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Prince Charles
royals 389,096 followers
One has provided @StareAtBooks with an exclusive extract from one's new book. Read it here:…
The Queen has sent her first ever tweet. One tried to explain Twitter, but she said she "doesn't follow". Joker.
The EU wants an extra £1.7bn from the UK, because our economy is actually doing something. Well, guess what, they can get stuffed.
Only 5 years imprisonment for Oscar Pistorius?! Prince George's reading books have longer sentences than that. #nojustice
Call the police. Someone has stolen the weekend. #SodOffMonday
"#TheGreatFire of London remains one of the only times the capital has ever reached over 30 degrees". Read more:
If Ebola hits the UK, one'll drive to mummy's, take care of Philip, grab Liz, go to Windsor, have a cup of tea and wait for it to blow over.
Kim Jong-un on the phone. Wants the number for Guinness World Records as he thinks he's just broken the record for hide and seek.
Kim Jong-un has vanished from public view in North Korea. Camilla thinks "he's had another bad haircut and is waiting for it to grow back".
Hangover the size of China. Someone get a sausage sandwich on the go.
In the beginning, God created gin. #plastered
England are playing San Marino, statistically one of the worst football teams in the world. San Marino aren't that great either. #EngvSM
Yes, one’s book is also available on the Kindle; the poor man's iPad and the rich man's book. #SuperThursday
One's handy guide to Great Britishness is published today: #SuperThursday
Emergency Ebola meeting. The NHS can't deal with an outbreak of the bloody common cold, let alone anything else.
The Middletons have noticed one's book going cheap at @asda whilst doing their weekly shop.
Text from President Obama: “Shitting myself about Ebola coming to America”. Slightly awkward, as that’s one of the symptoms.
Monday has been cancelled due to lack of interest.
One's book is out on 9th October. Do your duty, for Future King and Country:
Supermarkets are selling Christmas cards already, which is perfect, as it takes Royal Mail two months to deliver them.
Trying to convince Camilla to give up cigarettes for #Stoptober. Says "if smoking is so bad, how comes it cures salmon?". Not answering her.
Wonga are apparently writing off £220m of customers debts. Thank Christ for that, one only borrowed £100 to buy Greece.
One has written a new British Bill of Rights.
Mr Cameron on Skype, wanting last minute advice on his conference speech. Popped him on hold whilst one polishes off a bacon sandwich.
One's new book 'Charles_HRH's guide to Great Britishness' is ready. Pre-order it here:
Don’t panic, Scotland. There’ll be plenty of jobs for everyone should you vote for independence; rebuilding Hadrian’s Wall. #ScotlandDecides
Scotland just went from "married" to "it's complicated". Awkward. #ScotlandDecides
One would like to remind you that Braveheart is a film, and not a documentary. #ScotlandDecides
Serious question, if Scotland does divorce itself from Britain, who gets custody of Andy Murray?
Mr Cameron on the phone. Says that "losing Scotland would be like losing a member of the family". Has he tried the pub?
Have sent The Three Amigos (Cameron, Clegg, and Miliband) to convince Scotland to vote against independence. Not expecting miracles.
No, Harry, you cannot help Kate. One doesn't care that "morning sickness is often treated with ginger". #RoyalBaby
Prince George seems overjoyed about the news of a new #RoyalBaby.
William and Kate are expecting their second child?! It's reigning babies. #BreedLikeRabbits #RoyalBaby
A-level results day. Mr Cameron has failed Politics. Not exactly surprised. #alevelresults
Five minutes into the Commonwealth Games, and it's already clear Scotland might not be ready for independence. #bbcglasgow2014
Congratulations on winning the World Cup, Germany (if you had won the war, one would be typing this tweet in German). #WorldCupFinal
North Korea are proud to announce that they've won the World Cup 4-0. #WorldCupFinal
Germany vs Argentina. Both good at football, rubbish at war. Unlike us. #WorldCupFinal
Text from Angela Merkel: "And that my friends, is a Brazilian waxing". #BrazilvsGermany
Camilla says "Brazil have gone down easier than a thirsty tourist in Magaluf". Awkward. #BrazilvsGermany
If you can't beat them, eat them. #ItalyvsUruguay
One has waited years for England to play like Spain; now we are. #EnglandvsUruguay
Text from Prince Harry: “Yes, Spain are out of the World Cup, but Pique goes home with Shakira. Who is the real winner?”. #SpainvsChile
Oh dear. The reign from Spain are heading for the plane. Adios. #SpainvsChile
The King of Spain has officially abdicated. Another Juan bites the dust.
Completely surprised USA have scored so early. Usually they turn up late and claim victory. #USAvsGhana