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Andy Richter
comedy jokes television 575,516 followers
Whenever anyone says a musical artist played in concert for more than two hours I wonder why the artist was so angry at the audience
Jesus loves famous people best
Jesus was constantly coming across famous or soon-to-be-famous people
The Greatest Story Ever Told is prob the most accurate Jesus movie, because it's like the Bible - all about the cameos
Jamie Lannister's new leather jacket makes me think they had some sweet prog rock bands back then
@MrMikeLobikis @AndyRichter Oh no, my whole feed is devoted to praising rapists! Don’t you read?
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*s•l•i•d•e w•h•i•s•t•l•e d•o•o•o•w•n*⤵️ pic.twitter.com/pktAyxJxbW
Also, Hulk still inspiring people to be their best, brother pic.twitter.com/iYp7d6xcl4
You married yr sister & your mom is preg? “@HulkHogan: Great Easter w my beautiful wife Jennifer looking foward to our future brother. HH”
OMG THEY'RE BOTH SO COMMITTED TO SHIT THAT DOESNT MATTER! RT“@WeddingPornx: This is so cute 😅 ,pic.twitter.com/gmTzjO4te00”
Terry Richardson gave you exactly the depraved, exploitative images you craved, you fucking scumbags. Don’t get up on your high horses now.
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Imagine how much more simple it would be if you could just like all the things you're supposed to like
honey, i'm not sure how to tell you this *slams jim morrison poster on table* apparently our kid is an asshole
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Yeah, it's 4/20, so yeah, I'm smokin'...a HAM! Ha ha! This is a joke tweet, but srsly, He is risen & whatever
Those Kia Morpheus ads mainly just remind me what a pompous overblown jerk-off the Matrix is
Happy Easter! RT“@madmonarchs: Alois Hitler (1837-1903) never called his son Adolph by #name, but whistled for him as if he were a dog.”
Shout to white people who always mention someone's race when telling a story even when it has nothing to do with the story
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Moses says,"He revealed his Word to my mind." How conveeeenient
Only time I get offended by something on TV is when I'm expected to believe that anyone has an opinion about a particular local news team
Fuck that shit, I'm takin the elevator RT“@Inspiring9: , pic.twitter.com/8eauF2Q08z
"Nerd" used to be an insult. Now it's something you call yourself when you want to be congratulated for having interests.
Retweeted by Andy Richter