he is the man of the house twitter.com/jairafarala/st…
ben affleck's full name is ben as fuck fleck
i saw a thread about this bizarre racist dingus tweet, then i looked at the replies to the original and it plays so well as a setup and punchline
I know these lyrics better than I know how to count to 10 twitter.com/litjams/status…
Was today a test? Because I feel like it was a test and I didn't even put my name on it....
Do yourself a favor and don't settle for anything that doesn't bring you ultimate happiness
Somalia has suffered its deadliest single blast. At least 189 people were killed and more than 200 injured by a truck bomb in Mogadishu.
A beautiful woman said hi to me at the store and I panicked and said Merry Christmas.
things I would say ALL THE TIME were I a Mysterious Widow:
-how terribly kind of you
-richard LOVED the water
-i can't, i'm wearing gloves
I have been sitting on my #MeToo
contributions all day because dismissing my experiences of harassment as 'not that bad' is second nature
Grandma, I'm about to drop some real knowledge on you #psychologysaysisdumb
My friends don't even respond to me in our group chat. . . twitter.com/shahday_/statu…
If I ask you on a date just say yes. Worse comes to worse you get a free marg and dinner. I know I'm ugly. That's what the margs for
FALLing in love with myself (bc no one else will) 🍁🍂🍃🍁🍂🍃🍁🍂
You'll find Mr. Right one day!
First of all, ...nevermind.
How a corn dog get her pregnant twitter.com/blendedunivers…
my 12 y/o self is jealous of sophie turner bc she’s marrying joe jonas
my 23 y/o self is jealous of joe jonas bc he’s marrying sophie turner
My life is farrrrr from perfect but that's totally okay today
Please enjoy this very good 1947 postcard I found in an antique shop today.
IT WAS THE 14th OF OCTOBER AND THAT TSHIRT OFF YOUR SHOULDER I WAS DRUNK SAID I WAS SOBER AND YOU SAID YEAH RIGHT WE WERE TALKING FOR A MINU
In my "ironically called someone dude but now I can't stop" phase
THATS THE POINT OF THE FUCKING BOOK twitter.com/aldotcom/statu…
I'm in a fully committed relationship with myself
Don't you hate it when strangers on flights want you to share your snacks?
It’s big/lil season & UPD just got their matches 💗💗�zkI8
Kanye West working on Good Life in the studio.
yea your booty is nice but how thicc is your love for the environment
The best part of life is that it's always changing and the worst part of life is that it's alllllllways changing.
American Horror Story: Coven, premiered 4 years ago today.
The day I'm able to come into work in a ball cap and ripped jeans is the day I'll look like I didn't get dressed in the dark.
Terry Crews is 6’3 240lbs and he was scared to speak up about his sexual assault. Now ask yourself why a 5’1 125lbs woman wouldn’t be scared
so I want to remind you... you are not crazy, you are not dramatic, you are not stupid, you are not worthless, & most importantly YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
“This is the longest week ever” -me on a Monday night
Are they bowling to earn soup or bowling on behalf of soup
1) This is a former Staff Sergeant and Calvary Scout. He is in Puerto Rico. He's telling you the truth. FEMA and POTUS are lying to us.
Two of the biggest regrets we can have are "chances not taken" and "words not spoken"
Puerto Rico is facing more flooding and still without electricity and here we are, walking out of sporting events taxpayers paid for. Yikes
Monday morning got me feeling like
it..it’s 69 degrees in Nice right now
making someone smile is one of the best feelings in the world
Just told someone on the phone "Have a good evening." ITS NOT EVEN NOOOOOON
as long as you're living and loving, you're doing life right