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Albert Brooks
filmmoviesauthor 562,260 followers
Very worried about my Icelandic volcano timeshare
Not allowed to RT compliments, but thx! RT @ABeckr: 50 pages into 2030 by @AlbertBrooks incredibly good. Frightening, but very good.
Congrats to Iraq for retaking the Mosul dam. With dilligence, perservenace, and our air force they can do wonderful things.
It breaks my heart that Robin was in that much pain.
Shocked by the news of Robin Williams passing. Rest in peace my friend
California in extreme drought. And yet the Pacific Ocean is 2 miles from here. Is salt really that hard to take out?
Мы просто приняли Альберт Брукс Twitter. Мы ненавидели Drive.
Just changed all my passowrds to 3043w590z9awo2391poiw93 Let the Russians figure that one out!
Russian gang steals over a billion passwords. That's why I just stick with 1234.
The reduction actually came in 2011 RT @asdddsyk6raf: This is what the great Albert Brooks is reduced to in 2014
Snapchat to be valued at 10 billion dollars. Wait. Where did it go?
Zillow buys Trulia for 3.5 billion. Even though the Zestimate was only 1.8 billion..
Just found out that a random act of kindness does not count if you buy something for yourself.
Kia seems to be employing dead people. ow.ly/zm60Q
Rupert Murdoch offers 80 billion for Time Warner. Plus an extra $45 a month for high speed internet.
Don't know who to cheer for in the World Cup finals. I guess Germany only because Argentina makes a lousy car.
World Cup finals!!!! Just think, if Adolph Eichmann were alive he wouldn't know who to root for.
I'm confused. I paid Liev Schreiber to tell those stories. RT @jimmyfallon: .@AlbertBrooks well...?
I'll be the judge of that RT @jimmyfallon: Fun @AlbertBrooks story told by Rob Reiner on show tonight. #FallonTonight
LeBron returns to Cleveland. Cleveland says "Great. Now can we go to Miami?"
Germany vs. Argentina in the World Cup Final. If Germany loses they can at least go there.
Without tooting my own horn this was CRIMINALLY underrated. Thank you. ow.ly/yKK8U
Just going to Hobby Lobby is contraception enough.
There are so many people on Twitter now that are offended by everything so to save time, fuck you.
Soccer has to be the only sport where fans are ecstatic when the team loses.
Even though I don't even know how soccer is played I have World Cup Fever.
The Washington Lobbyists RT @jaketapper: The Washington Buck-passers
Here's the link. Just watch this and then punch yourself in the face. ow.ly/yezmp
We need someone in Iraq who can control the insurgency, stand up to Iran, allow us to fly over...oh right, we killed that guy.
Back to Iraq. That was quick.
Redskins owner loses trademark protection but is still defiant. Says, "you'll have to Sioux me"
A great excuse if you need it. ow.ly/y7alE
I wish I loved hockey because it looks so damn exciting.
When can we officially say that going into Iraq was the worst idea the country has ever had?
Rumor: California Chrome drinking heavily today. Upset he had to wear that nose thing.
California Chrome owner is bitter and says "It's not fair to these horses." The horses say "This is the least of our problems"
Wanted to officially welcome @CIA to twitter. Please don't follow me.
Guess the people in this picture. ow.ly/xGIBj
The irony of this whole Clipper thing is that Donald Sterling, does, in fact, do Windows.
In the last 2 days five billion dollars was spent for headphones and a basketball team. What does the bible say about that?
Today is not about mattresses or car deals. It's about people who gave their life. Everyone misses you. 
People are so wonderful RT @HeidiL_RN: Stop politicizing deaths for your gun grabbing efforts ya sickfuck leftist
They're trying to get assault towing legal. RT @kwongpeter: Because we know how often AAA lobbies Congress to change towing rules.
Prada makes a lovely one. RT @AlexPazzo11: you sir, are a douchebag
This is why we're doomed. RT @evstok: He owned a car too. If he had decided to run over people would you blame AAA?
Psychiatric care for years, stated clearly what he was going to do, and legally owned three guns. Thanks NRA.
I would rather have Hillary with a damaged brain than Karl Rove with a perfect one.
Uber should merge with Airbnb so basically you could sleep in a car.
To Donald Sterling: As a member of humanity please don't talk anymore.