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Chelsea Handler
Chunk is not dying. I just meant that I was looking to add to my brood, since my tubes have most certainly tied themselves. Thank you for your offers to give me your dogs, though. Weird, but very generous nonetheless.
I pitched this idea: can we introduce a little woman so that my heart doesn't break when you leave me...even though it will
You think you know someone and then they pose for a picture like this and you realize, "I don't know you at all."
If you like my books, you'll love this. Funny, honest, and smarter than mine.
Help! Only One of us can swim
We will be performing tomorrow at the Atlantis in the Bahamas. Tickets available on tinder.
My plane catches on fire and I'm as cool as a Persian cucumber. I don't own a plane, but I do own a cucumber.
My cousins and my aunt/uncle. She's transitioning too, we just don't know which way.
Dear mom- this is the kind of nonsense women do to their faces now. I'm filming a documentary about marriage and am on my way to officiate a weeding. And then off to a bachelorette party. I may see you sooner than you think. 👯
@neginzand this is the nugget who helps me pretend I'm blonde.
Dear God- Tomorrow night I will be on Seth Meyers' show at 12:30am, nbc. Pls guide me toward the light.
My super talented friend @CourteneyCox directed JUST BEFORE I GO! It's out today and you should go see it & support!
Retweeted by Chelsea Handler
@jennyandteets2 me and my boo just smelling like whatever that flower is called
This is what happens when your father is 110. We are filming together to bring me back to TV. I'm coming....#netflix
This is my cousin, Ulrike. We do everything together. I love her so bad, it makes my peekachu ache.
The three of us are coming to the Bahamas, Florida, and Indiana to perform some stand up. And by the three of us, I mean me and my jugs. Go to for details
This is the nugget who takes care of me. He's just a little older person baby, but he's spry.
Just sitting here watching James cordon giggle.
Kicking off Chunk's work week.
I said, "chunk, do you want me to stay home this weekend?"
I can't imagine where he learned this from.