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Dane Cook
comedian comedy live music 3,034,070 followers
Don't let anyone take away your sparkle.
Don Pardo, announcer for SNL, has died at 96. I want to tell a brief story about this man. I always wanted to host SNL and it was a lifelong mission. When I got it and got to NYC I had 1 must. Get a photo with the great Don Pardo. His voice set the tone of the show and hearing him usher in each host
Hey, if you have Sundance, do me a favor and turn on @ApprovalMatrix right now. Me, @JasonBiggs, @chrisrock, etc. It’s good.
Retweeted by Dane Cook
Steve Ballmer's induction as @LAClippers new owner sounded like he should be "LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!"
I've gotten over 20 #ALSBucketChallenge requests. Amazing seeing this after my ALS charity event last month! My ALSBC's coming. Oh It is.
.@eonline said: "@DaneCook #EXCLUSIVEMinusTheBaleFamily is such a mouthful though.” - Or how about #BabyBalesOutOfWife
.@VH1 said: " Nick Cannon + Mariah Carey have reportedly split." - Hey 1. Not to nickel / dime here but I called this April 30th, 2008.
.@eonline: "#EXCLUSIVE: Christian Bale and his wife Sibi have Baby #2!" - E! Is it "exclusive" if Bale his wife & Baby #1 already knew this?
.@vulture: "Fox has killed Tina Fey's pilot:” - Killed? Vulture it's a cancelled tv show not a 3rd world dictator.
TV news reporting is so much like entertainment news now that when they do an actual entertainment segment it's like an Oliver Stone film.
I think you have bigger issues to deal w/ today. "Court Certifies Labor Lawsuits Against 36 @Applebees Restaurants."
New neighbors moving in. This should be interesting.
You have the right to remain vigilant.
I think this week is going to be filled with unbridled rage.
Remember personal beliefs?
My ex was a real estate agent. She said she needed spacious.
I've been famous for so long I've forgotten how nice it feels to be vouched for.
Tonight's show at the @LaughFactoryHw was stellar. @JeremyHotz, @AlonzoBodden (not pictured) @JuddApatow and I w/ LF owner Jamie "Buddy" Masada.
When a guy smiles that means we want sex.
I'm an alpha feminist.
I'm an unregistered nurse.