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Dane Cook
comedian comedy live music 3,026,895 followers
Performing tonight and doing what I do.
.@FloydMayweather I bet if you were drunk in the shower soaping up your feet I could sneak in and knock your ass out.
Fellow comedy hostage @TheJeffRichards has created music you must hear. I love it. So will you. Read this & get it:
.@thelaughfactory Dane Cook, Bob Saget and Bill Burr THIS THURS and don't forget Jerrod Carmichael added. Epic night.
Fuck the haters they just jealous I'ma true entertainer a lil overzealous Don't worry I ain't gonna falter You can't top me cuz I'ma halter
My flow is baked just like a potato My rhymes are mad as OJ was at Kato You can't stop me I'ma terminator Catch me now or miss me lataaaa
NAME CHANGE: Thank you @Snapchat for securing TheDaneCook on your platform. There you have it folks. TheDaneCook on Snapchat.
Everytime someone refers to me as an "artist." #MeLaughingInsde
You can do anything you want in life. Well, you can do a bunch of things. Probably limited to several. Maybe a few or one thing sorta.
If you're not a lawyer but finish making a point by saying, "case closed" I hope you end up falsely accused of high treason.
I just realized how much I care when someone unfollows me and how hurtful it is when I do it to others. God damn it this life hurts.
The show Botched on @eonline has to be one of the greatest worst things ever.
Being a single mom is not as difficult as being a single person in Los Angeles.
I am the gold standard of safety.
Had to lay down. I'm not just feeling so unprecedented.