Grow Your Twitter Audience - Free!

Barney Stinson

comedy 497,183 followers
Share this page  
When a girl buys a ticket to Coachella does it include the hippie headpiece, cut-off shorts, and ankle boots, or is it each sold separately?
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
Aside from global warming, famine, poverty and genocide, I can't think of a single thing worse than going to work with the sniffles.
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
Would it just be easier to ban marriage altogether? Hahaha! I'm joking! I'm joking of course! #onlyhalfjoking #MarriageEquality
GOOD CAUSE alert! Please help my friend Pete and share this link! sbtwf.com/ss/be-heard#.U…
Was going to go on a diet but then I remembered hooded sweatshirts exist.
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
You're in luck people: tweet me questions. Any kind of question you want, and maybe I'll answer it in this week's blog!
Oh, hello new profile picture.
.@trevster90 Sad to say the Playbook exploded into a million pieces.
.@DescRick I'm so over that thing!
@Broslife Change it to something epic like the Von Matador or the Royal Archduke!
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
Okay, I found something good for my new picture. I'll post it tomorrow morning...
I'm bored of my profile pic. What do y'all think I should change it to?
Watch what I do on television tonight. I've devised a new play called The "Weekend at Barney's" and it's gonna blow your pants off.
In between acting gigs Wallace Shawn just hangs out at fertility clinics saying "inconceivable."
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
This... is.... AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! ROBIN SPARKLES!!!!! tinyurl.com/bkrfbbc
If you have extra money, you should donate it to charity. If you have EXTRA extra money, buy this Robin Sparkles track! bit.ly/TBX4se
New Doodie Calls with Bob Saget (@bobsaget)!!!!! We talk airplane etiquette, a classis Full House moment and more! tinyurl.com/7uz5vtq
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
Why do I love suits? Let's just say I have a vested interest.
the most impressive thing about the X Games is how many people actually own snowmobiles
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
Robin and I JUST finished celebrating our engagement. Horizontally speaking.
Christmas makes me horny.
Not sure what time the world is supposed to end today, but before it does, grab a copy of my new book. tinyurl.com/cjxb8vz
"How I Met Your Music" is the perfect holiday gift for that special someone or one-night-stand. tinyurl.com/cntxxy2
Very special 1 Hour #HIMYM episode tonight. Part 1 features new song from Goldspot that benefits Red Cross Hurricane Sandy Relief effort !
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
Live chat w @HimymCraig RIGHT NOW! Use #AskHIMYM 2 submit ur Qs! Don't miss the special 1 hr ep after the chat on @CBS! bit.ly/W9V5cA
Retweeted by Barney Stinson
Y'all ready for ME on TV?! 8pm CBS tonight for an awesome hour-long episode! RETWEET THIS, BROS!
Back to the Future Logic Flaw #14: The whole family was named Biff??
Buy my holiday CD, "The First Bro-el!" In stores somewhere! cbs.com/shows/how_i_me…
Ted asked me to join his stupid sketch group. This is the first sketch I wrote. What do you guys think? cl.ly/1A2s1E0i0U1x
Do not be fooled by dudeaprons.com. brobibs.com is your only source for bro bibs. It's a thing!
Ah Monday. Back to the grind. To be clear: The Grind is a super underrated strip club.
I'm on TV tonight at 8pm. It's what scientists are calling "appointment viewing."
I've chased a lot of things in my day, but never ice. Check this out... chasingice.com
I love Black Friday! She's my second favorite stripper at "The Gravy Boat."
iwillnotgetslappedtodayiwillnotgetslappedtodayiwillnotgetslappedtodayiwillnotgetslappedtoday #iHateSlapsgiving