Grow Your Twitter Free
Want To Grow Your Twitter?
We help other people find and follow you on Twitter.
Key Info:
Started in 2009
Over 4 million signups
Country targeting provided
We never auto tweet to your timeline
We never auto follow others
We actively moderate our community
Please Share
Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.  chrome

Alan Felyk

The-Can't-Afford-Favstar-Pro Tweet of the Day from @Love_bug1016. Married Life 101 explained. twitter.com/Love_bug1016/s…
Did you know you can still scroll twitter while wearing handcuffs?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I've reached that age where drinking all day but being sober by the time you go to bed STILL results in a hangover the next day.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Dudes named Gary say things like, "I wanna raw dog you, girl."
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
This lady* at Walmart was just standing in the canned goods aisle just talking to herself, like having a full conversation. *it was me :(
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Don't fuck with me because I will make you pay** bitch. **writes slightly negative Yelp review under an anonymous name.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I'm ready to shank someone for their wifi password
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
If I wanted to follow you on Facebook, I wouldn't be on Twitter
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
When I'm driving my hands are always at 10 & 2 unless I'm tweeting then my knee is on 6
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I'm going camping tonight and I have enough stuff packed to just go ahead and live there.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
But have you tried drinking your problems away? My therapy skills are top shelf. See what I did there?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
But WHY can't I be Samantha from Bewitched???
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Awwww, I love that picture of you in a g-string holding a baby.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
One time when we ran out of Fruit Roll Ups, mom sent me to school with a pair of edible underwear in my lunch.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Graffiti: "My mother made me a lesbian." Graffiti reply: "If I give her the wool, will she make me one, too?"
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I dreamt about new problems all night long. I should have stayed up and just waited for them arrive.
According to my period tracker app, you have 3 more days until I love you, hate you, try to murder you, and text you all of my feelings.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Relationship status- Plucking my own ass hair and picking my own back spots. Any takers.?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Top tip- Porn is a fucking lie. Plumbers aren't free and they definitely don't like it if you try to give them a blowjob.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
M-"Can't we just settle this like adults? "H- "fine okay" *clenches fist* *stares intensely* *raises fist* M-"Rock, paper, scissors"
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Go down a water slide without water and you'll understand why foreplay is so important.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Whenever I see a hot woman’s avi accompanied by a foreign language bio, I somehow don’t give a shit about what she has to say.
Before I kill characters in my novels, I make them plead for their lives first. Then I relent and rewrite the damn thing. #amwriting
Before you decide to unfollow, you might want to consider that I know one of the bus drivers who’s been hired for the Rapture.
“I feel so trapped by the decisions I’ve made.” —Typical presidential primary election voter
The best thing about this time of year is how by dinner time my sweating has caused my eyeliner to end up on my chin.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
You pulling on my heartstrings is only going to tighten the knots around your wrists and ankles.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
My life flashed before my eyes, and it was like watching a Cymbalta commercial.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Alcohol may intensify the texts.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
My handle on life is on the mop I use to clean away all the forensic evidence.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Im basically just sarcasm,with big tits and great eyebrows.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I left Twitter for four whole weeks once. Which is like 10 years in Twitter time.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
When she's also an attention whore, as well as an actual whore. - That
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
One persons morning foreskin tweet, is someone else's evening foreskin retweet. - the beauty of timezones.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Oh my god guys I think I have a date, It could be some other kind of dried fruit though, I'm not sure.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Okay, the McConaughey Lincoln commercials have officially become creepier than the 1st season of True Detective.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
An advent calendar for the election, but instead of candy, when you open the door a tiny orange hand pops out making the handjob gesture.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Hillary spent $200,000 to win KY. Doesn't she know you can just buy that stuff at Walgreens for like 7 bucks. 8 if you want 'splody bits.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Job Interview So what did you do at your last job? I made up imaginary people and fucked with them. Are you stuck on the imaginary bit?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I remember a vaguely racist joke from 4th grade where the punchline was "Ho de do! Ho de do!" Seriously, that's the reveal? #GOT
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Zika should come in a juice box, or be a Pokemon or a girl who does massage. It's just a stupidly cute name for a horrible disease.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
The only thing Donald Trump and I have in common is that neither of us believe a word he says.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Watching the CNN special on the 80s. I think I'm going to forgive myself for staying drunk that decade.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Your low expectations are right where I need them to be.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
It's not about what I'm willing to do for a Klondike bar, it's about what I'm willing to do for coffee, chocolate, or tacos.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
An exceptional relationship and incredible sex, all in one, is the equivalent to finding a unicorn. You hold on to that shit.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
When will I mature enough to realize the benefit of trading off mind blowing sex for a mind blowing relationship?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people don't finish what they
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Oh well, I make myself laugh and that's what counts.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
 
Twiends uses the Instagram™ & Twitter™ API's, displays their logo's & trademarks, and is not endorsed or certified by them. These items remain their property.