Tom Cotter

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My uncle smoked 2 packs a day for 30 years and he eventually died of a throat issue. He was hanged. #smoke #hungmen
Thursday night at @DontTellMamaNYC! 🥰 😂 🎤 So excited. Make your reservations. Proof of vax and payment at…tNn@thisismaxcohenh@TomCotterComicm@KerriLouiseLaffaff
Retweeted by Tom Cotter
If Big Bird from Sesame street gave you a golden shower, would that be a bird bath? Asking for a friend.…
Friday night i’m doing stand-up in New York at stand-up New York @StandUpNY #nyc…
How long before the government starts using blow-guns to vaccinate the anti-vaxxers? #vaccine #mandates
If I have ever sent any of you an email, about anything, at any time, kindly delete it immediately. #grudenemails #Gruden #NFL
We've lost our minds and here is @TomCotterComic and his argument for the State of Common Sense. 🤣🤣
Retweeted by Tom Cotter
In the wake of the @Jon_Gruden scandal, G-mail is reporting a record number of email deletions across all seven continents. #Gruden #NFL #RaidersNation
Fun Fact...Occasionally America votes incorrectly...@AGT #agtfinals…
I have great respect for Whistle Blowers, and not just because my nickname is "Whistle". #facebookwhistleblower #60Minutes #instagramdisabled
I think my drinking water has lead in it because I'm gaining weight, and I just pissed a #2 pencil. #ouch #water
Hey @lorettaslaught1 I have been called a lot of things, but domestic terrorist is a new one. Kindly aim your venom at your intended target. #NOTME #Wrong…
Tom Brady changed his motto from LFG to FCSMF. I dig it.
Retweeted by Tom Cotter
I'm offended by the term "Mandate" because it is clearly sexist as both men and women are affected. Why not "Persondate" or "Theydate"? #mandate #CovidVaccine…
I stopped giving my clothes to charity when I saw a meth head wearing my High School lacrosse jacket. #charity
Tonight in Greenwich, CT...We're putting the FUN in Fundraiser with @janecondon
With Broadway Joe & Boomer at today’s Gig. #jets #NFL #ESPN…
Our dog Brady is female, but she identifies as Harvey Weinstein.…
Great club…Great crowd…Great time. @kellarsmagic…
Can't we water-board the boyfriend? I'll pour. #GabbyPetitoMissing #GabbyPetito
This weekend I'm @Kellarsmagic in Erie,
It was great to be back on @AGT in clear violation of the restraining order. #AGTFinale #AGT16…
Please watch @AGT Finale tonight (9pm EST) on @nbc. I'm nervous for @JoshBlueComedy and @GinaBrillon LET'S GO! #AGTFinals #AGT #comedy
This is @JoshBlueComedy & he may become the 1st comedian to win @AGT tonight! #agt #comedy…
Two great comics performed in the Finals of @AGT tonight. @GinaBrillon and @JoshBlueComedy could now use your votes. #AGTResults #AGTFinale
I have returned to the scene of the crime. Tune into the AGT finals on @nbc…
So great to see full stadiums for this 1st weekend of the @NFL #vaccinated #NFLTwitter
What kind of idiot gets on a NYC to LA flight on the 20th anniversary of 9/11? Hi, I’m Tom.…
We went out to dinner last night and I ordered in Italian, which was amazing because it was a Chinese restaurant. I should quit drinking.
I don’t play baseball anymore, but I still get caught stealing from time to time. #MLB #RedSox #Yankees
I tried Crossfit because Jesus had great abs. #fitness
The Cotters are in Manhattan this Saturday night.@KerriLouiseLaff @westsidecomedy #comedy
My aunt thought that Dunkin Doughnuts was a basketball team. #stupidity #related
My extremely funny friend @GinaBrillon has just moved on to the Finals of @AGT . Might this be the year that a comic finally wins? #vote #AGTResults #AGTsemifinals
The @TomCotterComic method from Michael Winslow. Do what the great people do. #AGT
Retweeted by Tom Cotter
I'm still required to do a lot of Social Distancing, but the judge calls it "Restraining Order" #COVID19 #vaccine
Anyone know how to cancel a timeshare in Afghanistan? #Afghanistan #Taliban #ISIS_K
That’s a wrap! 🎬 We had a successful first shoot for our new show, “Live From the New York Comedy Stage” at the great@GothamComedyy with our host@SusieEssmann & amazing stand-up acts@EJthecomicc@GinaBrillonn@TomCotterComicc
Retweeted by Tom Cotter
What's the lesson of Afghanistan? Maybe it's that everyone from the giant dorm room bitch session that is the internet should take a good look at what real oppression looks like. #Wokeistan #WakeUpCall
Retweeted by Tom Cotter
Sometimes my Voice Of Reason has laryngitis. #decisions #choices
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