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Alan Felyk
writing sport books comedy 130,169 followers
How many beers before I forget I have a head cold? 4. The answer is 4. Ok now it's 5.
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  1h
“Don’t need no credit card to ride this train.” —Huey Lewis, who obviously had never been on #Amtrak.
  1h
I'm not a ball buster. They need to look their best for my trophy case.
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  2h
Go #follow @MissSummerland if you like steamy and mysterious writing. And go like her FB page: facebook.com/missgardensumm…
  6h
Your absolutely right, @LuvMySpades. I'm just taking into account the typical Madison Avenue hyper-exaggeration.
  7h
Making things even harder than they need to be. —New slogan for #Cialis
  7h
I’m a frequent participant in Throw Your Back Out Thursday. #ThrowBackThursday
Some think that in the song “The Kill,” the group #30SecondsToMars is singing “marry me” instead of “bury me.” Same difference, no?
We certainly can't rule out that possibility, @Kvenya.
I love how much my dogs think they'll like Indian food.
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The reason I #follow is that, as the Corruptor of Civilizations, I had to start somewhere.
Man I'd kill to be as good of a pacifist as Gandhi was.
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If the Justice Department truly cared about #Monopoly, it would start with the bullshit that goes on with #Boardwalk and Park Place.
The Tour de France would be more entertaining if they all rode Big Wheels.
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if your top three tweets are the only thing recited at your eulogy... would you be okay with that?
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#TacoTuesday Testimonial for @DrDweezil ...Rock on, dude. Rock on.
When people ask who my #carrier is, I tell them it’s Typhoid Mary.
A bee landed in my lap while I was driving. Luckily I kept my cool. I'm a little dizzy and skinned up from rolling on the pavement though.
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Chipotle cashier told me to have a burritoful day and now everything is tacotastic in my world.
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I thought about putting a camera on my dog’s head, but who wants to watch him lick his balls all day? Yes, I KNOW you do, Dave.
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If Manhattan were being purchased today from Native Americans, #WallStreet would offer them the #anal variety of beads.
“Remember when you took your girlfriend to a sit-down #restaurant? Tell me what that was like.” —Guys who can’t get a second #date
I'm not bipolar, I'm just really nice for only 60 seconds at a time.
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World War I began 100 years ago today. When it will end, nobody knows.
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Don't ever ask me to borrow my curling iron again if you're gonna keep giving it back covered in lube, Mee Maw.
Retweeted by Alan Felyk