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I get protocol. But holy fucking shit if I don't want 30 minutes for some late, connecting POS every fucking flight
Been staring at my plane from the gate for 35 minutes since they can't open the door and all. Fuck you.
Level 10 meltdown happening at the airport come with your video cameras because Chrissy is about to get arrested
3x a week I pray to baby Jesus my flight is cancelled. Only now when I am going for pleasure times...sigh. Who wants to party in Charlotte?
@chrissyteigen Weirds me out that someone found my blog by specifically googling "Chrissy Teigen breasts"
pic.twitter.com/BiJDMfsbSN fucking shit you piece of garbage laguardia your love for LA worthy runway traffic made me miss my connection now I'm sleeping in charlotte
Number 9000 for takeoff. La Guardia, you disorganized mess.
Please read the two beautiful tweet stories
@MissJia has just RTed.
I THOUGHT U QUIT JUDGING PEOPLE RT
@RSpeigel13 thought you quit drinking!
La Guardia airport bar only serves booze after 8am. Don't embarrass yourself. You're welcome.
Good morning? RT
@TIRINA72 tell them that thanks such and such oh btw I see you are in the new it piece nice a repurposed asshat
you look like you're wanted for something and it's sure not sex. RT
@olsonmr sorry your show sucks. Wahhhhh
oh i am sooooo sorry you can't function like a normal human being when there are tweets not about basketball on your timeline fucking wahhh
fact: there are 89,673 ways to spell "brittney"
@chrissyteigen I don't know where Shark's anus is?
#ModelEmployee i cried when
@aspenbrandylea cried. i have feelings. my heart is slate gray, not black.
i cannot properly say the only word i had to say every single episode: "deliberation".
i would have stuck my finger in a shark's anus before I would ever cut the heads off frozen, pregnant rats.
#modelemployee i was just gonna talk about the sharks but i typed shart and now who cares because shart is hilarious fuck sharks
i would like to announce that i chose my dress based on the fact that it was wetsuit material because i am extremely clever
#modelemployee #modelemployee @VH1 starts in a few minutes homies! Grab some wine but probably not red -- you'll see....
Ugh thought I just made this up myself. Bummed now.
pic.twitter.com/s7e6yOmSo4 @chrissyteigen welcome to the 24/7 party that is JewelTV
Fox Sports has hired
@andyroddick to work as a broadcaster on
@FoxSports1. Roddick talks to
@SInow abt. his new gig:
bit.ly/10kOgJO 
I can't unsee this. RT
@BuzzFeed: CAT BEARDING
pic.twitter.com/YvZHDrPBdY #paid #spon #hateyou #lovethatpan RT
@EatThisNotThat nothing handles heat as well as cast iron. We like the Lodge Logic Square Grill Pan!
No one has ever said a man was an orange. RT
@EatThisNotThat "A man is not an orange. You can't eat the fruit and throw the peel away."
Catch Episode 3 of
#modelemployee tonight at 11pm!!! Only on
@VH1 Check out the preview here!
on.vh1.com/13G8CKZ #sharkattack 😧
My TV just told me it's been on too long and shut itself off. Stop making me feel bad about myself you asshole jerk tv
Hey apparently bridesmaid dresses take time just a heads up if you're planning a wedding
If you're still fighting me on the toilet seat issue, go take it up with the girlfriend you don't have.
New
#modelemployee tonight!!! 11pm,
@VH1. Be there or be square-faced and hideous like me, as one of my wonderful followers told me today.
It. Belongs. Down. RT
@Kelley2Sean never heard of looking down before you sit? Don't you look at a park bench before you sit down?
It belongs down not for women, but for all.
Since there is clearly some confusion here on the toilet seat issue, let me state a simple fact: the seat. belongs. down.
I think I'm seriously gonna go to Amy's baking company guys. Looking up flights.
Hate when men ask why we don't leave the toilet seat UP for them. Because you don't fall into the effing toilet, smarties.
We should move the UN somewhere a little more awesome because the corner of 1st ave and 42nd is lame as fuck
I've never said "kick rocks" in my life I have no idea where I got it from I heard it on television and basically I'm 8 years old
This New York weather can kick rocks. Be cloudy. Be rainy. Be hot. Be humid. But NOT ALL AT ONCE PLEASE.
Yes, tis I you are seeing on taxi TV. I have made it and now I am retiring. Tweet you from del boca vista!
"double froms" are weird yet must be done.
I honestly think I first learned where babies come from from Spencer's Gifts.
My favorite food on this beautiful planet is fried chicken. And risotto. And scalloped potatoes. Oh baby.
enough stereotyping. EVERYBODY LIKES FRIED CHICKEN.
I bet the bubblicious ppl can make the flavor last longer but don't because then we chew more pieces they're like shady docs but delicious
This is the best vine ever
vine.co/v/bEYZdetnbnK why can't we get drunk and crave salads
Well everyone fucking knew it was Gif. That's like being like "it's pronounced Sunday not SOONday" got it thanks