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Andy Richter
comedy jokes television 575,516 followers
Whenever anyone says a musical artist played in concert for more than two hours I wonder why the artist was so angry at the audience
Jesus loves famous people best
Jesus was constantly coming across famous or soon-to-be-famous people
The Greatest Story Ever Told is prob the most accurate Jesus movie, because it's like the Bible - all about the cameos
Jamie Lannister's new leather jacket makes me think they had some sweet prog rock bands back then
@MrMikeLobikis @AndyRichter Oh no, my whole feed is devoted to praising rapists! Don’t you read?
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*s•l•i•d•e w•h•i•s•t•l•e d•o•o•o•w•n*⤵️
Also, Hulk still inspiring people to be their best, brother
You married yr sister & your mom is preg? “@HulkHogan: Great Easter w my beautiful wife Jennifer looking foward to our future brother. HH”
Terry Richardson gave you exactly the depraved, exploitative images you craved, you fucking scumbags. Don’t get up on your high horses now.
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Imagine how much more simple it would be if you could just like all the things you're supposed to like
honey, i'm not sure how to tell you this *slams jim morrison poster on table* apparently our kid is an asshole
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Yeah, it's 4/20, so yeah, I'm smokin'...a HAM! Ha ha! This is a joke tweet, but srsly, He is risen & whatever
Those Kia Morpheus ads mainly just remind me what a pompous overblown jerk-off the Matrix is
Happy Easter! RT“@madmonarchs: Alois Hitler (1837-1903) never called his son Adolph by #name, but whistled for him as if he were a dog.”
Shout to white people who always mention someone's race when telling a story even when it has nothing to do with the story
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Moses says,"He revealed his Word to my mind." How conveeeenient
Only time I get offended by something on TV is when I'm expected to believe that anyone has an opinion about a particular local news team
Fuck that shit, I'm takin the elevator RT“@Inspiring9: ,
"Nerd" used to be an insult. Now it's something you call yourself when you want to be congratulated for having interests.
Retweeted by Andy Richter