For all the cynics out there who think sequels can't surpass the original, haven't seen Home Alone 4.
"I wear the same pair of pants for two years without washing them." "You have more than one pair!?" - #tweetsfromthe1800s
IQ test: If there were 10 days in a week and 7 weeks in a year, how much money are you gonna give me for Christmas?
(A kajillion Zimbabwe dollars...that's like 50 cents US) but still I freakin want some ice cream!!!
I will pay someone a kajillion dollars right now to bring me some Ben and Jerry's half baked. (I think I'm on my period)
There's gonna be so many sick people when he comes back! He's gonna be like what the hellsies? I'm gone for 2 days and look at this mess!
Since Obama's out of the country today that means theres no Obamacare and its like The Purge and we can sneeze on as many people as we want!
Guys mmmkaaaayyy!! I freakin tried Everything mmmkaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!! IM GONNA THROW THIS SLINGBOX OFF THE BALCONY MMMKAAAYYYY!!!
Mmkay...guys...not a sponsored tweet mmkayyy...im about to take a hammer to the slingbox Cuz I can't get the GD ir blaster to work mmkay...
Why would anyone play the knockout game? Why does nobody play the hug game? Or the, "Hey stranger, how can I make ur life better game?"
Awww u in trouble now... a lil wine, a lil cheese, and a guitar. I'm bout to write you a Christmas song homie.
"Cant even describe the time u wld have had. Im hving the most awesome descuction with a tranny right now. You are a fool" - text I just got
If I was going to be kidnapped by barbarians n I had to kill myself so I didnt get raped, 90% sure an attempted caffeine overdose would fail
Acting tip #47: if an actor isn't doing it right, make them watch you say their lines the right way.
HOOOOLLLY BEGEEESUS. I just accidentally turned on the garbage disposal instead of the light in the kitchen and I think I peed a little.
I'm about to go to war. My heart and soul vs my body. My body wants to be lazy, slow, weak. I will break it. This is how I #workout
Acting tip 38: for crying scene poke ur eyes out before each take
imagine the day that droney will come back home with a gf, and then she'll say she's pregnant and that droney is the dad
And if amazon ever comes a
Looking for droney I'll say he's mine I raised him and ... I'm so bored
When droneys a teenager he'll back talk n I'll say watch ur mouth droney and hit him and he'll fire his laser and I'll say ur grounded 4ever
And I'll take walks with droney and teach him tricks and we'll laugh together and I'll say no droney stop ur tickling me hahaha stop droney!
I can't wait till the first time Amazon delivers me somethin with a drone cuz I'm gonna capture that thing and name it and make it a pet.
I guess when you're up, you're up...congrats to Miley on her new Nerf deal. pic.twitter.com/PHyh9foizO
That still means ur cool and awesome right?
Does it still count as being fashionably late when ur just going to meet one person and it's at a breakfast place and their coffee's empty?
It was like a Michael Jackson meets Wizard of Oz meets David Blain "I can do the robot/hover on one foot without falling" wizard dance move
This is shapin up to be an awesome day just got caught bustin a dance move n the elevator wasn't even a little one couldn't even play it off
I hate when I wake up and somehow my hair looks like I just came from a magical salon except for one spot on top so I have to wet it all
I watched him laugh at the movie playing on his iPad with quiet rage as his hair blew gently across my face in the breeze of the plane's AC
But really it was just that fact that he cranked his seat back and did leg presses until my knee caps fused with the plastic tray table
I was so worried this plane would go down n theyd find half my skeleton inside the guy in front of me and think something fishy was going on
If u want to read the article :) RT @Yanni323
: Exclusive Cover Story: Alan Ritchson - daman.co.id/exclusive-cove…
: Alan Ritchson Bares Ripped Shirtless Body for 'Da Man' Mag!: @alanritchson
is looking hot hot hot! goo.gl/fb/JYTcz
Not feeling very good about myself. Must be the extra holiday pounds but the TSA didn't touch any of my private parts like normal :(
The best way I've found to start eating better after the holidays is to finish all the pies in one sitting so you have no more pie.
I'm sorry to anyone who thinks I'm following them on instagram. My instagram is aritchson. I'll follow you in real life to make it up to you
I'm wondering why more people don't honk, follow me within inches and flick me off when they're not in their car?
I know that dude heard me the first time.
At an ice cream drive thru and I asked for the "pink poodle fruit sundae". He didn't hear me and made me say I want the pink poodle again.
High school playoff game Niceville Eagle fo life yaaaalllll... makes me feel prepubescent and single all over again. pic.twitter.com/wJHMgyPi4s
I've been trying to start a trampling all day. Right now I'm 0 for 43. One lady did kick me in the nutz though so that counts as a tie.
is on our Dec13/Jan14 issue. It'll be out on newsstands soon! #HungerGames #District1 #Gloss
Hahaha..They cut that take for some reason. RT @jessedamura
should have whispered "go goats" before he died in Catching Fire.
Whew... I'm back sorry about that... triptophan coma... and to all a good night!
Happy thanksgiving one and all and to all a gooojjkjhdhdz
So flattered everyone is having a feast for me on my birthday. I'm eating your turkey and pumpkin pie and purging w you in spirit.
Grozen!? RT @joshgad
: I have a new movie out today and it rhymes with Brozen.
HOWMANY CUPS OF COFFEE TIKLL THIS CAFFIENE HEADACHEGOESAWAY!!??!????
The same radio station just had a news break and said with a straight face, the winds last night took down some ladies Christmas lights.