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Andy Richter
comedy jokes television 601,626 followers
Have told my dog her fascination with our dinner prep is like a Jew being excited about the papacy, but I fear the analogy is lost on her
if someone piss you off say 1800 bite me or 411 who cares and 911 eat my shorts that will piss them off
Retweeted by Andy Richter
I ❤️ my life, & would say I'm #blessed, but afraid ppl might think I'm pathological & that I think a deity engineers things for me 💅
Thanks @AndyRichter. And we totally agree with your tweet from an hour ago even if we can't repeat it.
Retweeted by Andy Richter
Ok RT"@lululemonmen: Run. Gym. Hike. Do it all. In these:
So angry right now! Just found out my Guy Fawkes mask is actually the Frito Bandito
Writing a pro-abstinence version called "Nifty Shades of Wait".
Retweeted by Andy Richter
This is Sean, isn't it? RT“@yokoono: Tape the sound of the lake gradually freezing. Drink a cup of hot chocolate, afterwards.”
I'd like to thank @Pringles for doing a great job with this account. And thanks to my followers for checking it out!
Today from 1:45 PM to 1:46 PM @Pringles will be taking over this account. Check it out!
I envy the poop on the balls pig. Excellent fecal mass and density.
Could someone please let the Stars: They're Just Like Us people know that I have a stye? Thanks
This is the best use of technology I've ever seen…
This is your brain *shows you an egg* This is your brain on drugs *puts sunglasses on egg*
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Tonight we premiere 'The Review With Forrest MacNeil' at 9.50pm. Watch @TVsAndyDaly review life according to him!
Retweeted by Andy Richter
Happy Saint Indifferencia's Day
If you can't handle me at my poo-poo joke, then you don't deserve me at my pun.
MY PLAN: Hit the gym and get totally ripped, thereby making my lifelong immunity to joy seem an even crueler joke