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ΞSP

Me at 15: Ek baar Moon pe jaana toh banta hai At 20: Will do a solo Euro trip pakka. At 25: Uber pool lunga toh chappan rupaiye bach jayenge
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Therapist: "What do you look forward to on waking up in the morning?" Me: "Breakfast."
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[Uber driver does not speak a single word throughout the journey] Me: [rates 5 stars, ticks Excellent Conversationalist]
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The stunning 3D illusions of professor Kokichi Sugihara at Meiji Institute
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Twitter has taught me a couple things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.
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not giving a fuck is better than revenge
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All I want is a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. And wifi.
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Photographer ~ "Say cheese !" Girl ~ "Am dieting ! Can I say oats ?" . . . . and that is how the 'pout' was invented 😜
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I just found a peanut with three peanuts in it and sadly this made my day 100 times better.
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Do YOU know what your kids are saying? lmao = love mao lol = liquidation of landlords tbt = talkin bout theory fml = feeling Marx's love
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When the office water coolers get married.
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Janis Joplin’s 1964 Porsche 356C Cabriolet
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Never date someone your friend has dated, even if they say it's alright. There are seven billion people in this world; find someone else.
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Cats don’t meow to communicate with other cats—but to communicate with humans. So what exactly are they saying? on.natgeo.com/2vjmOTn
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5-year-old: Why are your eyebrows so big? Me: They keep me from getting brain freezes. 5: I want big eyebrows, too.
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I'm just glad the book isn't upside down for a change... twitter.com/parishilton/st…
There is nothing like the sound of a child's laughter to remind you that your apartment is haunted.
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Sex is cool and all....but have you had your back scratched for a really long time??
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"Traitor," I whisper to my heart as it stubbornly continues to beat.
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Don't forget to be completely unreasonable today.
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Happiness is momentary death is permanent choose wisely.
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Facebook: Essential oils. Snapchat: I'm a bunny! Instagram: I ate a hamburger. Twitter: THIS COUNTRY IS BURNING TO THE GROUND.
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A washroom is where grown ups go to cry
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Guy: Listen! I think they’re playing our song. Girlfriend: That’s a tornado siren.
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Shit. This is so silence of the lambs.. twitter.com/yoblackpepper/…
1 out of 4 people hate dogs. Avoid them by having only 3 friends.
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Fun fact: there's one like this in every city of Punjab.
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*Girls reaction even after getting 219/228 in final exam *Boys reaction even after getting 158/338
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When you can't find your phone on your bed.
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No, life doesn’t work in mysterious ways. We do and then we die.
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I told my mom she was invading my privacy and she told me I came out of her privacy
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wife: I am having an affair me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well
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"you're so quiet" actually i never shut the fuck up around people i am comfortable with but you are not one of those people
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Well now let's not pretend instant messaging wouldn't have seriously improved outcomes for this couple
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Spice up any Facebook comment with random quotation marks. "Congrats" on your baby. Congrats on "your" baby. Congrats on your "baby".
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where the fuck u going to with 35 euros twitter.com/dopescenery/st…
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Adult friendship = 2 people saying "I haven't seen you in forever! We should really hang out more" over and over again until one of you dies
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People who keep saying "halwa hai kya" as a symbol for something very easy, should try making halwa once.
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With social media, some live a life that's not theirs. Things look perfect on the outside. Don't live to please others.Get back to reality!
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Interviewer: you got the job Me: that's hot Bollywood: that's nepotism Media: that's hot HR: that's not cool twitter.com/kalyaniadhav/s…
if you don't know what to say, just be like "that's hot."
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