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Chelsea Handler
When in Rome, wrap yourself up like a Danish. These jeans were loose when I arrived.
Helping this tall Russian bitch @mariasharapova onto Chuy. Go lakers
This little baby had to have his eyes sewn shut because he went blind and they needed to remove his eyeballs. His name is STUBBS. He already has a homecoming though. I know because I tried to steal him.
I love the idea of color correcting an average picture. Here I am
The only time I can get them in a picture together. Desperate times.
I'm coming back everyone. Here's the link to prove I haven't been doing nothing. #ChelseaDoes
Somebody fucks a muppet tonight...#ABC THE MUPPETS
What's the plan for today?
My work colleague slept with someone last night and just got these flowers. #penetration
Why couldn't you just let our lives be simple? Why do I have to fly all the time?
I have to spend the next 5 hours on the plane next to this. #blessed
Go see my friend's movie. You won't believe it.
I don't know if this was taken on a Thursday, but the point is, it was taken.
When my partner's late. #dryhump
We look so much alike we can't tell each other apart. @MariaSharapova and Friends Dec 12-13 at UCLA
This is how I want my husbands to look at me. Like they're missing their glass of wine.
This is what it takes to live in this town. #hollywood
Just found this bird in my bathroom. I guess she either is heading to the sauna or needs a tampon.
I have been in LA for so long, I forgot about seasons. I still don't miss New Jersey, but I do miss this.
My sissy and me. Mets lose. Drunk, broke, and hooking in flushing meadows. #fuckingmets

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