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Prince Charles
royals 386,837 followers
A-level results day. Mr Cameron has failed Politics. Not exactly surprised. #alevelresults
Five minutes into the Commonwealth Games, and it's already clear Scotland might not be ready for independence. #bbcglasgow2014
Congratulations on winning the World Cup, Germany (if you had won the war, one would be typing this tweet in German). #WorldCupFinal
North Korea are proud to announce that they've won the World Cup 4-0. #WorldCupFinal
Germany vs Argentina. Both good at football, rubbish at war. Unlike us. #WorldCupFinal
Text from Angela Merkel: "And that my friends, is a Brazilian waxing". #BrazilvsGermany
Camilla says "Brazil have gone down easier than a thirsty tourist in Magaluf". Awkward. #BrazilvsGermany
If you can't beat them, eat them. #ItalyvsUruguay
One has waited years for England to play like Spain; now we are. #EnglandvsUruguay
Text from Prince Harry: “Yes, Spain are out of the World Cup, but Pique goes home with Shakira. Who is the real winner?”. #SpainvsChile
Oh dear. The reign from Spain are heading for the plane. Adios. #SpainvsChile
The King of Spain has officially abdicated. Another Juan bites the dust.
Completely surprised USA have scored so early. Usually they turn up late and claim victory. #USAvsGhana
Camilla says "Rooney couldn't score in a brothel". Although one seems to remember that's not entirely true. #EnglandvsItaly
Ok, boys, blow the bloody doors off. #EnglandvsItaly
The England football team has arrived in Brazil for the World Cup. Might as well leave the plane engine running, they won't be long.
King Juan Carlos of Spain is abdicating in favour of his son. It really is wonderful what some parents do for their children.
Text from Mr Cameron: "Bloody UKIP. Coming here, stealing our jobs". Awkward.
Happy St George's Day, England. Take the day off. If anyone asks, tell them the Future King said it was ok.
It's nice to see Russia and Ukraine are planning to mark the centenary of World War I with a full scale re-enactment.
Someone give Vladimir Putin a Snickers.
Closing the UK until further notice. #ukstorm
Mr Cameron on the phone. He wants to fully support those affected by the floods, which is a smart move to grab the floating voters.
Bloody typical. One's been waiting for public transport in Somerset for an hour, then two boats come along at once.
Pissing with rain, once again. Have sent a text to UKIP to see if anything can be done. Awaiting a response.
Have arrested Justin Bieber for crimes against music.
One has been given extra Royal responsibilities and duties, which is a fancy term for "take the corgis out for a walk".
Oh God, it's Monday already. Someone get one a bacon sandwich.
I now declare 2014 open. Happy New Year.
Royal New Year's Resolutions: - Become King - Make it illegal to be Justin Bieber - Teach Camilla how to 'twerk' - Sell France
Australia, the New Year officially starts when Big Ben strikes midnight and not a second before.
There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their decorations up. Unbelievable.
Royal game of Charades. Harry's interpretation of 'Free Willy' was totally inappropriate.
Christmas dinner. William asked Kate if she wanted stuffing. Awkward.
On the first day of Christmas, Camilla gave to me...a partridge in a pear tree. One gave her an iPad. Annoyed.
Mr Cameron paid a surprise visit to troops in Afghanistan today. Not exactly the Christmas present they wanted. Poor sods.
Today is Nelson Mandela's funeral, who went from prison to politics. Quite the opposite to how we do things in Great Britain.
Dear MPs, at least Dick Turpin had the decency to wear a mask before robbing people. Regards, Great Britain.
MPs want an 11% pay rise?! Someone get Guy Fawkes on the phone.
Rest in peace, Nelson Mandela. The greatest man that ever lived.
On the third day, God created gin.
Trick or Treaters, one is officially "not in". Sod off, or one shall be forced to release the corgis. #happyhalloween
Yes, Mr Cameron, one would love to attend your Halloween party. One'll be dressed as the Invisible Man. #happyhalloween
St Jude has been downgraded from a hurricane-force storm to a summer in Scotland. #ukstorm
Michael Fish has issued a warning about the coming storm. 26 years too late, but one appreciates the gesture. #ukstorm
Queen Elizabeth II and the 3 Heirs (no reference to William's hairline)
Dear British Gas, is it cheaper for one to burn £20 notes than put the heating on this Winter? #AskBG
Text from President Obama: "Crisis averted, America is back online. Just have to wait 20 minutes for Wonga to credit my account".