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Chelsea Handler
I don't understand why Instagram has to be so UN-AMERICAN. Do you know how hard it was for my mom to wake surf without a life vest? It's the 4th, for christ sake.
You can watch my 4th of July booby bonanza on Twitter.
I have to water ski? Fine, bitch. I'll do it and then I'll watch you do it.
Little red riding chunk.
This reminds me of honey boo boo's family taking a nap together.
I'm in a detox bath that my makeup artist gave me which may or may not cause diarrhea. Tune in Tokyo.
Watch your back, chunk. This little doozy is available for adoption at Brent Air.
It's so obvious when chunks taken an edible. A lot of people have questioned his heritage. The answer is: he's half Asian (Chinese chicken chow) and half German Shepard (the Jewish kind of German). Sephardic Jew. He's never pretended to be anything but.
I just told chunk the story of naacp woman pretending she was black. He doesn't think it's funny at all.
If you really want a laugh, watch @joshwolfcomedy on the premiere of @JoshWolfShow tonight on CMT... 11/10c pic.twitter.com/62hMHLUUsp
Watching my badass girl @charlizeafrica in fury road. So what, if I'm attracted to her.
Do I look sober in this picture?
Chunk is not dying. I just meant that I was looking to add to my brood, since my tubes have most certainly tied themselves. Thank you for your offers to give me your dogs, though. Weird, but very generous nonetheless.
I pitched this idea: can we introduce a little woman so that my heart doesn't break when you leave me...even though it will
You think you know someone and then they pose for a picture like this and you realize, "I don't know you at all."
If you like my books, you'll love this. Funny, honest, and smarter than mine.
Help! Only One of us can swim
We will be performing tomorrow at the Atlantis in the Bahamas. Tickets available on tinder.
My plane catches on fire and I'm as cool as a Persian cucumber. I don't own a plane, but I do own a cucumber.




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