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Barney Stinson

comedy 500,827 followers
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Bros. Girl Bros. Smart Bros. Dumb Bros. Hipster Bros. Goth Bros. Doobie Bros. Mario Bros. Watch GOODWIN GAMES tonight. 8:30. FOX.
After making a deal w/ the devil, Darryl Strawberry's forced to shag balls for eternity. This fall: "Strawberry Fields Forever." #pilotwatch
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Tried writing a screenplay once but stopped when I found out they already made Coyote Ugly.
Huge. RT @gregorcorp: The most insightful article on reveal of The Mother on the Internet. Thank you @UncleChunkies m.newyorker.com/online/blogs/s…
AWESOME idea of the day: Watch The Goodwin Games pilot. hulu.com/the-goodwin-ga…
Season Finale tonight! Gonna be legen-- uh... crap... been 8 years, the mind's starting to go.. uhh let's go with --tastic. LEGENTASTIC.
*clears throat* RT @alydenisof: Tonight is a good night to watch How I Met Your Mother. The promos say its the MOTHER of all shows!
When a girl buys a ticket to Coachella does it include the hippie headpiece, cut-off shorts, and ankle boots, or is it each sold separately?
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Aside from global warming, famine, poverty and genocide, I can't think of a single thing worse than going to work with the sniffles.
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Would it just be easier to ban marriage altogether? Hahaha! I'm joking! I'm joking of course! #onlyhalfjoking #MarriageEquality
GOOD CAUSE alert! Please help my friend Pete and share this link! sbtwf.com/ss/be-heard#.U…
Was going to go on a diet but then I remembered hooded sweatshirts exist.
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You're in luck people: tweet me questions. Any kind of question you want, and maybe I'll answer it in this week's blog!
Oh, hello new profile picture.
.@trevster90 Sad to say the Playbook exploded into a million pieces.
.@DescRick I'm so over that thing!
@Broslife Change it to something epic like the Von Matador or the Royal Archduke!
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Okay, I found something good for my new picture. I'll post it tomorrow morning...
I'm bored of my profile pic. What do y'all think I should change it to?
Watch what I do on television tonight. I've devised a new play called The "Weekend at Barney's" and it's gonna blow your pants off.
In between acting gigs Wallace Shawn just hangs out at fertility clinics saying "inconceivable."
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This... is.... AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! ROBIN SPARKLES!!!!! tinyurl.com/bkrfbbc
If you have extra money, you should donate it to charity. If you have EXTRA extra money, buy this Robin Sparkles track! bit.ly/TBX4se
New Doodie Calls with Bob Saget (@bobsaget)!!!!! We talk airplane etiquette, a classis Full House moment and more! tinyurl.com/7uz5vtq
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Why do I love suits? Let's just say I have a vested interest.
the most impressive thing about the X Games is how many people actually own snowmobiles
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Robin and I JUST finished celebrating our engagement. Horizontally speaking.
Christmas makes me horny.
Not sure what time the world is supposed to end today, but before it does, grab a copy of my new book. tinyurl.com/cjxb8vz
"How I Met Your Music" is the perfect holiday gift for that special someone or one-night-stand. tinyurl.com/cntxxy2
Very special 1 Hour #HIMYM episode tonight. Part 1 features new song from Goldspot that benefits Red Cross Hurricane Sandy Relief effort !
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Live chat w @HimymCraig RIGHT NOW! Use #AskHIMYM 2 submit ur Qs! Don't miss the special 1 hr ep after the chat on @CBS! bit.ly/W9V5cA
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Y'all ready for ME on TV?! 8pm CBS tonight for an awesome hour-long episode! RETWEET THIS, BROS!
Back to the Future Logic Flaw #14: The whole family was named Biff??
Buy my holiday CD, "The First Bro-el!" In stores somewhere! cbs.com/shows/how_i_me…
Ted asked me to join his stupid sketch group. This is the first sketch I wrote. What do you guys think? cl.ly/1A2s1E0i0U1x
Do not be fooled by dudeaprons.com. brobibs.com is your only source for bro bibs. It's a thing!