Me at 15: Ek baar Moon pe jaana toh banta hai
At 20: Will do a solo Euro trip pakka.
At 25: Uber pool lunga toh chappan rupaiye bach jayenge
Therapist: "What do you look forward to on waking up in the morning?"
[Uber driver does not speak a single word throughout the journey]
Me: [rates 5 stars, ticks Excellent Conversationalist]
The stunning 3D illusions of professor Kokichi Sugihara at Meiji Institute
Twitter has taught me a couple things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.
not giving a fuck is better than revenge
Synonyms for "I love you"
All I want is a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. And wifi.
Photographer ~ "Say cheese !"
Girl ~ "Am dieting ! Can I say oats ?"
. . . . and that is how the 'pout' was invented 😜
I just found a peanut with three peanuts in it and sadly this made my day 100 times better.
Do YOU know what your kids are saying?
lmao = love mao
lol = liquidation of landlords
tbt = talkin bout theory
fml = feeling Marx's love
When the office water coolers get married.
Cheeky Dunkirk memes
Janis Joplin’s 1964 Porsche 356C Cabriolet
Never date someone your friend has dated, even if they say it's alright. There are seven billion people in this world; find someone else.
Cats don’t meow to communicate with other cats—but to communicate with humans. So what exactly are they saying? on.natgeo.com/2vjmOTn
5-year-old: Why are your eyebrows so big?
Me: They keep me from getting brain freezes.
5: I want big eyebrows, too.
I'm just glad the book isn't upside down for a change... twitter.com/parishilton/st…
There is nothing like the sound of a child's laughter to remind you that your apartment is haunted.
Sex is cool and all....but have you had your back scratched for a really long time??
"Traitor," I whisper to my heart as it stubbornly continues to beat.
Don't forget to be completely unreasonable today.
Happiness is momentary death is permanent choose wisely.
Wtf is Outback Steakhouse planning
Facebook: Essential oils.
Snapchat: I'm a bunny!
Instagram: I ate a hamburger.
Twitter: THIS COUNTRY IS BURNING TO THE GROUND.
A washroom is where grown ups go to cry
Guy: Listen! I think they’re playing our song.
Girlfriend: That’s a tornado siren.
Shit. This is so silence of the lambs.. twitter.com/yoblackpepper/…
1 out of 4 people hate dogs.
Avoid them by having only 3 friends.
Fun fact: there's one like this in every city of Punjab.
Fake News. I shot them
*Girls reaction even after getting 219/228 in final exam
*Boys reaction even after getting 158/338
When you can't find your phone on your bed.
No, life doesn’t work in mysterious ways. We do and then we die.
This is how it starts lmao. twitter.com/pru_gumede/sta…
I told my mom she was invading my privacy and she told me I came out of her privacy
wife: I am having an affair
me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well
"you're so quiet" actually i never shut the fuck up around people i am comfortable with but you are not one of those people
Well now let's not pretend instant messaging wouldn't have seriously improved outcomes for this couple
Spice up any Facebook comment with random quotation marks.
"Congrats" on your baby.
Congrats on "your" baby.
Congrats on your "baby".
where the fuck u going to with 35 euros twitter.com/dopescenery/st…
Adult friendship = 2 people saying "I haven't seen you in forever! We should really hang out more" over and over again until one of you dies
People who keep saying "halwa hai kya" as a symbol for something very easy, should try making halwa once.
With social media, some live a life that's not theirs. Things look perfect on the outside. Don't live to please others.Get back to reality!
Interviewer: you got the job
Me: that's hot
Bollywood: that's nepotism
Media: that's hot
HR: that's not cool twitter.com/kalyaniadhav/s…
if you don't know what to say, just be like "that's hot."