Your opinion is irrelevant because you're ratchet.
phone calls are the most terrifying thing in the world
Beware These Things Cause Cancer pic.wittr.in/1bXCJBD
I hate any insect that crawls, runs, jumps, flies, twerks, dougies, jerks, twitches, rolls, hops, moon walks, shuffles
Too bored to stay home. Too lazy to go out.
Fuck texting. I want you here.
Someone who truly loves you, sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you can be to handle, but still wants you.
Don't let your fear of the past affect the presence of your future. Live for what tomorrow has to bring, not what yesterday has taken away.
A snail that meows, a squirrel in an astronaut suit, and a crab with a whale as his daughter. The creators of SpongeBob were obviously high.
It's crazy how many memories can come up just by listening to a song.
Everytime I see the word "explain" on a test, a little part of me dies.
People change, and often they become the person they said they will never be.
Work harder, Eat better, Run faster, Feel stronger.
i wish my phone came with unlimited battery life
Best thing about being single? No drama, no fighting, no feeling, no confusion, no worries, no problem
Cut the negative people from your life, they only bring you down.
I'm naturally a fast texter so if it takes me more than 15 minutes to text you back, 95% of the time it's intentional
whenever u feel sad just remember that there are billions of cells in ur body and all they care about is u
Karma takes too long ...I'd rather beat the shit out of you now.
when i was younger $20 felt like $100 and now $20 feels like $1
I trusted you, my mistake.
cheating on a good girl is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock
You're 16 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 3 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt.
I can count all the people I trust on one hand ✋
You know you're drunk when you swerve to miss a tree, and then realize it's the air freshener hanging from your mirror.
Does anyone else pay attention to the breath intakes in songs?
Mexican word of the day: Wheelchair. "Me and Juan only had 1 taco but thats ok, wheelchair.
My wife and I have the cutest nicknames for each other. She is my buttercup and I'm her useless sack of shit.
What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? Single
it's not a true car ride unless blurred lines comes on the radio at least 74 times
tickle me and i'll tickle your neck with a knife
I hate when parents talk bad about kids having sex..... Like they wasn't throwing dat ass back in high school TF
Dudes have all the swag in the world until you ask them to read a paragraph out loud
I feel lazier than the guy who created the Japanese flag
I wish I was a cat because the fatter you are the more people like you
my whole life is just “oh ok”
It's crazy how the United States is the worst but yet the best place to live on earth.
who else is laying down on Twitter
Dear Chair, I know you get more ass, but I get more head. Sincerely, Pillow. ;)
Hurry up and finish your Red Bull kids, your mom will be here in 15 minutes to pick you up.
iPhone 6 $750? This shit better turn my girl phone off every time I Text her "goodnight
If I'm drunk texting you, that means the sober me really wants to talk to you.
Dear famous people, When you say you're doing a world tour, please remember that my country is on the map of the world too.
Lost respect for a lot of people this year.
I'll be a vegetarian when bacon grows on trees.
Boobs are good, but asses are great
I don't say I don't give a fuck, I SHOW IT. 👊
I have a sixth sense. I see stupid people.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult fools without them realizing it.