Kenyan Memes 🇰🇪
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Web3Capital 
Adar Poonawalla 
New Thinking 
I hate seeing people older than me standing in matatus so I pretend to be asleep.
A little boy was in a bus eating chocolate. Aman next to him said "Do you know that too much of it will damage teeth?" The boy replied "my grandfather lived for 132yrs" the man asked "was it because of eating chocolate?" The boy replied "no, he was always minding his own business
Siku moja utapata Chemists zote zimefunga na utakuwa mzazi. Ni wewe ndo naambia, wewe!
Nimezunguka Nairobi yote na sijawahi pata stage ya Turkana, Ama wao hufly?
Hao watu ni wakonde ata maybe wanatravel na pipeline.
What are some of the things becoming clearer as you get older?
Academic excellence and financial prosperity are two separate things.
Unasoma sana ukiinua kichwa unapata watu wako na pesa wewe uko na makaratasi.
Not everything I post is my situation. Sometimes I post your situation, on your behalf.
This year don't pretend you don't like Valentine's day because your boyfriend said he doesn't believe in it. Get someone else to do it.
This is not even my problem now, my problem is, the person who I went for financial assistance is brushing his teeth 🪥 with salt 🧂
Friend: Wow! You got thinner. What's your diet?
Me: Poverty
Mimi tangu nikunywe maji ya ndimu kwa hoteli kumbe ilikuwa ya kunawa, sinanga maoni.
Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.
Mbona waluhya wanapenda kuitwa kwa wingi?
Wafula badala ya Mfula
Wanjala instead of Mnjala.
The most disturbing thing about accidentally waking up at 4am is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.
NIKIFIKA HOME NITAJIKAZA WASIJUE KAMA NIMELEWA
Mom: Ndio Umerudi?
Me: Yes Baby.
Kenyan Terminologies:
1. Mama - Huyu alikuzaa.
2. Mamaa - Huyu anaweza kuzalia.
3. Mumama - Huyu ukizaliwa alikuwa amezaa.
4. Kamamii - Huyu ni karembo fulani.
5. Mathe - Huyu ni plug wa vitu unahitaji.
6. Kamama - Huyu ni ule wa fitina kwa ploti...dirisha yake ina face gate.
Me as a lawyer:
"My lord don't shout at me, it's a person I came to defend! I'm not the criminal"
"Do you keep your money in your bank or at home?"
Me: In my memories.
Kambas will comfortably sit down and call someone 'Ndoloka' na saizo mtu ukiangalia ID anaitwa 'Dorcas'.
Ever since I was a toddler I grew up knowing that my mum's name was 'Mbitwe' up until I realized her real name is 'Beatrice'.
Nikikumbuka 25th nilikuwa napanguza kiti na chapati naishiwa nguvu.
We know it's January but don't include us in your cabbage problems, we still have meat.
Me: Nikopeshe mkate
shop keeper: Mkate zimeisha
Me: Basi nipee hiyo 50 nikaangalie hapo mbele
The way you're broke right now, if your girlfriend leaves you for a rich man, go with her.
When your friend is a Radio Presenter and he knows your secrets, then you hear him on-air saying; "So there is this friend of mine"
Boy: Nikutafute Lini Baby?
Girl: Wewe Tafuta Pesa tu Mambo ya Kunitafuta Waachie Polisi
How Kikuyus will call Francis, Furanjethi, and be okay is what defeats me.
We have an auntie called Kadhii only to find out her name is Dorcas So 'Kadhii' ni short form ya Dorokadhii.
I have another aunt called "Dufura". I learned as an adult that her name is actually "Deborah".
A clever woman does not take seriously the promises of a naked man.
Bank Teller: Your account is overdrawn.
Me: Well so are your eyebrows, but here we are.
Nobody is busier than a person not
interested in you.
"Let me close the fridge. I'll call you
back"
When Portuguese first introduced Maize to Kenya
Luhyas: Weye ndiye Messiah aki!
Peer pressure making some of you get pets. Now look at you in this economy, you and your pet haven't eaten since morning.
Ukiona wanaume wawili wanargue, ako kenye hakana ndevu ndio kachokozi.
Brain cell 1:Itisha soup na chapo..
Brain cell 2:Sema supu na chapo.
Kamau 's mouth: Niletee kachufu na sapo.
Pretty face - no nyash
Nyash - stone face
Nyash and face - no brains
Nyash, face & brains - kichwa ngumu
Hupati zote kwa mtu mmoja.
Dear singles... I sell chairs in case you want to settle down.
WOMEN'S MAGAZINES
Page 14: You're beautiful just the way you are.
Page 15: How to lose weight fast!
Page 16: Cake recipe
When I get to work, the first thing I do is hide.
Because they say a good worker is hard to find!
Kuna mwizi amechapwa hapa Nairobi akasema yeye ni yesu amerudi kama mwizi, nimeacha akipelekwa mtoni atembee juu ya maji.
Get a woman who will always be by your side. Even at the hospital... after she has sent you there for something wrong you did.
Kama wewe ni MC mkiwa sherehe pale Somalia usiwahi sema "leo zinalipuka!"
All the Algebra you did in school and you still can't understand Y your X cheated on you.
Hio urembo unatafuta na make up kuna dame mkamba alizaliwa nayo.
If thieves break into my house right now and start searching for money, I'll join them.
Kama umeona muislamu DJ ama wajaluo twins ama mluhya akitapika, nimeamini umeona mengi.
When your parents say "we need to talk" every single thing you've done since birth crosses your mind.
That awkward moment when you are busy reading this paragraph and find out that there is no awkward moment but you are still reading and continue thinking there would be something useful but it turns that you wasted a few seconds of your life, thank you.!
Umewatch movies mingi, unajipata umenyonga caretaker kwa stairs usiku ukidhani anakufuata alafu unamuuliza "who do you work for?"
Siku moja ingia tu kwa pub na ushout, "Bibi yako anakuja", ujionee drama.
If her phone rings and she says "Sasa huyu anataka nini? “ that's him, your teammate.
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