Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Tim Siedell
The Kansas City Royals are the surprise team of the summer, unless you also want to count ISIS.
“And I don’t know how it gets better than this / You take my handle and drag me head first / Fearless" - Taylor Swiffer
"The beautiful foyer, the beautiful foyer." - Marilyn Mansion
As the can instructed, I just shared a Diet Coke with my best friend and now my iPhone is wet and won't turn on anymore.
There's a typo in my previous tweet. I have punched myself in the front bottom, as per Twitter's Terms of Service.
The new phone book just arrived so It's your move, Internet.
Mixed feelings. Kony just did the Ice Bucket Challenge.
I'm a social drinker. In other words, I don't drink.
We did it, everyone! ALS has a great Klout score now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL IF YOU'RE DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE OR IF YOU JUST COACHED YOUR TEAM TO A SUPER BOWL VICTORY?
I'm very excited to…announce? Don't think we've said it anywhere…that Dr. Mirage #1 PLUS features a bonus comic by @badbanana & @allenraul!
Retweeted by Tim Siedell
If every actor in Expendables 3 goes to see it this weekend, it'll be a massive hit.
I'd like to think nothing good ever comes of violence, but I was a kid once. I went to a party with a piñata. I know better.
Billion dollar idea: Pay-per-view knife fight between Wendy's commercial girl and Flo from Progressive.
The only thing better than a beautiful summer day outdoors is every single day indoors.
I sleep with an even bigger pillow under my pillow in case someone breaks into the house to start a pillow fight.
I guess we'll know ISIS militants have reached America when we start noticing them in the background of our selfies.
Please consider the environment before printing all these tweets.
Please don't call it a Supermoon. Anything that can be defeated by a cloud isn't so super.
I like how those Sprint Framily commercials just gloss over the fact that one lady and that hamster are doing it. Tasteful.
I'm not very good at basketball because I was raised by Timberwolves.
Bears are walking upright and the KC Royals are playoff contenders. Your investment in gold can't save you now.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
An hour into this Jack White documentary and I realize I'm watching Edward Scissorhands.
Part of my creative process is to suck for 40+ years.