Grow Your Twitter Free
Want To Grow Your Twitter?
We help other people find and follow you on Twitter.
Key Info:
Started in 2009
Over 4 million signups
Country targeting provided
We never auto tweet to your timeline
We never auto follow others
We actively moderate our community
Please Share
Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.  chrome

Alan Felyk

People tend to leave me alone when I walk around pushing an empty stroller.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Potseed and Funzee - "Happy Daze" characters
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
*reads your tweet twice,still doesn't get it, quotes the retweet with an inane comment*
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Got my new adult coloring book today. I bought an amazing color by number. Just in case you were wondering how exciting my life is.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
People who live close to a good bakery should have nothing to complain about.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
*completes dissertation* *writes AF in the end*
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
There's still no eating-in-bed emoji.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Marriage: because apparently, there's a right kind of crazy.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
“I love you.” —Something that people say until they don’t.
I wish there were a duct tape emoji. Someone get on that.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Shut the door, drop ur pants, climb on top and satisfy your needs *toilet sext
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I need to stop sniffing my finger when I leave that gas stations bathroom, I just really like how that soap smells.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
The water pressure in my shower was terrible this morning. It felt like four guys peeing on me and one of them really wasn't into it.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
When I'm sad my dog licks my face because she can't hold a boombox outside my window.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
[keeps slapping empty glass ketchup bottle until the entire cafe is silent]
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Ninja Throwing Stars are just angry Post-it notes.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Most of my friends are getting married and having kids and I'm still giving head in cars.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I just had the best idea for a reality show. I call it "Catswap". Cat people swap cats for a week.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
sorry but my husband won't let me pick up hitchhikers I mutter every time I drive by hitchhikers 🚙 🚶🏼🏃🏼🚶🏼👍🏽
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
People in NY who order Domino's Pizza are monsters.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I wanted to trade lives with my dog until I realized she can't hold a vibrator.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Oh no, tell me more about your podcast. *rolls eyes forever*
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I put the ordinary in extraordinary.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
5 year plan? I havent even planned this sentence volcano.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Your demons? You mean your couch and the internet??
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I've never been too depressed to eat.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I used to write tweets about a weird stoner dog, but they just laid there and did impressions of Homer Simpson.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Misery doesn't love company. It just needs a hug from a loved one, then wrapped in a blanket, and brought a bowl of chicken soup & crackers.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
any time spent away from a clock is time well spent
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I'm "feels crippled after a night of dancing" years old.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I was molested my a group of lesbians last night. I'm not gonna lie, it was a highlight of the evening.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Relationship Goals: Listen to Van Morrison with me and spank me when I'm being an asshole.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I'm not really caring now. I'm just sort of fake caring in case I feel like real caring again later.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
When you get enough followers your trolls just fight with each other.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
He's not speaking to me and I hadn't noticed... Happy days
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
My only plan is to stay drunk for 24 hours straight. I've earned it.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
FACT: Your ability to succeed in the world decreases by 50% with each missing tooth.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Empty, broken promises are like broken condoms. Once you break them you're fucked ....
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
*waits forever for people to understand my sense of humour* *stops caring*
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Daughter: Why don't your curl your eyelashes? -I used to, but I'm not a whore anymore.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
When company comes over I throw a bunch of empty Tupperware bowls w/ lids on them in the fridge to make it look like I have my shit together
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
🎤 sunshine on my shoulders gives me freckles
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
I will have a giant pot of beet water that is begging to dye something pink. And I can't figure out what that should be. Life is hard.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
Just watched 12 different porn gifs and not a single fuck was given. I'm officially useless.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
*Cars drive down my street* Me: Can you not?
Retweeted by Alan Felyk
 
Twiends uses the Twitter™ API, displays it's logo & trademarks, and is not endorsed or certified by them. These items remain the property of Twitter.