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Alan Felyk
.@ss7goddess Exactly, Heather. Exactly.
.@LuvMySpades I have 21 people reading my current manuscript as I write it. Not only do they help clean it up, the question stuff. Big help.
.@craptard Yup, beautiful country down south.
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE: amzn.to/1drootb #FreeBook #LOL #Memoir
Writers don’t need to be great editors and proofreaders. They just need to know people who are. #amwriting
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE: amzn.to/1drootb #Free #Laugh #Memoir
Scientists: Men who prefer large boobs tend to be poorer. Bra humbug.
If 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE, I will donate $100 to @RedCross: amzn.to/1drootb #HilariousMemoir
.@eBookDaily Thanks so much for listing my book in your daily selections. You folks are just super!
"Damaged Right Out Of The Box" by @AlanFelyk is highlighted in today's #free #kindle #ebook selection: ow.ly/Dwxd0
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE: amzn.to/1drootb #Free #Funny #Memoir
I click on every link that’s sent to me via DM. And I use my Ebola haz mat suit as a shower curtain.
My boss is an expert in hindsight. It's so inspiring.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I'm left only to imagine that Pig-Pen must have come from a very broken home. A very broken home indeed.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
.@Zazoh Thanks so much, Brian. I hope you like it. Let me know me what you think of it.
.@web_supergirl I could call it Damaged Cojones.
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE: amzn.to/1drootb #Funny #Memoir #Free
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE: amzn.to/1drootb #Funny #Giveaway
As a rule, I find night owls to be a real hoot.
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE: amzn.to/1drootb #Humorous #FreeBook
If 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE, I will donate $100 to @RedCross: amzn.to/1drootb #Memoir
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE. amzn.to/1drootb #FreeBook #AmWriting
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE. amzn.to/1drootb #eBookGiveaway
The reason that Schindler kept a list was that he once came home from the store without the milk.
.@DorothyMo2 Thanks so much, Dorothy. Let me know what you think of it. @RedCross
.@onlinemajority NEVER, EVER acknowledge that you know me. No good can come of that.
.@PepeLasVegas Thanks so much, Craig. Let me know what you think of the book. Even if you don't like it.
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE. amzn.to/1drootb #Memoirs #Kindle #eBook
If 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE, I will donate $100 to @RedCross: amzn.to/1drootb #free
If you unfollow me, I unfollow you AND send a pox upon both your houses. So ask yourself … is it really worth endangering your summer home?
If 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE, I will donate $100 to @RedCross: amzn.to/1drootb #Memoir #bookgiveaway
If 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE, I will donate $100 to @RedCross: amzn.to/1drootb #freekindlebook
All right, you drug me into the name game. So here it is: Sylvia.
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE: amzn.to/1drootb #freebook
I will donate $100 to @RedCross if 1,000 people download Damaged Right Out of the Box FREE. RT to help: amzn.to/1drootb
Fame status: I take pictures of the paparazzi. #amwriting
“Avoid alcohol—it intensifies the effect of the painkiller.” How my doctor encourages me to drink more.
For every album, The Barenaked Ladies record one song in the nude. Don’t even ask what the Butthole Surfers do.
I'm the reason some stores have a "no food or drink" policy.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Las Vegas casinos don't have clocks hanging on walls. After all, there are no time limits on being flat broke.
If it doesn't come up in a background check, that means it never happened, right?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
A drunken Sunday so good, my red solo cups inspire you to sing a shitty country tune.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
You can tell a lot about a new neighbor by how they react when they find you hiding under their bed.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I could be your best friend. You really don’t know who I am because of Twitter’s anonymity.
If by "manicure" you mean using my nail clippers on my porch while my neighbors awkwardly watch in horror, then yeah, I get manicures a lot.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk