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Women have perfect recall during arguments but can never remember where they put your Xbox controller after one.
Change your WhatsApp status to "I'm changing my number" and watch all the slimy ghosts who never talk to you re-appear.
One of the most important people to be loyal to is yourself.
Those who feel small want to do everything big. Those who feel big want to do everything small. People will forever chase their opposite.
I have two personalities - one for when I think and one for when I speak.
I enjoy romantic walks to the fridge.
The less people that are interested in you, the harder you make those that are "try".
A moments silence can expose a thousand secrets.
I want my niece to get better. She's almost 4 years old, she should be driving her parents crazy not wasting time in a hospital bed.
If wolves are in sheep's clothing, who are the sheep's dressing up as?
If you can't teach me how to love, you can't teach me anything at all.
It's one thing to be liked but it's a whole other thing not to be missed.
Trust is relative, not absolute.
I'm not anti-social, I just don't like people.
Monday; the make money or sleep in the streets day.
Zero to hero.
Every second not spent impressing her is another second you're losing her to cats and Nutella.
I told a behavioural psychologist I felt sorry for people who wanted or had children. He asked me why, I told him why and then he cried.
Your day starts at 7am, mine started in 1987.
If we're not awake and we're clearly not sleeping then we're really living unconscious.
What would you do if that someone was your government and that sum was more than 10% of your income?
What would you do if someone stole $10 from you to buy bullets for a gun to kill people?
Just because she doesn't breathe doesn't sway my mind from being consumed with thoughts of a time when I knew how to feel.
She just needs to Instagram a pair of Louboutins to be the perfect cliché girl. #redsoles