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who says you can't come up with great tweets in 140 characters or less…
when you're eyeing the person across the room and your best friend tries to get their attention for you
me and the boys rolling up to the function
just dropped my sausage on my laptop 😩😩😩
We Veeps stick together. Jill and I, and all of the Bidens, are with you, Julia.
Retweeted by pumpkin pie joseph™
what is even happening in this picture
please respect my privacy at this time!!!…
when you read a tweet that's more than 140 characters long
drag him rih– gimme that 2020 fenty presidency…
Uh, Gary Cohn (who is worth several hundred million dollars) thinks it costs $1000 to buy a new car (or renovate your kitchen)
Retweeted by pumpkin pie joseph™
why do i have five different beverages on my desk right now
That brief moment between waking up and logging on to twitter
Retweeted by pumpkin pie joseph™
Shortly after Rihanna tweeted the White House finally waived the Jones Act
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i just sent this email about @lacroixwater out to our office manager and flagged it as high priority
Twitter is suffering what most shows do in their later seasons by introducing a bunch of characters no one really cares about
Retweeted by pumpkin pie joseph™
.@TwitterSupport hi there must be some sort of mistake i am a twitter POWER USER and i still only have 140 characters???
Me vs that annoying girl from high school who thought Machiavelli was a kind of pasta
Retweeted by pumpkin pie joseph™
my boss just dragged chipotle and its mediocre queso on nbc and tbh i am here for it!!!…
the best thing about fall (besides candy corn) are the pumpkin muffins starbucks sells i'm still unclear why this is a seasonal offering!!!
at least he can drive in saudi arabia now when he's over there bringing peace to the middle east…
when you live in dc and someone turns down your happy hour invite because they have to mow the lawn
Trump on difficulty of delivering aid to Puerto Rico: It's in the middle of a "very big ocean"
Retweeted by pumpkin pie joseph™
twitter is for concise commentary, not ramblings: my thoughts on why it's important twitter doesn't expand to #280characters (1/31)
how do you do fellow humans
trump finding out that twitter will increase the tweet limit to 280 characters
this tweet is so long i lost interest halfway through…
trump: i think we're getting really good marks for puerto rico response me:
when your ex says they're trying to cut down on carbs
wow trump's twitter has made the pivot to video…
me owning and embracing my flaws
queen of providing affordable healthcare…
can robots run for president
can we PLEASE wait until the final season of game of thrones i did not follow this franchise for two decades to have it end like this
was looking for a decade-old document on my laptop earlier and i came across... a mapquest pdf. 😷😷😷 simpler times!
how do you change the difficulty setting on tinder
sunday night challenge: ignoring serving sizes on my frozen pizza
this is the saddest thing i've seen all day
.@realDonaldTrump: free tweet idea for you - "the art of the kneel" - you're welcome in advance
Sometimes I dwell on the fact we elected a president who has "real" in front of his twitter handle
Retweeted by pumpkin pie joseph™
the only chips left in the variety pack are fritos 😩😩😩 i'd rather starve
"and then he decided to tweet out – i am serious here – curry, you are disinvited!!!"
when my tweet gets 10 favs
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