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Comedy Central

PHONE: Has thousands of songs. ME: Listens to same 5 songs on repeat.
I have heard of women that aren't crazy, but I've also heard of Unicorns.
Heads you give me head. Tails you give me tail?
"I'm 14 and my boyfriend is 40, is that bad?" ''You spelled dad wrong."
Life would be so much easier if Wikipedia was considered a legitimate source.
What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae bra.
I eat everything when I'm bored."
A moment of silence for all the food we've dropped
You unfollow me because you're afraid of falling in love with me, I know.
Never trust stairs. They're always up to something.
Kate Upton Swimsuit Pics!! Things we learned about Kate Upton from her Vogue Twitter chat
I don't even get mad anymore, I expect bullshit from people.
School is pointless. English: We speak it. History: They're dead, get over it. Math: We have calculators everywhere. Spanish: We have Dora.
Twitter taught me how to use ">" and "<" better than math did.
' Single. ' Taken. Hungry ✔
Poppin bubbles in da water, like a fishy Wen we swim we do it right gettin squishy. Smokin seaweed on high tide, like G fish. Like a G Fish
95% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
'LOL' is the biggest lie on the internet.
Music is my drug, Youtube is my Dealer.
"K" is the shortest way to spell "f*ck Off"
Today's leg day at the gym went good, did 160kg at legpress. #Fitness #Legday
Tell me whats better then smoking a joint and listening to @SnakTheRipper 's music? NOTHING DAWG, NOTHING IS BETTER.
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