I'm sorry. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.
But despite how meaningful their songs or lines are, how motivational their quotes or books are... it's not helping anymore.
Being a fangirl was the only thing that made me happy. My idols are the only people that made me happy.
Social media has helped me through my lowest of lows even if I just mostly talk to myself here. It has distracted me from my reality.
But there's always that small fucking hope. now, i just don't care anymore.
I should stop waiting and just get on with it.
I keep waiting for the right moment to die.
That's why I hate when something on tv is too dramatic or someone in school is. Get a grip, i think to myself.
Feelings are so fucking pointless.
I don't want anything to do with emotions, feelings, love. don't expect anything like that from me. i'm cold and distant. deal with it.
why can't people just accept who i am?
what's the point of living a life where i get punished for being myself?
what's the point of living when i'm such a fucking disappointment?
i already have a "when i die" letter so why not just die already?
no more voices. no more hurting.
everything would be better for me, for everyone.
everything would be better without me around.
no blood, just quick and simple.
I'm not sad. I don't know how to feel.
Just to be anywhere but here...
Somehow I'm thankful school days are back.
Maybe keeping things to myself is taking its toll on me.