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Let me know that u like dating assholes so I can pretend to be one before I waste my time being nice to u
u ever put so much effort into getting someone to like u that u just wish somehow they knew what u was doing jus to get their attention
Tits over ass tbh, when I hug my girl I dont want it to feel like Im hugging one of my basketball teammates like we jus won the championship
I rather date a girl with "thunder" thighs than date a girl with toothpick ass legs that make her look like Mike Wazowski in leggings
Y'all overrate booty so much, bitches with faces like they been walloped with a frying pan thinking they Beyoncé now
If you a female and u fucked over 20 dudes just give up on being wifey material, you porn star material now
A wise man with HIV once told me that sleeping with a lot of girls don't make u more of a man, it just make u more likely to get an STD
God why you gotta take someone like Robin Williams away, couldn't you take someone like Josie Cunningham
Be a man and ask a girl out to her face, she can't screenshot you and you can always deny it if she ever start talkin shit
God please let this girl like me I'll delete all the porn on my laptop and sing the loudest in church every Sunday if she does
U ever text somebody something risky and leave ya phone on the bed and watch it from a distance? Getting ready to pounce when it light up
Hoes will call u cringy for giving ya girlfriend flowers but at least I didn't get given a baby I didn't want
U get feelings for someone u start doing the most retarded shit u can't even explain around them
why would I want my girlfriend to pierce her nipples if I wanted to lick battery tops I'd go to Morrisons and buy some
Dont let anyone tell u doing nice shit for the person u like is lame, they're usually single, irrelevant and jealous of what u got
Don't treat ya girl like shit and then get mad when another dude compliment her, he's just reminding u of what ur sposed to be doing
A female telling me that a lot of men chase after her is like a dude telling me he's good at wii tennis, that's cool but I don't give a shit
U know the trust in ya relationship is for real when u let ya girl see ur dick soft and leave ya phone charging on her side of the bed
When a girl tell me something is "Peng" I already know she still uses BBM, wears Air max and probably got an STD
the year is almost over and what u done with ur life besides get drunk every friday and chase someone who don't care about u
Girls who are flatchested always be hating on girls who actually got boobs like "but she has no ass" ok no need to be jealous little boy
@KidDooley What is this, you're off the radar and then you come out with like 7 golden tweets in 20 minutes... Do you save it up?!
Retweeted by Tomoki
Buff is such a stupid compliment, u tell me your girl is "buff" I'm gonna assume she take steroids and sound like Lloyd banks
When a girl tell me something is "Peng" I know she had Chlymadia at least once
If u get ran over by a Prius u a bitch
Retweeted by Tomoki
Omg @KidDooley is definitely my favourite account on twitter😂
Retweeted by Tomoki
Why cant dudes jus say a girl is pretty or attractive? Y'all calling girls "buff" just make me think u describing Arnold Schwarzenegger
Why do females with pimples insist on covering they face with foundation.. It make ur spots look like u got Rice Krispies glued to ya face
the messed up thing about loyalty is everybody got they own definition of it
There's this beautiful girl working at Morrisons man, I bought about £20 worth of peanut butter, I don't even like peanut butter
@KidDooley is my fave account on twitter ahahha
Retweeted by Tomoki
If u tell a girl "I love u" and she reply with "really?" u gotta just delete all your social networks and start a new life in Pakistan
Females ignore the men they like and play hard to get but will talk happily talk to a dude she friendzoned, then wonder why she single
@KidDooley too damn funny!! Needed some good laughs!
Retweeted by Tomoki
Summer is over and "hey stranger" season is coming up
If I lick out ya vagina it's cuz I love u, especially since some vaginas look like the mouths of those dudes from alien vs predator
U know u falling in love when u stalk their page and read their tweets like the daily newspaper every morning
Do u ever stalk ya ex's page and everything u see them doing just pisses u off and then u wonder why u were on their page in the 1st place
waking up to find @KidDooley followed me has decreased my hangover by about 10000% lol #fangirl 😍
Retweeted by Tomoki
Only time I missed my ex was when I saw her crossing the street with her "new" boyfriend and I tried to run her over in my Honda Civic
Have u ever had a female come up to u and show u a old picture like "look how ugly I used to be" and u just so confused cuz she still is
Girls that wear crocs will never cheat, lie or steal from you
If u ignore me it aint gon make me want u more, I'll just end up giving my attention to someone who deserves it since u wanna be childish
when a female is done with u, she done with u forever, u could be dying in the street she jus walk past like "u already dead to me"
u know ur girl is faithful when she tells u she's going out with her girls but she wearing crocs
@KidDooley your just too much! keep retweeting away every time i can relate! 🙌
Retweeted by Tomoki
When ya girl randomly tweet "wow" its not cuz she impressed, it's cuz she caught u doing something u weren't sposed to and now u gon suffer