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Dane Cook
comedian comedy live music 3,036,513 followers
#NSFW #Troublemaker #Showtime #Oct17th #MyNewSpecial #ComedyEvent #SpreadTheWord
If you wear a vest you clearly want to be saved.
Hollywood. Where everywhere you turn there's glamour!
My hugs feel like you just got fucked well.
#tbt with Jessica Alba when penguin suits were all the rage.
Never be afraid to speak your incompetence.
Marketing plan for my comedy event #Troublemaker is huge. Wait until you see this show. #Oct17 #Showtime
I love you but I still wanna see other social networking sites.
Some people are so insensitive. These are the people that are the most fun on game night at my house.
Hollywood is such a small community. Every girl in town got their period today.
I just bought a water vapor satellite with my rainy day money.
My favorite DM exchange of the week comes from Courtney Love. #BreakinItDown
I always cry seeing that commercial where the dad leaves his family while mom and kids watch in horror. Wait.. I'm watching home movies.
ICYMI: @DaneCook's 1st @BeaconTheatre show sold out so we added another! Pre-sale code "SUFI" to get them today only!
Retweeted by Dane Cook
When the voices in your head go to sleep but you're still up that's a bummer.
This is how I get out of bed everyday. #BopBozeDeBozeDeBopSeDeBop
When I'm in a pool I splash. If you don't like it don't fuckin' swim near me.
I believe in the power of closed.
When someone keeps their word it's like fucking bizarre.
Look at your #RecentlyUsed emoji. If most are crazy faces you're psycho. Food you're overweight. Gun, pill or poop you need therapy.
It's nice to be kinda appreciated sorta.