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Now that is what I call a motherfucking cake!
I just got so bored, I actually did all the housework. Rock 'n roll, rock 'n roll, I'm the King of Rock 'n Roll...
"There is no contradiction between faith and science." -- Stupid orange monkey-man. #planetoftheapes
Someone fix that man's throaty box. #planetoftheapes
I want to run down a dusty hill in a white suit, damnit. Also, that was the weirdest fucking laugh ever. #planetoftheapes
Christy!!! That dude/dudette forgot to apply their Loreal DermaExpertise by the looks of it! #planetoftheapes
Being lied to is one of the few things I hate even more than not being listened to.
STAGE FRIGHT... Quite a refreshing change. Not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't this.
Note to self: when doing a side plank, don't look to the side at all your womanly hip fat hanging off your body. It is depressing.
Note to self: do not try to make tea with the kettle that shoots boiling water every which, when you're in your underwear, ever again.
Fun things to do in Tesco No.31: discreetly slip a pack of condoms into a couple's trolley and then queue up behind them at the checkout.
Retweeted by BronwenWinterPhoenix
Smearing toothpaste on a caterpillar
Retweeted by BronwenWinterPhoenix
Oh great. I opened the drawer and found these. Perfect.
What is this hocus pocus voodoo nonsense directly outside my back door?
None of these are working for me today, because they are all motherfucking useless pieces of shit!!! All I wanted was a cup of tea and some cooked food, damnit. THAT'S ALL I EVER WANT!!!
I'm pissed again, like I was last summer
Retweeted by BronwenWinterPhoenix
Stuck for a name for your band? Type nonsense into your iPhone text box and let autocorrect work its magic.
Retweeted by BronwenWinterPhoenix
"The trick is to keep breathing."
Thank fuck for the Irish store! Hooray! I love the Irish, so I do!
I bought a new Grandmeister Fireclicker, bringer of fire! It ain't working. Turns out child resistant is also Phoenix resistant. Help!!!
My clicky fireclicker, bringer of fire, has finally given up the ghost and must be laid to rest. I now need to go in search of a new bringer of fire.
If only there were as many people in favour of Scottish Independence as there are Jews buried in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.