Jeff πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦

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Kraftwerk but with a dancing bosstone
my family's enthusiasm seems to be tailing off on day two of Father's Week
Also, my wife said "someone is dancing with an inflatable hotdog on their shoulders... wait, sorry, it's a baby."
Before you crown "Best Dad Ever" please know I just went to dinner where a Grateful Dead cover band was playing and I didn't (audibly) complain once.
the pets dot com puppet was caught scaling the white house fence
Was at a graduation party and a mom referred to White Claws as White Clams πŸ˜„
Ugh. There are a bunch of very angry nerds protesting in front of my Delaware Ave megayacht because I froze all WigCoinπŸͺ™ withdrawals due to unusual liquidity pressures.
*you swiftly move across the store and pick up a record with interesting cover art* *me crashing down from the ceiling ductwork * "COLORED VINYL IS FUN TO LOOK AT BUT THE SOUND QUALITY IS NOT OPTIMAL DUE TO THE EXTRA CHEMICALS NEEDED..."
*you in a record store for first time in a while starting to flip through some vinyl* "Hmm" *me covered in dust popping up through a crate directly in front of you* "YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO CHECK OUT 'WOMAN TO WOMAN' ON THIS 1972 JOE COCKER RECORD IT WAS SAMPLED BY 2PAC AND..."
I think it's only natural for a dad to want to have a large son who can carry the large laundry basket up from the basement.
... this begs the classic question "Would you rather encounter 10,000 normal-sized mosquitos or one mosquito the size of a condor?"
🎡However I look, it's clear to see That I love typos more than you love me🎡
What should be the theme of the next Wig Out with Jeff episode?
... now wearing a turtleneck
Made the mistake of wearing a tank top in the house and my 14-yr-old daughter walked in the room and said, "What's up, Jersey Dad Freckle Arms?"
Just drank a LOT of Coke very quickly and I have now entered The Multiburps! guys, sorry, I'm really tired.
I wish the members of my high school punk band Froot Loops and I had a very litigious falling out so when I form a new version of the band I'll be forced to call it something like Jeff Lyons' Froot Loops Experience.
I was just part of a seamless 4-person open-the-door, hold-the-door, pass-off-the-door with minimal acknowledgment at Wawa that would have made both Baryshnikov and @BohemianPatsody proud.
My family is begging me to give Seth Green the monkey nft I stole from him. I won't do it.
Pets are amazing. My dog can sense when I'm having a bad day and bark at me until I get her a treat.
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