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Joke Killer Whale

Christopher: “Forever and ever is a very long time.” | Pooh: “Forever isn’t long at all when I’m with you.”
Chip: “Mama, I thought you were mad at me.” | Mrs. Potts: “Even when I'm upset, I still love you more than anything in the whole world.”
Captain Hook: “If I were you, I'd give up!” | Peter Pan: “If you were me, I'd be ugly.”
Buzz: "I don't know what came over me." | Jessie: "Just go with it." –Toy Story 3
"Dying to know, scared to find out.",,
I hope you're not allergic to nuts. Because I'm gonna kick yours up into your throat.,,
Look between the lines. Read between the words. The most important things are left unsaid and unheard.,,
if your tweets have never offended anyone then you tweet like a little bitch,,
"rock, paper, take off all your clothes",,
"Imagine you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and when you answer, someone whispers ""Bless you"" and hangs up.",,
i don't know how to feel anymore,,
tbh there are literally like three people in the world who I can hang out with for more than four hours without wanting to strangle them,,
"if I can't be weird around you, we can't be friends",,
"Hey, welcome to Hollister. Would you like a gasmask, earplugs, or a flashlight?",,
my suicide note is just going to be my math homework,,
food and good are one letter apart. coincidence? i think not,,
deleting my school so I can focus on Twitter,,
Siri's on her period. She needs an iPad.,,
*lays down in bed* *forgot to turn the lights off* *has to pee* *remembers homework*,,
i had a better social life when I was like 8 years old than I do now,,
if I share my food with you that means I care,,
fuck racism make mixed babies,,
i miss those days when we all were friends,,
those girls who think every guy wants them... no,,
on a scale from 1 to 10 my social life is a -37,,
if you're going to unfollow me at least write me a goodbye letter first,,
i wish my friend's houses were connected to mine by secret tunnels,,
I'm the most stressed out laziest person ever. I don't even know how I do it.,,
without school its hard to remember what day it is,,
"If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else.",,
Being a virgin these days is something to be proud of. You're like a unicorn.,,
"Let's play house. You be the door, and I'll bang you all day.",,
School has stairs so you can throw yourself down them.,,
the problem with you is that you exist,,
everyone around me is in a relationship and I'm just here with my computer,,
before Twitter = Facebook before Facebook = MySpace before MySpace = Life,,
"If I forgive you once, don't fuck up twice.",,
"Every mother on earth gave birth to a child. Except my mother, she gave birth to a legend.",,
"I know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was.",,
"Lazy rule: If I can't find anything nice to wear, I'm not going.",,
"Are you mad? stay mad, because I don't give a fuck.",,
How do I block people in real life.,,
The difference between girl friend and girlfriend is that little tiny space they call the friend zone.,,
50 shades of text me the fuck back.,,
Fuck people's feelings. Why should you care about theirs if they don't care about yours?,,
How to get a woman mad in a second: Take a picture of her Don't show it to her,,
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?,,
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