on your home court!!!!
lock up the miami hookers!!! countdown to stephenson arrest. 3 2 1...
i love you all. do not come looking for me.
who wants to be part of my framily? etslay eettway innay evensay inutesmay #oshtay
watch the midseason finale of #tosh tonight and get a much needed 30 minute break from hollywood’s liberal agenda.
spoiler alert: the #seasonofbrad finale is tonight! mwahahahaha! #tosh pic.twitter.com/u5fy94WRU4
phew! got back from kim & kanye’s wedding just in time for tonight’s #tosh finale. #sobeautiful #blessed
only 1 more episode left in the season of brad! if you didn’t get enough of tonight’s viewer video, here: j.mp/dyehair
speaking of latin, if the pope ever gets around to selling his place, does he count that entire city in the square footage? let’s tweet.
i feel fine but i’m gonna go ahead and use my dying wish anyway. everyone please watch my show in 27 minutes. new #tosh
big news!!! @danieltosh will be on the next 2 episodes of tosh.0. see you tonight.
the best louies in comedy list is out. congrats to: louie anderson, louis ck, julia louis-dreyfus, crab louie, east st. louis, louis vuitton
i spent the entire weekend with the legendary @domirrera pondering the magnificence of @AndyKindler. pic.twitter.com/SPA1GFfAx4
before you go second guessing jason kidd's strategy to lose regular season games so they could face miami, remember he was probably drunk.
mahalo for your patience, hawaii. i will be there soon. tickets on sale today! bit.ly/HiY79F
i need you to send in some advice to those who are graduating and entering the real world. your #twisdom will be on next week’s tosh.
in kd's famous mvp acceptance speech he forgot to thank the refs that keep making sure he doesn't get knocked out of the playoffs.
my apologies to matthew mcconaughey, i truly wanted to give you my car. see you next week.