Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Create your own wall, sign in free!
Bo Burnham
"Taylor Swift stays out too late!" - some people, apparently
JUST HIT A MILLION FOLLOWERS! I AM SO HAPPY! KIDS! PURSUE LARGE TWITTER FOLLOWINGS AT ALL COSTS! THIS IS SO SATISFYING SPIRITUALLY!!!!!!
Thank you to everyone sending me nice birthday tweets. I AM NOW FOUR FACTORIAL AKA XXIV AKA JACK BAUER AKA TWO MOTHERFUCKIN DOZEN.
BILLION DOLLAR IDEA: Movie postquels. They're like prequels except they show what happens NEXT, wait, whoops, nevermind.
LA! Just released a few last minute tickets for "Bo & Friends" tonight. Will be me and 4 of my closest comedifriends. ticketfly.com/purchase/event…
A picture of me wearing one of the many smiles Robin Williams has given me during my life. pic.twitter.com/t8f09vBcSQ
Well that really fucking sucks.
CONGRATS TO ALL THESE ANCIENT AND POSSIBLY IMMORTAL SHAPESHIFTERS FOR FINDING SUCH BEAUTIFUL HUMAN SKIN TO WEAR!!! pic.twitter.com/EBe4Rg76ZP
Hey new followers! I wrote a book of poetry: amazon.com/gp/aw/d/145551… it has stuff like this in it pic.twitter.com/kFHvrUveUL
LOS ANGELES: Come to see me work on new material but stay for my professional comedian friends! BO & FRIENDS tix: largo-la.com/event/632943/
I live my life by a simple code: 01000110 01010101 01000011 01001011 01011001 01001111 01010101 00100001
FUN FACT: A person who thinks that the average person only uses 10 percent of his or her brain is only using 10 percent of his or her brain.
Had a great time Showing My Song today. #krollshow pic.twitter.com/xy080TIXh6
WHAT A DISASTER! I NOW KNOW JOKES CAN HURT! #SORRYHUNTERS pic.twitter.com/X9CMzRcIQw
I'M DOING MY BEST. I AM SO SORRY. pic.twitter.com/W1UVFw20Sp
I AM NOW PERSONALLY APOLOGIZING TO ALL HUNTERS WITH TWEETS. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT. THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE I AM SO FUCKING SORRY.
Let's all take a second today to just sit and think about how lucky we are to not be named Hunter.
Had a wet dream about Betsy Ross. #America
Every time I say something racist all these PC 1st-amendment-hating liberals are all like "you're racist." #smh
I'm performing @FestivalSupreme on 10/25 in Los Angeles. Amazing line-up. Tickets at festivalsupreme.com pic.twitter.com/QmJWFXh0v7
@iamdiddy: In a world where you can be anything you want, BE YOURSELF.” WILL DO, SEAN COMBS!!!
Been in the library for hours trying to figure out the subtext to Katy Perry's "it's time to bring out the big balloons" line. No progress.
I like Lana Del Ray because she sings sad songs but also looks like she could sell you a quality jar of beeswax.
Well then I guess I got a FULL-RIDE SCHOLARSHIP. Right, Diddy? Diddy? Plz respond “@iamdiddy: Failure is the tuition you pay for success.”
Just found out that not only is Iggy Azalea fancy, but apparently I already knew it!
And they sit at the jar and put jars in my jar and say 'Jar, what are jar jarrin' jar?'
Anyone know of any clips of comedians talking about what it's like being a comedian? Nevermind, found ten thousand of them.
Thank you to those who shared their experiences through #YesAllWomen. A chance to listen and learn is a great gift! Take it when it's given!
Fellas, SIZE DOESN'T matter! Women don't care if you're tall or short just as long as your dick is huge! #MisdErection
Dear Transformers 4 billboard, what does a robot dinosaur need a tongue for? Sincerely, an annoying person.
Louie, louie, louie, louieee-eeee.
This American Life followed my mother, a Hospice nurse, for a story on end-of-life care. I am very proud of her. thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives…
Christ has risen. Christ has risen indeed. Christ is still rising. Christ STOLE fizzy lifting drinks! You LOSE. Good DAY, Christ.
I think you'd be you regardless. “@timkramertk: If @amyschumer and @boburnham had a child i'd be me.”
In the backyard with the 'scope. That's short for telescope. Scientist talk you wouldn't get it. instagram.com/p/mzUf-iFGTh/
Chipp McCapp grew up in Weston Massachusetts and chose an accent for his career. That is my excuse. #parksandrec
Yes! And this is exactly what I was going for! “@Jess_Bergher: @boburnham didn't you say this in your special? pic.twitter.com/68ohOfGyCf
NEW #PARKSANDREC TONIGHT 8:30! I wrote w/ @DaveKingThing! @Nick_Offerman directed! Guests @boburnham, Jeff Tweedy from @Wilco & Sam Elliott!
Retweeted by Bo Burnham
"Beautiful Like My Mom" by Chip McCapp youtube.com/watch?v=3mGG2g… tomorrow on @parksandrecnbc #moms #troops
Tonights episode of legit at 10pm on fxx Steve and Jim go to Afghanistan. The actors playing soldiers are all... fb.me/2SH1nwHKO
Retweeted by Bo Burnham
I'm on this Thursday's episode of Parks & Rec directed by the won(andonly)derful @Nick_Offerman. Woohoo! pic.twitter.com/2TddIPlBdZ