Egocentric: Person who believes he is everything you know you are.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Cutest Picture I've Ever Seen. 😻�j6
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. #quote
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. #quote
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.
"No woman,"... fb.me/1zw9XxYZR
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
A foursome approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the... fb.me/7cVbacsho
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts. #quote
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the... fb.me/7tfqxV3RN
Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.
Examine what is said, not who speaks. #quote
War does not determine who is right, only who is left. #quote
When a warming trend hit the Artic, scientists were assigned to watch glaciers in danger of splitting. Naturally,... fb.me/2dLWoRm42
Military justice: is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx
A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool. #quote
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their... fb.me/EvPkdew3
Optimist: Someone without much experience. #quote
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. #quote
Better: What we instantly feel when we realize our neighbor's problems are as bad as our own
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels... fb.me/6KJLGjxvp
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. #quote
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's... fb.me/3XZO2iDOx
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Counterfeiter: Individual who prints illegally what governments prints legally - Rudyh.
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.... fb.me/HQAzsRTH
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. #quote
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
The villager on his first trip to the city was waiting at a bus stop one morning. After some hesitation he asked... fb.me/2ePQNJx9M
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
An old salt was sitting at the bar on the wharf when a lady sits next to him and announces to one and all. "I'm a... fb.me/xCNykYoy
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did for years he... fb.me/x8ntPlNN
What do you do to keep your mental capacity on top every day? fb.me/8PUjFB2h8
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility. - Ambrose Bierce