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Prince Charles
royals 387,791 followers
One's book is out on 9th October. Do your duty, for Future King and Country:
Supermarkets are selling Christmas cards already, which is perfect, as it takes Royal Mail two months to deliver them.
Trying to convince Camilla to give up cigarettes for #Stoptober. Says "if smoking is so bad, how comes it cures salmon?". Not answering her.
Wonga are apparently writing off £220m of customers debts. Thank Christ for that, one only borrowed £100 to buy Greece.
One has written a new British Bill of Rights.
Mr Cameron on Skype, wanting last minute advice on his conference speech. Popped him on hold whilst one polishes off a bacon sandwich.
One's new book 'Charles_HRH's guide to Great Britishness' is ready. Pre-order it here:
Don’t panic, Scotland. There’ll be plenty of jobs for everyone should you vote for independence; rebuilding Hadrian’s Wall. #ScotlandDecides
Scotland just went from "married" to "it's complicated". Awkward. #ScotlandDecides
One would like to remind you that Braveheart is a film, and not a documentary. #ScotlandDecides
Serious question, if Scotland does divorce itself from Britain, who gets custody of Andy Murray?
Mr Cameron on the phone. Says that "losing Scotland would be like losing a member of the family". Has he tried the pub?
Have sent The Three Amigos (Cameron, Clegg, and Miliband) to convince Scotland to vote against independence. Not expecting miracles.
No, Harry, you cannot help Kate. One doesn't care that "morning sickness is often treated with ginger". #RoyalBaby
Prince George seems overjoyed about the news of a new #RoyalBaby.
William and Kate are expecting their second child?! It's reigning babies. #BreedLikeRabbits #RoyalBaby
A-level results day. Mr Cameron has failed Politics. Not exactly surprised. #alevelresults
Five minutes into the Commonwealth Games, and it's already clear Scotland might not be ready for independence. #bbcglasgow2014
Congratulations on winning the World Cup, Germany (if you had won the war, one would be typing this tweet in German). #WorldCupFinal
North Korea are proud to announce that they've won the World Cup 4-0. #WorldCupFinal
Germany vs Argentina. Both good at football, rubbish at war. Unlike us. #WorldCupFinal
Text from Angela Merkel: "And that my friends, is a Brazilian waxing". #BrazilvsGermany
Camilla says "Brazil have gone down easier than a thirsty tourist in Magaluf". Awkward. #BrazilvsGermany
If you can't beat them, eat them. #ItalyvsUruguay
One has waited years for England to play like Spain; now we are. #EnglandvsUruguay
Text from Prince Harry: “Yes, Spain are out of the World Cup, but Pique goes home with Shakira. Who is the real winner?”. #SpainvsChile
Oh dear. The reign from Spain are heading for the plane. Adios. #SpainvsChile
The King of Spain has officially abdicated. Another Juan bites the dust.
Completely surprised USA have scored so early. Usually they turn up late and claim victory. #USAvsGhana
Camilla says "Rooney couldn't score in a brothel". Although one seems to remember that's not entirely true. #EnglandvsItaly
Ok, boys, blow the bloody doors off. #EnglandvsItaly
The England football team has arrived in Brazil for the World Cup. Might as well leave the plane engine running, they won't be long.
King Juan Carlos of Spain is abdicating in favour of his son. It really is wonderful what some parents do for their children.
Text from Mr Cameron: "Bloody UKIP. Coming here, stealing our jobs". Awkward.
Happy St George's Day, England. Take the day off. If anyone asks, tell them the Future King said it was ok.
It's nice to see Russia and Ukraine are planning to mark the centenary of World War I with a full scale re-enactment.
Someone give Vladimir Putin a Snickers.
Closing the UK until further notice. #ukstorm
Mr Cameron on the phone. He wants to fully support those affected by the floods, which is a smart move to grab the floating voters.
Bloody typical. One's been waiting for public transport in Somerset for an hour, then two boats come along at once.
Pissing with rain, once again. Have sent a text to UKIP to see if anything can be done. Awaiting a response.
Have arrested Justin Bieber for crimes against music.
One has been given extra Royal responsibilities and duties, which is a fancy term for "take the corgis out for a walk".
Oh God, it's Monday already. Someone get one a bacon sandwich.
I now declare 2014 open. Happy New Year.
Royal New Year's Resolutions: - Become King - Make it illegal to be Justin Bieber - Teach Camilla how to 'twerk' - Sell France
Australia, the New Year officially starts when Big Ben strikes midnight and not a second before.