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Conan O'Brien
Whole Foods has started selling rabbit meat? That’s great, I was looking for a place to buy way-too-expensive rabbit meat.
Tonight on #CONAN it's an hour of our most unprofessional and embarrassing rehearsal moments. If you like human error, this show's for you!
No one will see "The Expendables III" for me.
I think the ice bucket challenge caused some permanent shrinkage.
When I retire I’m going to pursue my first passion: inventing pancakes that can be sold by the loaf.
“Am I Groot?” (Groot having an identity crisis)
When does the Red Sox’s season start?
Have you seen those baby panda triplets? Two of them are really cute!
I've accepted the #ALSIceBucketChallenge. Haven't checked the internet, but I think I'm the first celebrity. bit.ly/1uVfAes
I can’t believe some jerk already has the license plate I requested: MSCORSESE
Today I looked at some great times I had with Robin over the years. God bless him, he still really makes me laugh. bit.ly/1sTGpjP
Absolutely stunned to hear the news about Robin Williams. It's unimaginable to me that we've lost such a genuinely funny and sweet man.
Still no listeners for my new podcast about all my favorite podcasts.
I named my dog “Spot.” It doesn’t sound hip but it’s short for “Spotify.”
Today, a historian told me the real Sam Adams never actually brewed a Blueberry Oatmeal Summer Stout.
If you’re wondering what I was like in college, one time I had a pregnancy scare with my pillow.
60% of Americans say they believe the nation is in a state of decline. The other 40% didn’t know what “decline” meant.
To anyone in that Russian crime ring that stole all those passwords: can you help me get into my Pinterest account?
.@AndyRichter & I teamed up with a talking toilet for some water-saving tips from @NRDCWater & @NRDC: bit.ly/1ukuSt4 #TeamCocoH20
I don’t think it helps that Sudafed has started putting “Our Favorite Meth Recipe” on the back of the box.
The full @OITNB cast is on #CONAN tonight on TBS. Coincidentally, “Orange is the New Black” is the same pick-up line I used in college.
Look out, Brits! #CONAN will appear in the UK on @truTVUK. Consider this revenge for dumping @SimonCowell on us. #truTVIsComing
You've done the hard part: deciding which of the thousands of #Sharktopus viewing parties to go to. Now, watch in awe tonight on Syfy at 9.
I believe it was the great Russian filmmaker Eisenstein who said, “Shit, it’s cold here.”
Google has a new plan to eliminate porn-links from non-porn-Internet searches. Good news for all 4 of you.