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Albert Brooks
filmmoviesauthor 568,300 followers
If it's not actually Halloween knocking on someone's door asking for candy doesn't go over well especially if you're over 50
My late father-in-law wrote a brilliant book which is out today a must read
Am not allowed to RT compliments but thx!RT @Rotorcaptain: @AlbertBrooks Just finished your book... Enjoyed it thoroughly.
If someone on that missing Malaysian flight had ebola CNN might just explode.
I could get in such trouble for revealing this but I have uncovered photos of the iPhone 12.
Invited Kim Jung-un to sushi. Never showed. Never called. I'm very worried.
The people attending the Obama function at Gwyneth Paltrow's house are going to be consciously uncoupled with their money
Just when I thought I was out of material I tried a little fracking and now have 3 new hours!
Plastic bags offically banned in California. Plastic faces and personalities are still allowed.
Secret Service and New England Patriots have one thing in common. Lousy tackling
Congrats to George Clooney. It's nice to see some people finally catch a break.
The IPhone 6 plus is perfect for me because my ass bends.
I rarely link to anything but this is just brilliant. Take a moment and see.
I'm returning the Buick
That last drive by Peyton Manning was so spectacular I'm buying a Buick
Until Alibaba makes a phone I can't take them seriously
Just downloaded iOS8. I have more hair now, I'm thinner and I can sing.
If Scotland breaks away from England can I still get that oatmeal I like?
Oh NO!!!!! What's next!!!!!
Already in line for the iPhone 7. I'm no schmuck.
When I see people crossing the street looking at their phones I wish Norman Rockwell were alive so he could paint that.
It's so hot in Los Angeles today I'm too tired to write the punch line.
Obama announces tonight there will be no boots on the ground. However we will be dropping millions of them from the sky.
I'm waiting for the Amazon watch.
Rumor: iPhone six will make its own friends its own calls you don't have to do anything
Read it and have given to organizations to help stop it. My question was more pondering, not literal. RT @SarahV2K: read #WhyIStayed
I understand the punishment for Ray Rice. I don't understand that the woman married him after that.
Would you buy a Lincoln from Mathew McConaughey? Just asking.
We are definitly not alone in the universe however the other inhabitants most likely hate us.
Joan Rivers was a huge presence in American comedy forever. She was one of a kind and will be a great loss to all who loved humor. R.I.P.
I'm confused. If you take naked pictures inside of Home Depot, they're going to be posted?
Those naked pictures of the actresses are outrageous and unacceptable. How do you find them?
Burger King: Extra cheese. Extra pickles. Hold the taxes.
Looks like Burger King is having it their way.
Can't wait for when Samsung sells a kit that lets you straigten out that curved tv.
I bet no one in ISIS can tell you who won the Emmy for best supporting actor in a comedy.
Very worried about my Icelandic volcano timeshare
Not allowed to RT compliments, but thx! RT @ABeckr: 50 pages into 2030 by @AlbertBrooks incredibly good. Frightening, but very good.
Congrats to Iraq for retaking the Mosul dam. With dilligence, perservenace, and our air force they can do wonderful things.
It breaks my heart that Robin was in that much pain.
Shocked by the news of Robin Williams passing. Rest in peace my friend
California in extreme drought. And yet the Pacific Ocean is 2 miles from here. Is salt really that hard to take out?
Мы просто приняли Альберт Брукс Twitter. Мы ненавидели Drive.
Just changed all my passowrds to 3043w590z9awo2391poiw93 Let the Russians figure that one out!
Russian gang steals over a billion passwords. That's why I just stick with 1234.
The reduction actually came in 2011 RT @asdddsyk6raf: This is what the great Albert Brooks is reduced to in 2014
Snapchat to be valued at 10 billion dollars. Wait. Where did it go?
Zillow buys Trulia for 3.5 billion. Even though the Zestimate was only 1.8 billion..
Just found out that a random act of kindness does not count if you buy something for yourself.
Kia seems to be employing dead people.