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Me: I hate being poor & fat Also me: *eats bodyweight in baba ganoush whilst waiting for dinner
1999: Playing Pokemon on the sofa while watching Robot Wars. 2016: Playing Pokemon on the sofa while watching Robot Wars AND DRINKING BEER.
Retweeted by Joel
"Did you get my text earlier?" Option 1: No? When did you send it? Option 2: I was just about to reply Option 3: My phone's been weird today
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Ivanka Trump Shows Off Pregnant Belly That Better Not Have Muslim Inside
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Britain is so radicalised my Muslim decorator wouldn't start work until all the furniture wore a Burka #TrumpFacts
Retweeted by Joel
(707): He's hot, kinda sweaty, drunk smells like feet, but he's hung like a whale. So in other words, totally your type
Retweeted by Joel
bit of a crush on pia mia tbh
Nothing is going to get me thru this all day shift except the knowledge that at the end of the day it's time for P O P W O R L D
I'm only into really old guys so actually when I look at David Beckham I still wonder if he'll turn out handsome.
Retweeted by Joel
Hope my friends are having a great time in London for #Pride2015 today! xo
It's a BEAUTIFUL day to sit in a blackened room drinking beer and playing xbox
Lovely pitch from @myearlystory and their personalised children's books
Retweeted by Joel
Unsubscribe from unwanted emails & combine the rest into a single daily digest with @Unrollme.
Spent 86 hours in Wellingboro' Council today getting replacement voting papers after the bloody French post lost them #GE2015 #NotVotingUKIP
Is Hitler responsible for the USB stick?
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This is our "free press". The playthings of panicking rich moguls spreading fear to stop any threat to their power
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Let's all take a moment to applaud people like @joelpetey for getting there first, so people like me can never get rid of their under_score
Here are my Suggestion for the Name of The Royal Princess: 1. Jon 2. Jon 3. Jon 4. Jon 5. Biscuit
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BACK IN THE UK YAAAaaaaaas 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧
Want to watch an entertaining video featuring susu cat and the notorious Elliotts estate agents? @votesusu @YourSUSU
Retweeted by Joel
I'm Swedish this year #Eurovision
Found ACTUAL PG tips teabags here in an Indian shop in Rennes. Never been happier in my life
If @michellevisage wins, I'll fly over and make #DragRace UK happen! VOTE #CBBMichelle to WIN 6442411 (Mobile) 09020442411 (Landline) #CBB
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I followed 19484 Spanish people like 3 years ago to help me revise and I just can't understand shit on my timeline tbh
Ran out of mixer and made a reasonably nice compromise with super sugary super milky coffee tbh
1.33pm: Michelle has just walked into the kitchen in heels so high the rest of the housemates applauded her. #BBUKLive
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Feel sorry for the sound guy in charge of monitoring Marks mic who was just deafened by 90 seconds of ONE TWO THREE YES YES YES YES YES #scd
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Do you think that when Bruno Tonioli has a really satisfying poo he LEAPS from the seat spraying the cubicle with fecal matter? #scd
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Brushing toast crumbs off my tits is my favourite position in the bedroom.
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Why Calvin Harris tried to remix humanity
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Sending dull as hell snapchats to punish the friends who send shit snapchats
“I like the ad but I feel it’s missing a giant wistful orangutan” #imaginethemeeting
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I constantly forget that I am in France. Constantly. Is this a common expat thing?
Shout out to goats for making boss ass cheese
Eaten so much roast chicken, you could serve my next shit with spuds and gravy.
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Where's actually busy to go out in Northampton these days? :p
shout out to my hysterical 18 year old self…
Bored with the same old meals? Why not experiment with fusion cuisine?
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Had an amazing time at London Pride this weekend! Queen Conchita's performance was such a highlight :)
Hola @luis16suarez, si te quedaste con hambre vení a darle un mordisco a una BigMac ;)
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Sick of seeing that smug twat on telly with an half finished pint of ale #europeanelections #UKIP
Conchita's welcome home, Vienna Schwechat airport. HOW must that have felt having been bullied at school? #Eurovision
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Why did I think these were fried chicken ? ...I've never felt so fat
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No but a cup of tea after really spicy food though
So proud of Austria for winning Eurovision. You truly are the hope of Europe. I am proud to be LGBT. History has been made. #JoinUs
Retweeted by Joel
If you don't post our #eurovisionselfie we'll all cry lots @bbceurovision
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