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tbt to when my @mom thought that my blotting sheets were rolling papers & she tried to ground me
"I saw myself on camera today today and I was like 'damn I look good on camera'" - @brianbaldocchi, everybody 😐
hey guys enjoy your first last day of school adulthood sucks lol
finding @henryly0ns in the back of rando's instas is my fave pastime
Let the Lesbian moon lobster return to the sea, she controls the tides…
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I can’t be held responsible for every dreadful remark that escapes my mouth
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mom just sent me this pic of my sibs and I'm shooook
babies are so heavy. you have to carry that shit around all day? no thank you!!!
Did the one bad guy hit the other bad guy yet who did the most hits did we all lose
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teenagers are strange
I am very confused by this lil yachty concert
ponzu is the most underrated sauce don't even play
y'all are acting like you just found out tswift is the white devil
being on set is fun because all I do is eat breakfast potatoes and scowl
should've paid more attention to mrs. chase during her excel lesions
and he's out of town this week SO WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT
I only got a boyfriend so that he could open jars of tiny pickles for me
50% of girls feel paralyzed by fear of failure. Let's encourage girls to Keep Going #LikeAGirl! Thanks @Always.
only trump would exclude 'awful/life ruining' from his 'official' poll
stop following me my tweets trash
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plz refrain from @'ing me if u rave thx
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*by kids I meant dog kids
I don't know, I just have a feeling I'll be telling my kids (bless their hearts) about how I was at dave chappelle's show tonight
being a young professional sucks
it's so hard not to troll people on LinkedIn
what is a responsible sleep schedule and can I order it on Amazon prime
this toaster is the future
excited to announce that I'm accepting a position at NBC, even more excited to announce that @ralph_bavaro is going to be my intern!
sometimes I feel like bagel bites are more important to me than my family
so proud of our AHN alumna! go jags! 🙄…L
Who takes all the pictures of Instagram models looking cute just out and about and why won't these people stand up for themselves
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hello sirs n ladies - heading to chicago, LA, & SF. plz hang out with me bye
so we're all in agreement that trump is a modern day nero, yeah?
the summer of shook !!!!
ur #mcm is 70% water
mom just told me today that our cat died two weeks ago and honestly I've been shook all day #ripcat
living in a studio is pretty cool bc whenever I order delivery I pretend it's room service
my main reason for refusing to have kids is OH GOD WHAT IF THEYRE ALLERGIC TO DOGS
I like it when you like my tweets
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owner of the bar: did you just spend the last 30 minutes in the bathroom violently throwing up? me:…
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it's going well, haters
'unemployment' is a funny word for teaching my cat how to use the commode
so we can all agree that celery is objectively the worst thing ever, right?
all the feels, now im old and jaded and
loling, my first day of work ever was a shoot w him for RS and I had to comb the city for this flavor & a matcha sold only at one store…
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